The ten worst sportsmen in politics

I define worst in two ways. There are the obvious villains for whom sport appears to have been a warm-up for politics. To succeed in both requires a certain ruthlessness and they don't come much more ruthless than Idi Amin. Oswald Mosley, Jeffrey Archer and Imran Khan may not have shared Amin's megalomania, but they sometimes matched him for ego. Then there are the rest, the ones whose political careers were over before they had even begun. You really wonder why they do it. After all, they've achieved fame and fortune in their chosen sports. Most of them don't need to work again. Why not take the easy life, open the occasional supermarket, or do a spot of TV punditry?

But it's not that easy, is it? They have principles, beliefs . They have looked at the House of Commons and (understandably) thought to themselves: 'I could do better than that lot.' And, despite their protestations to the contrary, they miss the attention of the media, not to mention the buzz of the crowds.

So, encouraged by a few cheerleaders in the press, who waffle on about how their no-nonsense approach and leadership on the pitch can be successfully translated to the political arena, they have decided to put themselves up for office.

The reality is altogether more mundane. For a start, there is the tedious task of finding out what your party line is on the Common Agricultural Policy and the even bigger struggle of trying to remember it. Instead of playing in front of 60,000 adoring fans, you find yourself addressing 60 OAPs in a village hall. In fact, surveying the political wreckage on display here almost makes one grateful for the career politician. I did say almost.

1. Idi Amin

Before staging a coup d'Ëtat in 1971 and imposing his own particular reign of terror on Uganda, Idi Amin had already shown his combative nature as national boxing champion. At 6ft 4in, he was an imposing light heavyweight who held the title from 1951 until 1960. Once in power, he modestly conferred upon himself the title 'His Excellency President for Life Field Marshal Al Hadji Dr Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular'. Not to mention King of Scotland. Exiled to Saudi Arabia in 1979, he died last year.

2. Buster Mottram

The late Seventies was one of those strange periods in British life that not only produced a series of decent English tennis players but also the rise of the far right. These two phenomena came together in the form of Buster Mottram. 'I hope Enoch Powell will never die, just as his namesake in the Bible never died,' the one-time world number 14 once said. After a dalliance with the National Front, Mottram tried to restore his credibility by embarking on a songwriting partnership with black comedian Kenny Lynch. There then followed a failed attempt to become Tory candidate for Basildon. And then for Horsham. And for Crawley, North Hampshire, Thanet, Romsey and Waterside...

3. Terry Marsh

After standing trial for (and being cleared of) attempted murder and winning several related libel actions, the reaction of most people to enduring such duress would have been to seek out the quiet life. But that wasn't for our Terry. In 1997, the former boxer accepted the Liberal Democrat nomination for Basildon. Alas, Basildon Man never got the chance to cast his verdict. Marsh was forced to quit the race when the Mirror revealed that he was being investigated on suspicion of fraudulently claiming a £10,000 student grant. He was subsequently acquitted of all charges.

4. Jeffrey Archer

Jeffrey may have only briefly represented the Great Britain athletics team, but no list involving the words 'worst' and 'politician' could possibly leave him out. In 1966, the future Conservative Party deputy-chairman and perjurer ran in the 200 metres in an official meeting with Sweden. His inclusion, however, was qualified by national-team director Sir Arthur Gold: 'It was fairly late in the season and a team is selected from those available. The fact that the Swedes beat us suggests it was not our strongest team.' Amusingly, the only television footage left of Jeffrey in his running days is from the Varsity match, when he tried to cheat the gun no fewer than three times, but somehow escaped disqualification.

5. Colin Moynihan

'Colin who?' you may ask. The diminutive Moynihan picked up an Olympic silver as a rowing cox in 1980. Within three years, he had been elected as a Tory MP, which is where he should have remained in well deserved obscurity. Unfortunately, Margaret Thatcher had taken such an aversion to football that she decided not only to inflict ID cards on its supporters but also to hand the job of introducing them to little Colin. During three wretched years as the Miniature of Sport, as Labour MP Dennis Skinner dubbed him, Moynihan managed to upset nearly everyone in the game before finally ditching the scheme in the wake of the Taylor report into the Hillsborough disaster. Amazingly, he is now back as shadow minister for sport in the Lords.

6. Sebastian Coe

Refusing Mrs Thatcher's imprecations to boycott the Moscow Olympics looked like a bad career move for the ambitious Coe, but by 1992 he had made it into Parliament as Conservative MP for Falmouth. Despite losing his seat five years later, he was picked to serve as William Hague's right-hand man, as the Tory leader tried to pick up the pieces from the 1997 election disaster. Coe did such a good job that within four years Labour were coasting to another landslide victory.

7. Ted Dexter

Head boy at Radley, Cambridge blue, England cricket captain: it all came so easily to 'Lord Ted'. Surely his ascent of the greasy pole would be equally effortless? After all, who could resist his patrician charms? The people of Cardiff, that's who. 'I'm not just a gimmick,' Dexter had announced after being selected as Tory candidate for Cardiff South-East in 1964, rather contradicting the local party chairman who approached him: 'We have a problem. We need a candidate who is well known. You won't win, but we need help.' Future Prime Minister Jim Callaghan romped home for Labour.

8. Imran Khan

Imran doesn't do modesty. Imran does destiny. It was Pakistan's destiny to win the 1992 cricket World Cup and it was only he who could help them fulfil it. With that accomplished, the Lion of Lahore could now turn his attentions to restoring honour and dignity to his country's corrupt political system. Except that the Pakistani people didn't share his inflated sense of self-worth. Undermined by stories about its leader's former playboy lifestyle, his Tehreek-e-Insaf (Movement for Justice) party failed to win a single seat in the 1997 elections.

9. David Icke

The former Coventry and Hereford goalkeeper had successfully made the transition from the stadium to the television studio. And there he should have stayed, presenting the late-night snooker highlights. But David had a higher calling. From 1988 to 1991, he served as a Green Party spokesman until he woke up and remembered that he was here to save the world. Strangely, not everyone was convinced. Even if our Lord was to show himself, it seemed unlikely that he would appear dressed in a turquoise shell suit. Icke was instantly banned from speaking at party public meetings. 'I think everyone in the party was genuinely shocked. There was no inkling this would happen,' said Green media chief Spencer Fitzgibbon.

10. Oswald Mosley

Chivalrous it may be, but fencing certainly attracts its share of chauvinists. Mussolini, Himmler and Juan PerËn were all drawn to the art, though its most expert political practitioner was Oswald Mosley. The leader of the British Union of Fascists may have wanted to be a British dictator, but, dash it, he was a gentleman who could wield a mean ËpËe. Mosley won a public school title and even made the British team, adding to his short-lived appeal. George Bernard Shaw hit the mark when he described him as 'a man who has some physical courage and is going to do something, and that is a terrible thing. You instinctively hate him, because you do not know where he will land you.'