Thirst, Hunger, and Whatever Ails You

Now that it’s getting hot again, I have to contend with my mozzie allergy once more. Last night, I cried myself to sleep because being itchy for hours is overwhelming, and I hate insects being in my room. Doesn’t help that I had just barely recovered from my hands being covered in the bites of other bugs. Currently, I have at least 6 mosquito bites. The only general body part that is safe is my head.

Not sure if I brought it up before, but I seemingly developed this allergy sometime in during either winter or spring of last year. My best guess as to the cause is that my immune system was finally worn down by a) long term medication, b) stress, and/or c) my allergic rhinitis becoming more notable after turbinate reduction. It would have been about the 4 year mark of everything getting way worse generally, 2 year mark of turbinate reduction and 24/7 allergic rhinitis, and somewhere under 2 years of daily corticosteroid/allergy medication.

It’s not like I want to skip classes, but I’m just so, so tired. I want to cry everyday and everything is much worse in spring and summer. In a country that only snows in the mountains, my seasonal depression comes from the discomfort of the heat and insects. I’d rather it be consistently cold all the time. At least I’d be able to wear long sleeves without dying to protect myself from bugs and UV.

Today, Alex expressed confusion at how I can go from sleeping 6am-12pm/5pm on off days to 10pm/3am-6am for uni without being totally disoriented. They were surprised I even made it to the 9am lecture because I was awake at 4am and left the house by 7:30am.

It’s not like this isn’t messing me up (I do feel better when I sleep a reasonable amount of time instead of too much or too little), but I can still function, apparently more consistently than I should.

Though, in my opinion, most of the issue actually comes from how I act around the mess, not that my schedule is messy. For example, even if I miss normal meals from the timing, I feel kinda awkward supplementing with a full meal at an unusual time, which would be fucking up my energy levels and whatever. Also, if I fall asleep unexpectedly, I don’t sleep as well as I could because I wouldn’t have done my sleep routine first (if I feel a bit dirty, it will often wake me up at strange intervals until I fix it). If I actually did my due diligence in deciding “oh, I’m kinda sleepy, I shouldn’t lie in bed without cleaning up first”, I think things would be better.

( Mental and physical health talk: The why and what the fuck )