michelle: yeah, when you got out of the hospital and emailed us, mom replied to me separately
mk: by accident?
michelle: no. it said ‘i dont think emily realizes how hard the drugs are hitting her’ and below was your email.

( links )








awesome: coming home to find andrea washed all my dishes because its super hard and i let them pile up
not awesome: i feel super guilty that people have to wash my dishes and stuff, even though / because i am basically useless right now.

mk: sorry for basically becoming your child.
andrea: you mean my second child
mk: right. second after your husband.


a week later i felt awesome and washed most of my own dishes. two hours after that i went to grab a knife. the top five in the drawer were still covered in peanut butter and i had to put them right back in the sink. FAIL.


( Fic Recs: Sherlock, Merlin, Inception )

i started with the kinesiologist today guys, and one of the first things she said to me was

kines: i see your chest is quite large. we’ll work on posture while we’re at this. [10 minutes of talking about posture and my shoulder blades and my boobs]
me: uh... okay

long story short, i can now type sometimes with two hands! it is very, very exhausting though and i get tired (and then cranky) pretty fast. i don’t have to wear the sling 95% of the time though, so that’s also exciting. i wonder if i can convince the physio to massage my shoulders as well as my arm because it’s important for my exercises or something.

( I can even translate it for you after )

In short: too bad you had a mildly shit time at BR! We don't actually care, but please give us all your money in the near future or feel free to speak with a robot soon!

I don't want anything, I just feel that even this response is inappropriate. Maybe I will write in to the local paper about Toronto when you're (even temporarily) handicapped.

from: mk
to: pru, twentysomething, merelyn, leupagus, zoetrope
re: Yep you’re going to get a bunch of emails from the fracture clinic today.
Check out my hand, it’s swollen up to a giant puffy sphere almost!  Also my ghetto fix job on my temporary sling and tensor after last nights many adjustments for swelling broke the little clips.  Pretty sure that’s not medically sanctioned. [photo]

pru: OH JESUS CHRIST.  EMILY YOU -- have you gotten your cast yet?
mk: No.  My appointment was scheduled for 9 but I’m still just waiting with all the other cripples.  Good news:  all those years of opening door knobs with my toes because my hands were full have paid off.

Eugh, guys, this hurts a lot and there’s no water cooler here.  I kind of hate everything.  Except!  An old man sat next to me and he smells strongly of werthers originals.  Hilarious.
mk: Okay wait, question.  Those orange jumpsuits with blue ked style shoes you see on prisoners on tv-- are those real?  Because someone is wearing that around the corner, hands behind back, away from other patients and with someone I can’t see.

Wait.  This is how that Hitchcock movie starts, isn’t it?
pru: ...Yeah that’s real, dude. DO NOT DROP ANY SOAP. FASHION A WEAPON.
merelyn: To be fair, depending on the color system of your local jail, orange could just mean awaiting trial and like, not even convicted of being a murderer or whatever.
leupagus: ...

I AM SO WORRIED RIGHT NOW.
mk: My only weapon is my semi hardened pseudo cast on my busted arm! I am so fucked!
twentysomething: Just- an ocean of D: face, all over. I can’t believe they’ve made you wait for an hour! While they treat CONVICTS first!
mk: There is a chance I might puke on someone if they don’t see me soon so I can get some water and take this thing off.
merelyn: Maybe it was just a colorful janitor, who knows.
mk: No, I think they just finished seeing him. Bi saw him walk away and he was fully in chains and handcuffs, legs chained yogether, hands behind his back.  No idea where the fuck they took him now.  Whhhyyyyyyy.  This entire day sucks large!
twentysomething: Fuck them in their faces! Puke on ALL THE THINGS, EM.




( Links )

can you tell what i typed on an ipad vs my laptop post-accident? its pretty obvious. here, have some emails:


from: mk
to: rageprufrock, zoetrope, twentysomething, merelyn, leupagus
re: While I am still moderately lucid
I feel like I am on a boat or in a hammock,  and I think its because of my fan

merelyn: OMG EMILY START CUTTING THOSE PILLS IN HALF BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM.
mk: Yeah that seems like maybe a good idea.  Allllll my pain is gone.  Too lazybto move cookies off the couch
merelyn: ......I hope you pass out really soon.
pru: ...Me too.
mk: I think I will. But first,mtactilebhallucinatims
leupagus: ...
mk: Okay, so before it got super bad I email Andy and Andrea to ask if they had a pill cutter, and they came upstairs and found me in a weird position, crying.  Not because I was upset! Just because my eyes felt like crying!  They cut a bunch of the pills and then left me to pass out and I had a bunch of tactile and auditory hallucinations, some crazy intense and angry dreams, slept for three or four hours, then woke up and puked up everything since breakfast.

So definitely half a pill next time.  I always forget how easily drugs affect me.  I’m all nauseated and dizzy. Mom is going to be so mad whenever she gets here with food.

Andrea also hid my motrin in case I confused the bottles saying “we don’t want you to pull a Heath ledger”.  Too soon!  Interrim boss at work says to just not come in this week.  God I hope I am not retarded when I have to go to the cocktail thing.  My impression from dad was “suck it up”, but he didn’t ever get freezing at the dentist until fairly recently.

Paul said he would like to see me give birth. I am just going to sit here and stare at things for awhile.
leupagus: That’s a good idea babe. Just rest.
pru: ...Holy shitballs, Emily.  That is the highest anybody has ever been sans the medicated grip of HEROIN.
mk: Experiment phase two.  Last night I ate a big bowl of chicken soup as a base, then took half a pill and crawled into bed.  I was sensitive to light and movement and felt nauseated but passed out within maybe half an hour, and only woke once in the night from pain.  Went back to sleep, woke up at normal time without alarm.  I definitely still feel woozy and kind of pukey, and don’t want to move my head or look at lights.  But I slept!  

Now the question is how do I make it through the day’s pain without just sleeping it away.  Maybe I need more food.
[...]
I don’t u derstand?  I’m still on these pills.  I haven’t taken one yet this morning because I don’t feel up to one handed eggo slathering yet, and I think if indent have some serious food in me it is y worse. Andy was just like “are you going in to work today?” and then acted surprised when I said no.  My family is retarded.  Now you know where “I’m fine, it’d just a concussion and I can’t use my arm” comes from.

Animal instinct says hide in a dark cave until it’s better.










( Fic Recs: Inception, Sherlock )


leupagus: Honeyyy I am so sorry! Do you want us to airmail you a care package or something?
mk: No, I’m okay!  I just took the first pill 30! Minutes ago and feel really lightheaded.  This might get weird
mk: I am already feeling pretty retarded.  I inky tick one.
merelyn: Uh oh, inky tick one.

You know what’s aggravating? I really enjoyed the Sherlock Holmes movie and wanted to buy it, but all the stores where closed. Since, for once, the iTunes copy came with extra features, I decided to buy it there. Then I tried to stream it to my Playstation3.

I have bought and paid for media centre software linking my mac to my PS3, but it won’t play movies I’ve bought in iTunes because of this incredibly lame iTunes DRM. I can’t stream, legally. The file took ages to download and then I tried six different ways to convert it or burn it or do something with it so I could watch it on my actual television. And I couldn’t.

Apple, it would have been easier and faster for me to download a high-res illegal copy of the DVD screener and stream it to my tv. For free. Without giving you any money. Way to make me think piracy is the best way to go. DRM sucks balls. See if I ever buy a movie on iTunes again.

( Fic Recs: Merlin )



Andrea: I believe I heard you package at the door...
MK: Really? Who does it say it’s from?
Andrea: Yes. It must be for you, it says No Ho on it.
Andrea: (I guess they didn’t see your facebook profile pic)





( Links )










( A 'conversation' between twentysomething and I )


And finally, you’ve probably heard me gripe about the AO3 repeatedly. I got into a discussion about it in the comments of my last post (on DW) and merrily contacted them on my behalf since, the last time I filled out a form there, no one got back to me. I actually heard back from the head of the accessibility team which is great right up to the part where until last week I totally didn’t realize this was an accessibility issue.

Oops? ( Some more information on this, just in case you're curious )

Guys I blacked out classic emily style on the doctor, then puked all over their office, then all over Noreen's car when she came to get me because I can't drive like this. This is why I don't go outside in summer. Oh god. I'm on the bathroom floor so my face can make friends with the toilet bowl.

Edit: Okay, here's what happened now that I've slept for a few hours and feel a little better. I was in the middle of my checkup and this medical student was taking my history. He was feeling my neck to check my thyroid or whatever and all of a sudden my vision started going. So I said, "Uhh... I feel okay, but I'm blacking out".
Medical Student: "What?"
And then my vision was totally gone, and the next thing I know I'm waking up flat on my back and a nurse is in there with us.

So I had to keep laying down because every time I sat up I started to black out again, but they finished the basic exam. I kept saying, "I'm fine, I'm fine, this happens a few times a year" and they accepted that, left me to change back into my clothes.

....and then I started projectile vomiting. Which is, uh, less usual for me. Not entirely unusual since, like I said, this happens a few times a year, but never this violently.

At any rate, I called Nyo to come get me (thank goodness she was home and had a car) and the car ride was enough that I wound up puking down the side of it and on my neighbour's driveway (well, Mom's neighbour's drive). I actually think one of the common elements crew saw me, so I'm sure it'll be all over the neighbourhood by now. Then I slept for three hours and I still feel pretty crappy, so I guess I'm staying in Sauga tonight.

Man I hope this is just a regular attack and not some disgusting flu thing.

( DISGUSTING AND A NIGHT OF TERROR )

I don't know where it went, I don't want to know, but I do know I will be scrubbing these floors like Cinderella on speed today. OH GOD.

Yesterday I found a tiny plastic Carebear outside Jewish Loblaws.

Obviously I kept it -- it has a rainbow on it's tummy.

( Links )





I read somewhere once that when women see a baby their pupils dilate because on a genetic level we are programmed to love babies or something. The other night I went to an event called Banned Together where excellent authors read children's books (by other authors) that had been banned or censored. Despite the books, authors, etc, being awesome, it was a terrible night capped off by the lady standing next to me with a baby strapped to her chest.

A bellowing baby. The baby bawled through several readings, but at the end of the night through two and a half straight while everyone in the room turned to look at her repeatedly and silently glare leave the room! while she just bounced around attempting to listen to a man read over her bawling, obnoxiously loud infant.

And then she decided that had been enough and wandered up to the front of the room to breast feed.

Really? Listen, at that point no one has dilated pupils. They are in fact wondering why you brought your baby to an event between 7 and 10 pm and then stood there while it bawled. Either get a sitter, leave the room, or stay home. EPIC FAIL.




( Fic Recs: Merlin, SGA )


I don't care if people make fun of PC Financial (The Cookie Bank), I've never had any problems with them. But when I have to do stuff with Bank of Montreal? It is just hours and hours of me swearing and nothing happening or making sense. Your site, phone systems, and general account services need to be completely re-done, BMO. YOU SUCK BALLS.

MOM: [e-mail] Subj: This one probably needs Andy's mind. [some flash game with frogs that Chinese 2nd graders do] I tried for five minutes and decided I don't need that much help to go crazy.
MK: [tries for 30 seconds] [fails] Yeah, I gave up.
ANDY:
ggg bbb; gggb bb; gg bgbb; g gbgbb; gbg gbb; gbgbg b; gbgbgb; gbgb bg; gb bgbg; bgbgbg; b gbgbg; bbg gbg; bbgbg g; bbgb gg; bb bggg; bbb ggg

The best part is that he's busy with law school right now, but took the time to send us this e-mail.

( Links )



( A little TMI: )







( Fic Recs: SGA, Merlin )

So if I disappeared on you last night it's because at 10-ish the power went out for most of the west end of Toronto. Actually it's a pretty huge zone and I'm right smack in the middle of it - no heat, no power, no light. It turns out we only had one candle and a handful of small flashlights.

Oops? Anyways, hopefully it'll be back up later today and in the meantime I've run away to the nice warm reference library (outside the zone) where there is free internet and heating and working toilets and power and food and stuff. Oh, Reference Library. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

But man, soon I'm going to have to eat something.

Did I mention it's -24C outside? And somewhere below freezing in my house?

I just got a cedar chest full of meat! VENISON AND A CEDAR CHEST.

<3 Dad, you win.