Y'know We Gotta Do More Than Believe

I've been keeping a hobonichi 5-year journal this year and I've kept up with it fairly well. I'm playing with the idea of writing them in here and backdating them or something. I'm just thinking I might like to have a backup of it.

Typing my entry tonight because I’m really trying to revive the habit.

Twitter really circled the drain today with the CSAM stuff. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel good about logging on again. I’ve been there 16 years and I’m honestly thinking about deleting my account.

I’ve been using bluesky. When I have more codes, I’ll share them. I really want people to join me.

In other news, I went to the rheumatologist today. He prescribed a muscle relaxer for the fibro pain in addition to the Lyrica. I’m currently on 600mg of Lyrica. 75mg of diclofenac up to twice a day for spinal arthritis. Anyway, he’s a good doctor and I’m in significantly less pain.

Had an adventure getting to the office, though. It’s in one of the hospitals with 5 buildings and 3 parking garages. First I went to the wrong parking garage and the wrong building. Then I went to another wrong parking garage but I could SEE the right building so I just left my car and walked across some “do not step on the grass” places and did a little jaywalking and still couldn’t find the suite. I finally opened a door that was not marked ste 303, but was where it should be — and apparently that was the admin/medical area and the suite was just open and there was no suite 300, 301, or 302. So it wasn’t entirely my fault.

As you might imagine, I was late. But apparently the patient behind me had arrived weirdly early so I got their spot and they got mine. Easy.

Then I went to the pharmacy, came home and collapsed.

Wait. Before I collapsed, I checked the mail and my CPAP stuff had arrived! I am truly old. I’m excited over new DME accessories. 2 new masks, new tubing, new water chamber, new headgear, new filters — the whole shebang. It’s like having a new machine. I’m sleeping fancily with all new gear and no collapsing airway! Go me!

With the imminent demise of twitter, there is nowhere else I'd rather be than here. But unfortunately, there's still no phone app or desktop client and I don't do well with web interfaces. I need to figure out a solution, though, because right now, I'm on 16 billion social media sites and not a firm home in any of them.

Here we go again.

I'm Jewish now! I can't remember how far I got in posting the essays so I'm going to do a cut tag and all the questions/answers together.

( BIG JEWISH CONTENT )

So... now I gotta post it and see if I remembered how to do a cut tag. >_>

( questions and answers inside )

I'm still feeling under the weather, so this is the only thing I'm posting tonight.

1. Describe your journey to Judaism. In which faith community were you raised?
What initiated your inquiry into Judaism? What has drawn you to choose to change
your birth religion or another religion of choice and join the Jewish People, the
Jewish Faith and embrace a Jewish practice?

I think I've always been drawn to Judaism. But I was born in a Christian family and taught Christian stories and upheld Christian traditions. I found a love for it and a passion for theology, going so far as to become an ordained minister. But it never felt like my skin. It chafed - many congregations clung to a patriarchal stratification of both gendered roles as well as distribution of Gd's love or mercy or salvation. The breaks began after university, when I was breaking myself trying to fit. But my understanding of the text and the evidence of Christendom disagreed sharply about what we were to be about. When I found I couldn't believe in an afterlife, I knew it was only a matter of time before I would find my way out the door. An offhand comment from a rabbi actually made me ask myself why I was working so hard to remain in a religion that neither wanted nor affirmed me. I began looking into Judaism more seriously and made the decision to convert on Shavuot, in my 40th year. That confluence made me smile. It also reminded me of Rabbi Akiva, beginning to study Torah in his 40th year. The more I learned and unlearned, the more Judaism began to feel like the skin I was missing. It fit. It felt like me. It gave space to move and to breathe and to learn.

2. Why or how is being Jewish the most appropriate choice for you (as opposed to other
religions and cultural expressions)?

Judaism is one I already knew significant amounts about when I came to it, but I did look at others. None of them spoke to me the same way. Buddhism is beautiful, but doesn't have the same drive for direct action built into every ritual. Unitarian Universalism might have worked okay -- it has the same philosophical bent toward justice -- but it is theologically very segregated and what you experience in worship very much depends on the minister of the congregation at the time. Which is far from a bad thing, just not a thing I personally was looking for. Judaism, though, had the focus on justice, a focal point theologically, and added to it the Jewish home. The Jewish home is equally important to me. Building a place where ritual and life meet head to head in every aspect is beautiful to me and has become deeply important. When hanging my mezuzot and saying the blessings, it gives me a moment of mindfulness after hammering in nails. Such a contrast and such a beautiful transition back to the non-hammering parts of the day. And every ritual makes me consider exploring even more. But I have the freedom as a Reform Jew to explore and assess and apply as I find necessary and helpful rather than being constrained to practice things that may only trigger my anxiety rather than alleviate it or give me a feeling of inadequacy if I can't. I find it really beautiful the constant conversation between duty, tradition and modernity. I love above all else that preserving a life takes precedence. The pandemic really drew into harsh relief for me who values life and who values posturing and I am pleased to be aligned with a people who overwhelmingly value life, despite it being heartbreaking to celebrate the high holy days via zoom or other livestreams. A theology of being pro life in a way that really impacts lives instead of prohibiting abortion and calling it a day, where sometimes abortion is even required by jewish law so that the life of the parent can be preserved. The grace and beauty woven throughout the responsibility and response just makes me more certain every day that I've chosen the right place, that there is so much for me to learn and that I will become a better person by implementing these tenets in my own life and that I can leave the lives of others and the world better for having been in them.

I think that's enough for the first essay. I'm going to post it without a cut because I don't think it's that long, but if you'd prefer a cut in future, let me know. I won't be offended. I don't want to make this a journal people avoid because a wall of text eats your friends page, whether you're interested in it or not. <3

My beit din and conversion are tentatively scheduled for February 19 and my best friend AZ is sending me a hand thrown vessel to use and I am so excited!

In less Jewish news, I’m getting one of these and I am also excited. It’s SO CUTE. I have always wanted my own plague doctor.

It’s Friday and my allergies are 100% tonight. I have no idea what set them off like this but my nose was not designed to be a faucet and I would like it to stop now.

I should look up the Friday five and see what’s going on there. I think I will.

Okay, I grabbed questions from friday5.com

SOUND TRACKING

1. What are you listening to? I’ve been listening to Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth a lot. It takes a very specific mood for me to be able to handle music and I usually need audiobooks for noise.

2 What are you hearing? Right now, I hear the sound of my fan and the HVAC fan and some wind outside, as well as my sniffling due to the aforementioned allergies. Occasionally, I hear a distant fire engine siren.


3. What are you turning a deaf ear to? Critique without merit. I have a hard time letting just overarchingly critical people’s statements wash off my back and I have been practicing. I don’t mind legitimate critique but criticism with a goal to wound is something I can do without.

4. What have you recently overheard?
My mother and my aunt whispering about old lady gossip. Nothing inherently interesting. But kind of funny.

5. To whom have you recently lent an ear? I hope to whomever needs it (within the limits of reason) but I know specifically I was able to let my best friend vent to me about some important things and encourage them in the best ways they’ve decided to tackle things in.

Welp. That was fun.

Shabbat shalom, y’all. Get you some rest somewhere if you can.

I have a friend who has been convinced to brush off an old project and return to active development on an iOS client for dreamwidth. I beta tested the old version and it was really a capable little thing. If that's something you'd be interested in and wouldn't mind a 99¢ price tag, let me know so I can show him there really is a demand. He worked on a desktop version, too, but I don't know if that will make it into redevelopment. I don't know what the demand is like for desktop clients these days.

• Sat, 13:05: Not Resolutions https://t.co/jfbEtEFe3c
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• Sat, 23:33: I only have to live another 27 minutes! Then I win!

( Read more... )

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