Why Women Stay Silent in Male-Dominated Rooms

STOP TELLING WOMEN TO SPEAK UP. THE ROOM IS THE PROBLEM. According to one business journal I read, before a woman within a senior leadership position shares a win at work, something happens first (Austin Business Journal, 2026). She runs a quick internal check. And asks herself: 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥? 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘐 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩? 𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵? From personal experience, this has been true for me. For years, this has been labelled as a confidence problem. While this can sometimes be the case, new research says we are not quite looking at the right thing. In a survey of 259 managers and leaders, 78% of women said they are already comfortable promoting their work. That's not a confidence crisis. So what's actually holding them back? 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝘃𝗶𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸. 1 in 3 women say that their workplace culture shapes whether they share their wins at all. 34% stay quiet because they fear negative feedback 55% say today's political climate makes self-promotion feel riskier than it used to be. Here is the data that really stood out to me.  Amongst women aged 25 to 44, 52% feel comfortable owning their achievements. By ages 45 to 64, that drops to 30%. So in other words, the most experienced women in the room (who have built the track record, led the teams and delivered the results) have also spent decades learning which behaviours get rewarded. And which ones don't. That is not self-sabotage.  That is pattern recognition. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀, 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗼 "𝗯𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁" 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝘅 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀. So what could actually help to address this? The business journal I read suggested the following: 🔵 Systems of recognition that are routine and are part of how work gets done (and not being performative). 🔵 Leadership and management habits that make sharing wins expected, not exceptional. 🔵 Cultures where women don't need a strategy just to say what they have accomplished. The goal was never just to make women better at self-promotion. The goal is to create rooms that are worth speaking up in (and that genuinely allows everyone to speak up). 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥 - 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩. 𝘚𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴.  𝘚𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘵. 📅 8 May 2026 ____________________ 👯 Follow me for more on #education, #edtech and #leadershiplessons. 🔔 Hit the bell to see every post I share.

We’re often told that women need to speak up more at work. But I don’t think that’s the real issue. Because in many cases, women are already speaking. The question is whether those voices are actually being listened to. Early in her career, Emma Chalwin, now CMO at Workday, shared an idea with a room full of male executives. Afterwards, she was told that she came across as ‘too emotional’. 24 hours later, a male colleague not only stole her idea, but was praised for it by those same executives. So she stayed quiet. Spoke less and less, until a new manager entered the ranks months later. In a meeting, when Emma hesitated, this new manager stepped in and gave the floor back to her, reinforcing her expertise and encouraging her to share her perspective. That moment mattered. Confidence isn’t just something you build on your own. It’s shaped by the environment around you. By whether people listen. By whether ideas are recognised. By whether speaking up actually leads somewhere. From my own experience, confidence didn’t come from trying to be louder. It came from being more intentional about when I spoke, and from being in spaces where my perspective was actually valued. And I think that’s where the focus needs to shift. Less emphasis on telling individuals to speak up, more emphasis on creating environments where people are genuinely heard. Because when only certain voices carry weight, everyone loses out 😢

IF SPEAKING UP COSTS YOU CREDIBILITY, YOU STOP TALKING. McKinsey just put data to something women always understood without a chart. As women move up, they don’t feel more empowered to speak. They feel less safe. Less safe to disagree. Less safe to take risks. Less safe to make mistakes out loud. Not because confidence disappeared. Because experience showed them the cost. Let’s be very clear about what the data is pointing to: Women aren’t quieter because they lack a voice. They’re quieter because they’re paying attention. They’ve learned that: + their mistakes linger longer + their dissent gets labeled “difficult” + their risk taking is scrutinized instead of celebrated So silence becomes strategy. Not weakness. Not insecurity. A rational response to an uneven system. Here’s the leadership blind spot no one wants to own: When women don’t feel safe taking risks, you don’t get innovation. When women don’t feel safe disagreeing, you don’t get truth. When women stop speaking up, you don’t lose noise, you lose insight. Psychological safety isn’t a perk. And it sure as hell isn’t gender neutral if the consequences aren’t. Fair, equitable psychological safety is the entry fee for honest leadership. Anything less is just asking women to be brave in a system that punishes them for it.

And we wonder why women hold back on sharing their ideas in public. On Friday, I accidentally created a post that went viral. It has had over 90,000 views, with over 1,000 reactions and comments. And all but one of them was amazingly positive. But the 'one' is such a beautiful example of why women hold back from speaking up with their best ideas and opinions that I had to share it with you. My 2024 research study shows that: 🛑 Only 11% of women feel fully confident speaking up with their ideas 🛑 43% actively hold back on being visible 🛑 79% are comparing themselves with others and judging themselves as lacking, every single day ... due to #ImposterSyndrome. I have what I call my 'lightbulb' definition of Imposter Syndrome: 💡 Imposter Syndrome is the secret fear of others judging us, the way we judge ourselves. And we have an equality problem: Men are significantly more likely to publicly criticise women than women are to criticise men, or men are to criticise men. We see comments like the one below, where a woman took a deep breath and shared an uncomfortable opinion, but gets called a moron and a narcissist. By a stranger. I'm not looking for sympathy. Believe me, I've had worse, especially in social media DMs. But this is why women hold back. This kind of thing that is happens every single day: - on social media - in meeting rooms - in email discussions Sometimes men (it's nearly always men - yes, I know most of you are lovely) say it out loud, in public, but for every one who does that, we women know there are many more who are thinking it in their heads. Solving the #GenderEqualityGap isn't about 'fixing' women. Yes, of course there are things we can do to clear out our hidden blocks, past trauma, and subconscious, self-imposed glass ceilings. DM me if you'd like to do that. But we shouldn't have to make ourselves resilient to sh!t like this. Ever. Fixing the culture that makes people think this behaviour is ok takes more than a few diversity lunch-n-learn sessions. We need to work together to create a culture - at work and in the wider world - where this kind of behaviour is so unacceptable that people wouldn't dare do it. But there's a secret that's driving this behaviour: There's a native American saying: "All criticism is borne of someone else's pain." Happy, confident people don't judge others like that. It's a projection of inner pain. It is often a direct insight into their own self-talk. That doesn't make it acceptable, but it does explain why diversity awareness initiatives, alone, are not enough to create a genuine level playing field or an inclusive culture. We also need to support those who are doing this (or thinking it), so that they can go on an inner healing journey that means they no longer feel they need to lash out like this, to ease their inner pain. We need to have zero tolerance of behaviour like this, but if we do that from a place of compassion, instead of anger, it can change the world.

👗"Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?" The question caught me off guard. It was eight years ago. I was in the office preparing for the upcoming QBR, when my phone rang. It was our division VP. “Can you be in a client meeting this afternoon?” he asked. One of the world’s largest automotive OEMs. High stakes. 200 people are working around the clock to close the deal. I had 6 hours to prepare. My heart raced. This was the kind of meeting that could change many things! Of course, I said yes. Then came the pause. And that question: “What are you wearing right now?” "Is there a dress code?" I laughed. "Kind of..." He continued, a bit apologetically yet firmly: “I need to tell you that the president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Suddenly, my job wasn’t just to represent the business. It was to calculate risk. To protect myself in the room. In those five hours, I still worked on my talking points. But I also asked a junior male colleague to join me, as a buffer and braced myself for inappropriate comments. The meeting went well. I delivered. There were no inappropriate comments But that experience never left me. ... If you're a woman in leadership, you need to prepare for two battles: The work, and the room. And if you're a male leader, your silence is complicity. Here’s what I now teach women privately, and what I wish someone told me earlier: 1. 🛡️ Bring your buffer.    Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.     2. 🚫 Pre-empt boundary crossing.    If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter.     3. 📍Control the setting when you can.    Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity.     4. 📝 Write it down.    Any inappropriate comment, no matter how subtle, goes in your private log: date, time, what happened, and who else was there. Not because you’re planning to report it. But because memory fades, and patterns matter.     5. ⚖️ Stop normalizing it.    You’re not “too sensitive.”    You’re not imagining it.    You’re managing two jobs: your work, and your safety.    And the latter is unpaid labor.     If you're still wondering whether gender equity has arrived, ask yourself who’s planning their safety before they speak. And who just gets to speak. 👊 Until the answer is “everyone,” we’re not done.

Silence isn't a women's issue. It's a leadership issue. I'm often asked in fireside chats and Q&As -- do women struggle more with silence than men? My response? Anyone who carries a subordinated identity is disproportionately impacted by silence. If you carry a subordinated identity (that could be based on gender, race, class, education, ability, etc), you are - more likely to be othered - less likely to be included - less likely to be given the benefit of the doubt And that's before we talk about intersectionality and those who carry multiple subordinated (apparent or non-apparent) identities. That's a nerdy academic way of saying -- yes, but not because women are at fault or inferior. Those dynamics mean that silence becomes a survival strategy -- a way of blending in in order to try to keep your seat at the table. To be accepted. To pay your bills. But also incredibly damaging for those who are silenced. So is silence an issue for women to fix? To create environments where humans can thrive requires -- 1) us each to unlearn the way we silence ourselves 2) leaders to own and unlearn the ways they silence the people they lead 3) rigorously examining how silence is baked into the policies and practices that impact us all What will your role in all this be?

I used to be afraid of admitting that I was ambitious. After all, I dropped out of college, I didn’t go to university, and my mum helped me get my first “proper” job in my late teens. Factor in growing up in a society that teaches and conditions women to make themselves as small as possible – figuratively, and literally. It was the perfect recipe for putting my ambition in a box, and throwing away the key. I kept myself small, comfortable and quiet (read: especially as the little girl who was always told that she was “shy”, “introverted” + could “speak up more in class”) And the data proves that the world is still trying to keep women from finding the key: → The Promotion Gap: Women are 18% less likely to be promoted than their male counterparts. Not because of performance, but because our ambition is read as "too much" while theirs is "leadership potential." → The Motherhood Tax: Becoming a mother costs women an average of 4% in lost earnings per child, while men's salaries actually increase after having children and dubbed the "fatherhood bonus." In fact, it takes an average of ten years for a woman’s career trajectory to even begin recovering from the birth of her first child. → The Representation Gap: Despite outpacing men in educational achievement, women still hold fewer than 30% of senior leadership roles globally. The system isn't broken; it was built this way. We are told that if we've made it into the room, we should just be grateful to be in the room. We’re expected to treat our presence like a gift we haven't quite earned, rather than a result of our own potential. But I’m done being grateful for a seat at a table that was designed to keep me quiet. Owning your ambition is a refusal to let a statistical bias dictate your ceiling. Whether you’re a dropout, a mother, or the girl who was always told she was "too quiet" in school: your hunger is allowed to take up space. 🫳🎤

For a long time, I thought my communication struggles at work meant something was wrong with me. But the truth started much earlier. When I was a teenager, I was in an abusive relationship that taught me a lesson no young girl should learn: my voice didn’t matter, and the cost of “stepping out of line” was high. I didn’t have the language for it back then. I just learned to stay small, stay agreeable, stay quiet. Fast-forward to adulthood: I “made it” into corporate, working with leadership teams that were almost entirely male. On paper, I was thriving. I hit my numbers. I delivered. I kept getting invited into bigger rooms. But inside those rooms? My body reacted like I was 16 again. Whenever I needed to push back… Ask a clarifying question… Or present to senior leaders… I would freeze. My words would disappear. My throat would tighten. And I couldn’t understand why. I kept trying to “fix” it with confidence tips, public speaking books, communication frameworks, everything except the one place the issue actually lived: my nervous system. I became extremely aware of the patterns and I finally learned this: -Your brain can know you’re safe. -Your body can still think you’re in danger. That’s why so many high-capacity women feel blocked when speaking up — especially in rooms where they’re underestimated, interrupted, or navigating power dynamics. Once I understood this, everything changed. These are the first tools that helped me get my voice back: 1️⃣ The Physiological Sigh A double inhale through the nose + long exhale through the mouth. Research shows it downshifts the amygdala fast, which is why it helped me stop spiraling before high-stakes conversations. 2️⃣ Label the Sensation Instead of “I’m nervous,” I learned to say: “This is activation, not danger.” Naming what’s happening brings the prefrontal cortex back online so you can think and speak clearly. 3️⃣ Future-Paced Cue A simple internal direction like: “My job is to make the decision points clear.” or “I was invited into this room and I am here to add value.” It shifts the brain from threat mode to purpose mode. I used these in meetings, in interviews, in conversations with leaders. And slowly, my voice came back. Alongside that, EFT tapping, which helped release the emotional residue stored in my body. If you struggle with communication at work or in interviews, I see you. -You’re not “bad at speaking.” -You don’t lack confidence. -You’re not imagining it. Your nervous system is simply reacting to old patterns in new rooms. And that CAN be rewired. If you want help bridging the gap between who you are and how you show up, I have you. Just tell me where you're getting stuck. 💙 Erica

One of the biggest challenges for psychological safety in organisations isn’t talent. It’s meetings. As part of my MSc Psychology research, I conducted an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) study with introverted women who were senior leaders, exploring their experience of belonging and psychological safety at work. One pattern showed up consistently at these senior levels. Leaders didn’t feel silenced because they lacked confidence. They felt silenced because how meetings were run rewarded speed and volume, not thinking. This is rarely examined, yet it shows up consistently both in my research and in my coaching, training, and workshop work with organisations. Most leadership teams believe their meetings work well because everyone is invited to the room. But effectiveness isn’t presence — it’s how value is determined once people are there. When contribution is equated with immediacy: ✔️Reflective leaders self‑censor ✔️Nuanced thinking isn't included in the conversations ✔️Risk is spotted but not voiced And over time, capable leaders disengage or leave. This isn’t a personality issue. It’s a design issue. In my research, meetings emerged as one of the most influential spaces shaping whether leaders felt able to contribute, belong, or stay silent. And yet, their effectiveness is rarely examined.