suze2000

So Barry went off to the vet today to get his teeth cleaned. I think his mummy probably found it more stressful than he did. I rang only three times to check on him, and went with much relief to get him home at the time appointed. He was perkier than I was. Because while he was gone, I cleared all the furniture from the carpeted areas of the house and had the carpets cleaned and did a bunch of washing, went to the council to get a street parking permit because there’s a sofa in our garage and I have to park on the street until the damn thing is sold (curse the men who came on Sunday and decided then that they didn’t want it), went and bought groceries, went to the post office and squeezed in a nap because I’m on night shift tonight. Phew!

All this fuss because he doesn’t chew his food properly. And then when he got home he was very discomknockerated because he was a bit out of it still and there was no furniture anywhere. Hope he recovers soon. x

The next day, Darren bravely went off and picked up the car, while I gathered the bags and checked out of the hotel. As with previous days it was COLD and quite overcast. And when we got out of Amsterdam, to Keukenhof, it turned out to be windy as well. We were put in mind of Van Gogh’s Two Peasant Women in a Peat Field, which we’d seen the other day.

How miserable they must have been on the open, windswept, soggy fields in Holland, scratching out enough food to survive (of course, they may have been gloriously happy, but we’ll never know. All I know is, it doesn’t look happy).

Anyway, we rugged up and headed in. Once inside, we were swept up into a riot of colour.

Come on, what big kid can resist a pair of clogs?

Leaving Jurien, Darren and I headed north along the Indian Ocean Drive. The northern part has always been there, it’s the southern half that’s new and amazing. Though having done it a couple of times now, we think it’s much nicer heading south than north, though I couldn’t say why.

The road heading to Geraldton runs close along the coast, and there’s a lot of spots where squatters have built shacks along the beach on crown land and are basically living the dream life, fishing, squatting along the beach in one of the most reliable climates in this country (it’s hardly ever too cold or too hot because of the ocean and its breezes there).

The guys here have even built themselves a jetty for their boat. But the State Govt has decided that it’s clamping down on the squatters and the shanties are being broken up, but by bit. I personally think these guys are the luckiest in the world, Darren OTOH thinks they are illegal squatters and a drain on society. We’re both right. It does seem that the abandoned shacks will have to be cleaned up and pulled down, no doubt at govt expense, but the other side of that coin is that these people (like my father) probably never access the health services, and I imagine they are mostly pensioners or war vets who’ve paid their way already in life. I don’t want to imagine they are dole bludgers who are sponging off the govt.

There are parts of the road north of Jurien where it’s less than 3m from the water. It’s stunning. We drove on to Kalbarri, which is a popular holiday spot for Perth, and has some lovely gorges and sizeable national park. Unfortunately, the weather was crap.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Because we were in no hurry, we took a less direct route, in the hope of seeing something different, and we did. The highway crossed the Hutt River, and I commented “yes, that’s right, I think the Hutt River Province is somewhere around here”. Well, Darren just about slammed on the brakes in excitement as he demanded to know where, and if we could visit. I pulled out our trusty guidebook and sure enough, HRH Prince Leonard met us as we parked.

Darren was extremely excited. How often do you get to buy a set of coins from the guy whose picture is on the back? He had his little story to tell and was pleased that Darren was interested in his coins as a collector. Unfortunately Princess Shirley was ill and unable to receive visitors. I love how this guy managed to get himself this status and tax exemption. I’m sure the Principality also makes a good deal of money from the 40,000 visitors that come each year. In fact, as we were on the road back to the highway, we were flagged down by some German tourists asking if we knew the way. As Prince Leonard had just handed me a small brochure with a map on it, we handed it over, and told them it was back the way we’d come.

We continued on to Kalbarri, unfortunately the weather closed in on us a bit that evening, and it was freezing and rainy standing on the cliff-tops looking down on the ocean, so we gave it up and went to find our hotel, the Kalbarri Edge, which I’d highly recommend as it was really comfortable and well-equipped. I did have a screaming argument with my sister that night over access to my father’s house which was horrible and stressful (she screamed, I stood my ground).

The next morning, we were greeted by ^^ that weather. It’s colder than it looks, so we decided to quickly see the sights and head north to Monkey Mia.

Monkey Mia is on a penninsula 2/3 the way up the WA west coast. It’s famous for the dolphin visitors that come in to be fed by humans every day. It’s a place I’ve always wanted to go. (cont…)

…so have decided it’s high time for a catchup post.

I have to admit that the main reason I haven’t been posting very much is that life has been… ordinary since my last post. I have a friend in Perth whose habit is to shut down and stop communicating when things are crappy for her (which seems to be more and more common, and I often have to reach out to make sure she’s okay). Anyway, I seem to be doing the same with my LJ. I think I have nothing to say, but the reality of it is that I (feel I) have nothing happy to say.

Firstly, we have given up trying to have a baby. The pathology on the embryo that I lost in December came back really bad. Heartbreakingly. Not one, but two genetic abnormalities and the report's comment basically said it was due to maternal age. I was 40 at the time. The obstetrician told me that we could keep on trying, as the eventually one egg would be good, but she'd known couples to have 6-10 failed pregnancies like mine before finally having a healthy baby. The other choice was IVF, where they could choose a healthy embryo. Since the emotional and physical toll of both of those options are completely unappealing to me/us, and we'd really only been trying to have a baby because I was out of time, we decided to give it up and just focus on enjoying our lives as they are and stop torturing ourselves trying to have a baby (that we may not even like or enjoy having).

Life's a crapshoot and in this case I left it too late and we lost. *shrug* I was never that keen on parenthood anyway - the only time I desperately want it is when someone near to me has a little baby, and I'm well aware that those impulses are hardcoded into our makeup. :/ There is a lot less hoping and then disappointment, but I do feel a little sad every time I think about it and revisit the decision often. I guess, like a lot of missed moments in life, I'll always wonder what if...

To be honest though, the child I want is my bridesmaid Ali’s, I’m pretty sure that a child that Darren and I had would not be as clever, attractive or precocious. It would probably be ugly (neither of us are model material) and cranky (Darren has the worst temper, and I can be very reactive and stubborn), though I have no doubt it would be smart. So I’m just going to content myself with getting cuddles when I visit (while trying to avoid the head lice she proudly announced she may have) and just watching her grow. And then being glad that I’m not going to have to parent her through puberty, which is sure to be a nightmare.

Following on from this, I got a phone call a couple of weeks ago from a much-loved friend who got married a couple of months after I did. She’s ringing to tell me she’s pregnant. I knew from the moment I got the call, because we are mostly net friends and hardly ever speak on the phone, it’s either FB, Twitter or we meet up in person. Actually, a lot of my friendships are like that these days. Anyway, her accidental pregnancy, while wonderful, is – if I’m completely honest – a bit of a blow. I know she won’t have the same problems as me as she’s ten years younger, and they’ll have a happy, healthy baby. So I’m happy for her, but it stings a little as well. I don’t think I’d be human if it didn’t.

So that’s been one of the things that I need to speak about. I went back on the Pill in March, when I turned 41. It did make things easier though as we had a holiday planned an no-one wants to greet Aunt Flo on holiday! (holiday post to follow)

The rain still hasn’t stopped in QLD and it’s positively biblical in some parts. The water is now threatening the state capital, Brisbane. There are 32 suburbs on flood alert.

Check out this news report: cars piling up in central Toowoomba. When I first heard there’d been flash flooding in Toowoomba, I couldn’t work out how it had happened.I’ve been there a few times, the town is at the top of a range on all sides. But there’s a hollow with a stream running through it in the middle of town and that must be where all the water thought it was going as it runs down those streets.

I just got off the phone to my cousin, who lives there and she said that while she’s high up and her family are not under threat, she’s unsure if she’ll be able to get home from work as some of the roads are already flooded. Nobody’s actually working anyway, she says, they are all looking at the news online and worrying about it. Eight are already dead, 71 are missing and it’s just going to get worse.

I’m repeating my appeal for donations to the flood victims. I suspect when this is over, over 5% of Australia’s population will be affected and god only knows what effect it’s going to have on our economy. The main export port for mining in the state is shut down, and I’m sure it won’t be the only exporter unable to get its goods out. Farmers are saying their crops are ruined (mind you, they are almost always complaining about that). My mother is fielding cancellations almost continually as no-one can get there as the main highway is flooded and we already know no-one is visiting from overseas because of the stupid high Aussie dollar. She may lose her business over this and her town is under threat from flooding as well.

I’ve come to tears over it already and no-one I know personally is affected. To say nothing of the animals, domestic and wild.

I have to admit to being surprised at how well I’ve coped with going back to work. Of course, that was okay while I was only working shift (effectively a few days a week) but going back to days this week was a little difficult. This week, I seem to have lost my shit. Well, today really. I went to work – well I didn’t want to go to work (but when do I ever?) – and didn’t get there.

I freaked out while waiting for the bus.

I’d caught the train as far as Hoddle St and was waiting for the bus that takes me the rest of the way to work and I just got so sad about my dad that when the bus appeared, I got up and walked away from the stop and got back on the train and went home again. I called in sick. And then felt guilty about it. But I was in no condition to go to work. I do not know what came over me, I was just so, so sad about my father. And I was so relieved to get home again.

Late in the afternoon I went to the doctor, and she listened.

I had trouble getting myself out the door and driving was an effort. She asked if I felt that what I was feeling was abnormal – no, I don’t. I’m just surprised it’s hit me a month after his death like this. She told me to go home and take a long weekend, and offered me more sleeping tablets (I did take a few before the funeral, but I think I’ve been pretty good about it since then) and valium if I felt I needed it. Both of which I refused, but despite thinking that taking another day off work was a bit self-indulgent, I have decided to listen to her about that. But she says I should go out and do something today. The only problem with that is it really conflicts with my protestant work ethic. I’m off sick. I should be sitting at home being sick. And going out (or going shopping which is what I want to do) seems to be a little immoral. However, I am under orders. The reason being, she said, I’m at risk of becoming a shut-in because I had two freak-outs yesterday.

So what to do? Does anyone feel as I do? That shopping is inappropriate?

Click the cut for some wonderful beach and sunny weather photos.

A friend of mine is looking to rehome the most adorable little cutie!

She is approx 8 weeks old found on the swamp lands of Geelong.  Re homing fee of $160 which will cover de sexing, first round of vacc, worming and micro chipping.

She is currently almost litter trained and LOVES other animals.  She has had exposure to dogs, rabbits and birds however I would always make sure to watch her around them.  She will also need to be rehomed into a house that either is home most of the day or has other animals she will not handle being left alone for long periods of time!

She will be ready to go in the next few weeks once her desexing is completed, visits from new owners are always welcome.  She is a mixed DSH however I have had people say that she looks like she has some Bengal in her.

Man, why do I neglect my LJ so much? I read LJ and Blogger every day, so I don’t understand why I’m so crap at updating it.

Example: my incomplete holiday entries. Will I ever get around to finishing them before we head off on our next holiday? (unknown)

What have I been up to? Darren’s Aunty Rae and Uncle John visited from England, which was nice. We got to play host (took them to Donovan’s) and drive them around the state (the Penguin Parade!) a bit before packing them off to the other rellies in Warrnambool. And Xmas with Mum and co. up in Murwillumbah, which was nice, and would probably have been the last time I visited there, as my mother is moving again. Why does she wait for me to get really comfortable and attached to a place (and her in it) and then up sticks and move? It’s only been three years! I don’t like to move more often than once every five-ten years, but it seems she can’t help herself! Anyway. It’s a bit upsetting. But I’ll survive. The fact is, I love that little town and it’s always a wonderful respite from Melbourne. The weather’s never the same there as here, and it RAINS there. A lot. At Xmas, we thought we were going to get flooded in because of the swollen river. Coming from Melbourne where we are carrying grey water to our camellias in buckets so they don’t die, it’s wonderful to see. I wish we could move up there and become hippies like half of the rest of the population. Though I’d make a shit hippie, as I like new and trendy stuff and, you know, bathe and wear deodorant. (seriously, can’t they smell themselves?!) If only Darren’s company had an office there. Or a reason to set one up, haha.

Anyway, it turned out they weren’t moving as soon as they’d hoped, so I was able to fly up last week and squeeze in one last visit. Unfortunately, Mum and I had a doozey of a fight which we both tried to pretend afterwards didn’t happen, but I’m still upset about. No doubt she is too. But our POVs on these issues are so different, I doubt we’ll ever agree. She thinks I’m wrong and I think she’s wrong. Never the twain shall meet as it were. And the next day, to make peace, I offered to stop doing the thing that upsets her so much and she told me it was okay! Which is also frustrating. Family, eh?

I did get to drive a nifty little VW Jetta for two days, which gave me some idea of what it would be like to own a VW, as I’ve been eyeing off a Tiguan for a while now. Liked the car, wasn’t a fan of how hard the ride was. We do a lot of country driving and I want a car that smoothes the bumps on country roads, not just a tight-handling city runabout. But we don’t want to buy anything huge, so it’s hard to find the compromise. Especially now that Subaru have ruined the Forester by making it huge. :(

Other than that, we’ve popped up to Sydney in November and caught up with friends (Brendan and Di and Meghann and Siggi) there. We ate at a restaurant called Strangers with Candy, which was expensive, but worth it. So good. Hope to be there again in early May. It’s the replacement holiday. We had planned to go to WA again, but because we overspent at Xmas, we’re only having five days in NSW instead. We’ll look at WA again in Sept to see if it’s do-able or will have to wait a couple of years.

We went to the Palais and saw Tim Minchin, who just about started a riot a few rows in front of us with one of his songs. We’d never been inside that building before, it’s amazing. I think it’s supposed to look kind of Roman, has columns and so on. The best part was that we had seats in The Lounge, which actually meant lounge-chair type seating which was huge and really comfy. They are refurbishing (much needed!) but I hope they retain the original seats (a recovering might be nice though). We’re going to see Huey Lewis there soon-ish (Darren’s choice, not mine!), so I hope it’s still the same.

Next week will be Darren’s birthday. I have already bought his present (unusual planning on my part) and the next day, we are going to The World’s Longest Lunch at The Noojee Trestle Bridge and then on to Wilson’s Prom for a couple of nights. Barry won’t be lonely either, one of the girls from work will be moving in for the few days we’re away.

Soon after that, I hit The Big Four-Oh. Yep, I’ll be an old fart. I’ve been resigned to it for a while now, but can’t say I’m enjoying the prospect as it draws ever closer. I guess the worst of it is – apart from the outward ageing, Darren and I have been trying to get pregnant and failing. The upside of this is that I can – and will - get trashed on my 40th. The downside is – is it ever going to happen? And how late is too late to have your first kid? (my sister seems to think any kid after 35 is a huge mistake, let alone the first)

The other nagging worry is that I want to move to a bigger house, but we can barely afford the mortgage on the one we have! And house prices are even more insane now than when we bought it in the first place! I keep reading that first home buyers are despairing of ever owning one, but I can tell you that third home buyers feel the same way about getting something that fits more their needs! (in our case, these needs are: stay close to current locale, third bedroom at least, proper backyard, better situated home, semi-detached if possible) If anyone has a spare couple of hundred grand, I can put it to good use, haha. And of course, we probably can’t afford to buy a new car AND a new house. I’m glad our current car is paid off and costs us very little.

I’m working shift at the moment. The money’s good, I get a lot more time off and I feel far more autonomous at work when on shift. The downside is, if I keep at it for too long, I’ll get too old, and they’ll never promote me. That said, I can earn more money doing shift than I can as a senior and the hours are better. Perhaps I should be willing to accept that I’ll never have a proper career with progression. I dunno. I’m sure there’s been hundreds of millions of people who’ve come to this point I’m at, where they realise they’re unlikely to go anywhere on their current course, and have to decide whether to accept that and make the best of it, or try and push their way up against the tide, as it were.

So anyway, that’s me at the moment. And more personal stuff than I usually post on LJ, but I’m feeling a bit reflective. Sorry it’s so long.

Following on from the previous post, we drove from Gantheaume Point back towards Broome township, via a dirt road that ran past Deep Water Point, where the large ships are docked.

I didn’t feel well, but Darren walked up the dock and on the way back, spotted a turtle:

And then headed into town and located the Japanese Cemetery, which has been restored with the help of the Japanese people, but was also vandalised soon after.

It was unlike any cemetery I’d seen before and very lovely.

Later that day (after the required pool time) we went to iconic Cable Beach to watch the sunset from one of the restaurants there. It’s the place that everyone recognises from pictures of Broome – often with people taking a camel ride up the beach at sunset. Darren had been keen on doing this, but honestly, I’ve been on a camel before, they are nasty smelly beasts that spit and the ride is NOT comfortable. I told him he was welcome to, but after reading about the dodgy dealings that went on when last the camel operator licenses went up for tender (scroll down for story), Darren was put off as well. They only walk them on the section of the beach North of the rocks and have banished the cars up there as well, leaving the Southern section (it’s a long beach though) for the swimmers to enjoy in peace. That’s at least one good decision the Council have made as I had thought our time on the beach would be ruined by yahoos in 4WDs (though they seemed to exit the beach quietly enough after sunset, so I may have been mistaken there too).

Many people picnic or BBQ on the beach at sunset, or just come to look at the view, which is worth braving the crowds for.

We took those from our table, and afterwards wandered down to the water.

I am in love with this shot, I want to put it on my wall:

As you can see, the beach was a bit rocky, and I was glad it was low tide and the rocks were exposed and easy to avoid. The water was much colder than I expected though, despite the sign stating it was 22C, it seemed worse!

More to come…