Quotes

If I Had a Million

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Mrs. Mary Walker: There ain't any jail of steel or stone that can hold a body prisoner as tight as one built of old age... and lack of money.

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Violet Smith: All right, wise guy, what's the gag?

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Rollo La Rue: Road hogs. A constant menace to society. They should be wiped out, Emily. Do you hear, wiped out!

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John Wallace: I don't want my soul saved! I want to live!

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John Glidden: I'm dying and I don't know of one man in all the thousands that I employ that's fit to leave in charge of a peanut stand.

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Mrs. Peabody: [in Henry's dream] Now, Henry, I don't want to reproach you, but I want you to feel like a dirty little rat, Sweetheart.

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Eddie Jackson: Listen, I'm going off my nut. I ain't eaten. I ain't slept. The cops have got a plant on my place, and I'm walking around without a dime with THIS is in my pocket. I can't even buy a cup of coffee. I'm going crazy, I tell ya.

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Steve Gallagher: A fine state of affairs. A fellow can't enjoy a quiet crap game in the guard house. If anyone else calls for me today, I'm out.

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Mrs. Mary Walker: You wouldn't fool me, would you?
John Glidden: I wouldn't fool you for a million dollars.

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John Glidden: I want to give somebody a chance at happiness. I don't care who - I just want somebody to have something worthwhile out of what I spent my life to accumulate.

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John Glidden: [in letter] Herewith is a check for One Million Dollars presented to you by the undersigned. There are no conditions or restrictions attached to its use. I can only caution you to use it wisely and to the best of your ability in the promotion of your own happiness and welfare, for which procedure there seems to be no established precedent. Should you encounter any difficulties regarding this check, you may reach me at the above address. I will not, however, assume the responsibility of advising you what to do with this money. Cordially, John Glidden

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John Glidden: I wish I could collect all my money together in one pile and burn every dollar of it.

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John Glidden: I wanna give somebody a chance at happiness. I don't care who. I just want somebody to have something worthwhile out of what I spent my life to accumulate. That's my major dying desire. For the soul of me, I don't know how to gratify it.

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John Glidden: How long am I gonna live?
Glidden Associate: [the doctor] Why, Mr. Glidden. I can't tell you that exactly.
John Glidden: I can tell you exactly. I'm gonna' live just long enough to go out and give my money away myself. Yessir! To people I never heard of.

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Agnes: And I wish you'd remember you're not handling cigar boxes but an automobile.
Rollo La Rue: I find it very difficult at this time to remember that you're a woman.
Agnes: I wish you'd forget it. I'd like nothing better than to knock your ears down into your neck.
Rollo La Rue: [Fields pulls back as if shocked or afraid. As Agnes walks away, he calls after her] I suppose you forget the day I busted you in the nose in Cincinnatah... ah, ha, ha.
Emily La Rue: Come along, Rollo dear.
Rollo La Rue: Yes, my little glow worm.

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Rollo La Rue: [Coming back home after their first car wreck] You should have let me kill him, Emily. The man is worse than a murderer. He's a road hog.

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Rollo La Rue: Did you chirp for me, my little wren?

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Emily La Rue: Are you hurt?
Rollo La Rue: No, my little sweet potato.

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Emily La Rue: Oh, Rollo! It's been a glorious day!
Rollo La Rue: Yes, it has, my little mud turtle, uh, turtle dove.

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Zeb - Hamburger Stand Owner: Is it good?
Steve Gallagher: It's as good as Confederate money.

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Mr. Brown: Come in.
Phineas V. Lambert: Mr. Brown?
Mr. Brown: Yes?
Phineas V. Lambert: [blows raspberry]

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John Glidden: Relatives! Hah! Did you see 'em, roostin' down there like a lot of vultures waitin' for an old steer to die?

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John Glidden: I do mean it, friend, every word of it. I've spent my whole life building up a business, amassing a fortune. Now my life's coming to a close. I want this business and this money that I leave behind to mean something.

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John Glidden: [Glidden's assistant brings him the city directory] The first name that this drop falls on is going to get one million dollars. What's that name?
Marvin - Glidden Assistant: John D. Rockefeller.
John Glidden: What? Pull that book over here.
[He flips through the city directory and picks other names]

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Otto K. Bullwinkle: Remember, Peabody, there's many a slip between the cup and the counter.

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Mrs. Peabody: I see a great deal more than you see. Of course, you haven't got the worries that I have. Not that I'm complaining, dear. But, you don't have to sit here day after day and week after week, year in and year out, paying the iceman for the milk, the milkman for the ice. Of course, Henry, if you want to go on breaking as much china as you feel like, that's entirely your own affair, Henry.

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Rollo La Rue: It's here! A thing of beauty, my dove. A beauty second only to your own.

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Bank Teller: Are you Mr Sheldon's chauffeur?
Eddie Jackson: Yeah.
Bank Teller: Well, I thought he had a colored boy.
Eddie Jackson: He did, but he fired him. Too much moonshine, I guess.

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John Glidden: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to leave my money to strangers - people I've never heard of, people that don't expect it. They may get some pleasure out of it.

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Mrs. Peabody: But of course, Henry, if its your time of life and you want to go out and make a fool of yourself, I'm not one to whimper and cry.

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Mrs. Peabody: You've no idea, Henry, how I have to defend you to our friends. Of course, I understand you can't help breaking all that china, but, naturally, they think it's rather queer.

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Mrs. Peabody: Henry, you've been feeding that rabbit again.

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Mrs. Peabody: There are some things a woman understands things that a man never can. You can say what you like, Henry, but unless a girl is well-dressed these days, she hasn't much chance of marrying anyone worthwhile. You remember *I* was the best-dressed girl in town when you married me.

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Eddie Jackson: Thanks a million times!

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Harry - Jackson's Fence: I've read the newspapers and you're hot - hot as a stove. You figured out this little scheme to get some quick dough. You'll have to try it on somebody else, Eddie. I hope you find the right sucker.

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John Glidden: My business with you has nothing whatever to do with rabbits or pianos.

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Eddie Jackson: Listen, I'm goin' off my nut!

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Violet Smith: I can't get it through my dome.

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Emily La Rue: [getting in the car] Can't we go on?
Rollo La Rue: Yes, my sweets. We'll be rolling in half a tick now, dear. Here you are, my buns.

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Rollo La Rue: Coming, my little chickadee.

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Rollo La Rue: You were inspired that day. It was a red-letter day in the history of bird acts.

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Emily La Rue: '24, my dear. I shan't forget that year. It was the winter Rollo had that bad cold. Why, I had him in mustard and vinegar for two months.

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