Peg Kerr's Journal

This, my first collage of the new year, did not come easily, and in fact took several drafts, which doesn't usually happen. I am still not satisfied with it, but I have not been doing particularly well the past couple of days, and it's the best I can do.

Compare the first collage of 2021, Betrayal.

The past several days have been hovering both above and below freezing. The temperature gets up to the mid to high 30s, melting the piles of snow, and then plunges down, freezing overnight. As a result, sidewalks and streets everywhere are covered with thick layers of bumpy ice.

When I first heard the news about Renée Good, I felt numb. I took an ice chopping tool and went outside to chip away at the coating on the sidewalk and steps in front of my house, as I thought about what I had learned so far. I wasn't aware of much other than it felt good to physically pulverize the dangerous layer of frozen water that made everything treacherous in every direction.

I came in and saw the Venn diagram that naomikritzer had published on Bluesky:


It seemed fitting.

SUV trucks with out-of-state and blank license plates and tinted windows have been speeding around the streets of my city, like barracudas. I get text message reports several times a day: they've now been spotted at a construction site in Blaine. Now they're at the Minnetonka library. Now at a day care center. Now at an elementary school.

And now this.

Renee Good was killed a couple of miles from my home, on a street that I used every time I came home from work. Later that afternoon, ICE agents swarmed a high school eight blocks from my home as it was letting out, seizing two staff members and pepper-spraying students.

Minneapolis Public Schools have reacted by closing for the rest of the week.

The President flat-out lied in response to questions about what happened, defending the agent who committed murder and slandering the dead woman (who had just dropped off her kid at school) as a terrorist.

The next couple of days in my neighborhood have had the feeling of being under siege. Helicopters have been circling overhead, bringing back difficult memories from 2020. Many businesses, particularly those run by immigrants, closed the next day.

I went to the site on Portland Avenue today, and I spent some time listening to the speakers and looking out over the heaps of flowers, stuffed animals, and candles.

Then I came home and talked with two women from my block club, who came to my door to get me connected with Signal groups and warn me that ICE is reportedly going door to door, demanding that people tell them 'where the immigrants live.'

I have had difficulty sleeping.

This feels like the worst possible timeline.

Image description: A virtual sea of memorial flowers and candles. Center: a square sign with a stylized blue butterfly and the word "Remember." Foreground: two gold star balloons and a heart-shaped balloon with the word "Renee." Lower right corner: a blue plastic whistle. Background, behind flowers: an open peach rose (the flower I bought and left at the memorial.)

Renée Good



Click on the links to see the 2026, 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

Eric had surgery last Friday and needed to have someone accompany him and stay with him for twenty-four hours afterward. The aftercare turned out to be a bit more intense than expected afterward, and so I ended up staying at his place all weekend to assist him.

We were very quiet together. It occurred to me on Sunday, as we sat together in his living room, drinking coffee and looking out the living room window at the winter landscape, that it was the winter Solstice. A year ago on the winter Solstice, I was hosting a solstice party. If I had been at home, I would have lit all my candles to mark the day. Being with him on that day as he was recovering seemed fitting.

The winter solstice is a time for deep rest and healing, for reflection and resilience.

He is feeling much better now and counts the surgery as a success.

Image description: A window with a winter view outside. A pair of feet clad in red and white striped socks are propped up on the windowsill beside a red mug with a steaming hot beverage. A hand holding a couple of pills hovers above the feet.

Rest



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

My work life is definitely winding down.

For the past eight and a half years, I have planned and overseen what are called Candidacy Days every other month, and we hold the candidacy annual Open House at the December meeting. I have probably arranged fifty of these meetings over that time, but this past week was my last one, and the annual Open House was my retirement party. One of my sisters, Betsy, my two daughters, my granddaughter M, and Eric were all able to attend.

People said nice things about me.

It's really starting to sink in. I have one week of work left.

Image Description: three women and one man (Peg, her former boss Bishop Ann, her present boss Bishop Jen, and her supervisor Pastor John) smile at the camera. Center: Peg and her family (Eric, sister Betsy, and her daughters Fiona and Delia) smile. Bottom: a portion of a bouquet and retirement gifts.

Farewell



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

Last Monday, I had another Year of Adventure outing: kaytecat and I drove to Northfield, the city of both our alma maters (I went to St. Olaf, and she went to Carleton). Just outside of Northfield is a state park we were interested in exploring. kaytecat had a state park pass on her car, which made things easy.

The weather was splendid, with a brilliantly blue, cloudless sky. We took things slowly, as both kaytecat and I have some impairment to our walking, but we greatly enjoyed exploring the looping hiking paths as we talked. We've known each other for years in our common sf community, but this was probably the longest conversation we've had for years, and it was nice to learn more about the life of a long-time acquaintance.

After a couple of hours on the paths, we went into Northfield and had lunch at a tea shop I've dined at before. The food was good, and I bought a pair of earrings shaped like a teacup and saucer. After eating some delicious quiche, we spent a little time poking around Northfield, exploring a couple of antique shops and kaytecat bought several small samples of different kinds of balsamic vinegar.

It was a day well-spent.

Image description: Lower third: two women (Peg and kaytecat) in winter coats wearing sunglasses in bright sunshine smile at the camera. Between them a waterfall flows (Hidden Falls in Nerstrand State Park). Upper two-thirds: a view looking straight up of a vividly blue sky, with bare tree tops ringing the view. In the center of the blue sky is a pair of earrings shaped as a china cup and saucer.

Nerstrand



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

About three or four months ago, I started feeling a vague pain deep in my right hip. Not a muscle problem, not an arthritis bone-on-bone feeling. It just...hurt.

I kept trying to exercise, but it kept getting more difficult. I vaguely thought, "I should see someone about this." I had my usual yearly appointment set with my doctor for several months away, so I waited.

I probably waited too long.

I have been walking around Lake Nokomis regularly but by the time the appointment came up, I had been reduced from walking all the way around to managing only about one-third of the way around, limping.

Then I realized I was starting to feel pain in my knee. And my lower back.

And then I realized it hurt just lying in bed.

My doctor sent me to an orthopedic specialist and I met with her this past week. The diagnosis: Gluteal tendinopathy, along with some mild osteoarthritis in the right hip and tranchaneric bursitis in both hips. What a mouthful.

Action plan: start physical therapy, and if that doesn’t help, will consider cortisone shots.

image description: a view of a pelvis portion of a skeleton with a muscular overstructure on one side. Lower left: close-up of one side of the hip, showing the IT band. Right: picture of a woman sitting on the ground, with legs pulled up close and forearms covering her face. Lower center: a cane.

Pain



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

It's time to put the garden to bed.

These chores get a little more difficult every year. Thank heavens for my garden kneeling bench, but I feel the ache in my joints a little more every time I go through the process of pulling up dead plants, raking, and putting the hose and tools away for the winter. But it is immensely satisfying to get it all done.

Image description: a rather forlorn-looking concrete patio with emptied planters. Several paper bags full of yard waste are in the foreground. The background, above, shows a red garden leaf rake gathering up leaves. Top: a shovel and garden rake.

Cleanup



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

One of the suggestions I received this year for a Year of Adventure event from my friend John Walsh was the offer of a photo shoot. I've seen examples of what are called 'Crone,' 'Goddess' or 'Wise Woman' photo shoots, and the idea really appealed to me, as I wanted to spend this year exploring the gift of growing older. So John picked me up right before dusk, and we had a wonderful time shooting pictures along Minnehaha Creek, and on the outskirts of the Peace Garden, just across the street from the Lake Harriet Rose Garden.

I'm quite pleased with the pictures. What do you think?

( Wise Woman Photo Shoot )

This past weekend, my family had another wedding, with more family events the next day. Actually, it was on the other side of the family (Rob's family): one of his nieces got married.

Rob and I always said that one of the greatest strengths in our marriage was our family ties. Both of our families had very strong and warm family bonds and got along well, and we genuinely liked each other's family and enjoyed spending time with them.

I have talked to many widows, in person and online, and I know that for some, after their spouse dies, the spouse's family can drift away or even treat a widow cruelly. I am so very glad that is not the case for me. I feel as much a part of Rob's family as I ever have, and I was pleased to join them to celebrate my niece's wedding.

Rob's Mom and his siblings (two brothers and two sisters) gathered from all around the country, and I was so happy to see them all and catch up on their lives. It was also a special day because my mother-in-law got to meet M for the first time. Alona had dressed M in a lacy, frothy concoction that she herself wore as a child (at one point when M got fussy, perhaps bothered by the slightly scratchy lace, Alona remarked that she looked like an angry cupcake. Yes, she was utterly adorable. Yes, I admit that I am biased.).

I had found a new dress for the occasion and felt elegant. It was so wonderful to be there with Eric, and to have my children and their partners there, as well as Rob's family. It's such a joy to me that our ties remain strong. I wish the same for my niece and my new nephew: that they continue to draw strength and delight from both sides of their family.

Image description: Top: Peg's family: Peg and Eric, Fiona, M, and Alona (M's face is blurred) and Delia and Chris. Middle: The groom holds the bride in a dramatic dip/kiss. Bottom: Rob's mom and his brothers and sisters.

Wedding II



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

This week, as another Year of Adventure event, Pat Wrede and I (at Pat's suggestion) took a road trip to Kellogg, Minnesota to visit Lark Toys. I'd never heard of the place before, but it was an enjoyable jaunt indeed. It was started by a man who was interested in creating a market for his carved wooden toys, and over the years it has grown to be a remarkable place. Besides being a toy store, it is a toy museum. It was great fun to wander down the corridor of "Memory Lane" and identify old toys that I had as a child, that I haven't thought of for years: Spirograph, the game of Life, Chinese Checkers, Operation, spin tops, etc. There was an impressive little bookstore, too, with thoughtfully curated books for adults as well as children.

The centerpiece is a truly extraordinary carved carousel, created by the original owner. There was a cafe, and a fudge emporium, and had we been inclined, a miniature golf course.

It was a lovely drive, and Lark Toys was great fun and well worth the trip. Highly recommended I came home with a wee giftie for M, which I look forward to seeing her enjoy.

Image description: Background: a corridor of Lark Toys, lined with display cases. Top: a sign with the words "Memory Lane." Upper left: the logo for Lark Toys, the silhouette of a bird with a wind-up toy key on its back. Below the silhouette: the words "Long Ago." Below the "Memory Lane" sign, another sign which reads: "As once the wing'd energy of delight carried you over childhood's dark abyss, now beyond your own life buid the great arch of unimagined bridges. -Rainer Marie Rilke." Below this sign: a stylized tree, over a pillowed reading nook. Right: a lamp past with directional signs jutting out of the post. Left: a wooden stand filled with lollipops. Lower half: a rabbit and a swan each wearing a saddle (figures from a carousel). Bottom: a family of toy bunnies and a group of Matryoshka Russian nesting dolls.

Lark Toys



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.

Sometimes it's easy to pick what I'm going to do my collage about each week. Sometimes I have to scrounge around a bit for a subject.

There was a moment this week when I started mulling, "Well, what has this week been about?" and it occurred to me that at that exact moment, I was stirring my coffee with a sterling silver spoon.

I have inherited a significant amount of sterling silver from my grandparents, and my mom has passed along some of hers to me early. Even before that, I have often delighted in fine things that gave my life a luxurious touch. When the girls were young, I occasionally would serve what we called formal dinners, where we practiced eating with elaborate place settings and talked about proper manners.

I've been experiencing a bit of a cash flow issue lately. Nothing serious; I don't mean that I can't pay my bills, but with some recent medical and car repair expenses, I have had to cut back on some things. I've stopped eating out for the time being, and sometimes I have to wait a few days, until after pay day, to pick up the next set of groceries.

Recently, I decided to pull out a set of small sterling silver espresso coffee spoons I inherited from my grandmother. I went out looking for a lovely crystalline receptacle to keep them in on my counter by my coffee pot, and I found one, touched with gilding at the rim, at a vintage store, for $5. I bought a bottle of lavender syrup, and I will sometimes put a small amount in my coffee.

My sister bought me some luxury hand soap for my birthday, and I have decided that I like it so much better than the soft soap I had been picking up at the grocery store.

When the belt has to be tightened, it helps to indulge in a few small luxuries.

Image description: Background: A luxuriously painted vaulted ceiling at Versailles. Bottom center: a miniature sterling silver spoon rests on a counter. Behind it: a coffee cup with a small glass jar with more miniature silver spoons. Right: a bottle of lavender coffee syrup. Behind the coffee cup: a bottle of luxury hand soap and a house plant.

Little Luxuries



Click on the links to see the 2025, 2024, 2023, 2022 and 2021 52 Card Project galleries.