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Paige scowls at the schedule and makes her way to the locker room to change while hoping that no one tries to stop and chitchat. Three minutes and forty seconds to work a match. It is pathetic. Not for the first time she wonders if she was better off at NXT where she could really show what she is capable of. Sure she didn't get the same pay and not so many knew her name but it still felt more like she was working for her pay check. Staff and superstars alike scatter away from her glower as she gets to the locker room and if the slam of the door behind her startles the Bellas so what.

She's hardly aware of getting her gear on until her second boot is laced up and then she just lowers herself to the bench and sighs.

"Sucks huh?" Sasha mutters as she walks in to get changed herself. "Bit different from NXT."

"I thought the revolution was gonna change things man." Paige grumbles. "You guys stole Wrestlemania and this is what we get? Bitching at each other, taking an age to get the ring, and a tap-dance inside before we trot off again?

Sasha pauses in her attempts to pull on her tights and waves a hand towards Paige in a way she hopes is comforting. "Thanks for the ref but ...girl we're gonna change things. It used to be one stupid small segment. Now sometimes it is two. Stick with us."

"Yeah I know. I'm just...a long way from home and reality is sucky at times."

"Your fam follow you on TD though no? That must be a riot."

"Urgh don't." Paige laughs. "I still can't believe I am doing it. Like...after 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' here comes Paige and her weird obsession with Doc Martins."

Sasha laughs at that, a lovely ringing sound that makes something in Paige's stomach twist. "I love your docs. I love your fashion in general to be real. I'd never rock it but you do it well."

Paige does a shrug and gets to her feet. "I'll see you at gorilla."

"Can I see you after for food?" The way Sasha moves from foot to foot and bites her lip tells Paige she doesn't mean as friends. In that moment Paige hates how pale she is because she is sure her cheeks are filling with blood stained embarrassment.

"Um, yeah sure. Cool. I'll um...I don't know this city?"

"I'll yelp it while I change." Sasha laughs while pulling pads up to her arms. "I'll take care of you."

Paige's stomach flips and that night her bounce strut to the ring is far less put on and far more filled with genuine glee. When she finally puts Sasha down and pins her to the mat the other woman's eyes gleam and Paige thinks she is very much in trouble. Her music hits and the arena erupts and her smile radiates around the whole damn place.

Dean knows she has to say something because she's effectively pinned in by the two men watching her. Nervously. She doesn't like being the cause of those nerves. "How long? You've been fucking around for a couple of years but what about...this." Me.

Seth shrugs and pulls the glass of wine towards himself like a barrier between them. "Pretty much since then but...guess I, we, kinda feared what happened anyway. We didn't want you thinking you were a piece of ass. You worked so hard to be allowed to do your thing with us and..."

"We didn't want to ruin it for you." Roman states quietly. "You're gonna hate us for saying it and you can hit me later but let me talk?"

He quirks an eyebrow at her and gives her a shy smile. The sort that is fuckin hard to argue with so she nods but folds her arms across her front to show she's irritated. That only puts more emphasis on her tits so she thumps her fists down on the table instead. "Right then. We...I mean we sort of talked about it a few times but it was kind of a pipe dream. WE hoped you'd get more settled then if something did happen and it jeopardised the team or someone found out or some shit then you'd be in a more stable position to maintain your place on the card."

And while she doesn't hate them in that instant she does feel a flash of utter fury. Then a sick twist of something in her gut. Then acceptance on some sort of level. "You know gender doesn't matter to me Dean. I like you for you. All of you. It was and is lovely to see you dressed this way but I'd want you taped up, pinned down and in a hoody three sizes too big. We didn't mean to be so...so..."

"Manly." Seth grunts from the side with a shrug at Roman. "As good a word as any. I feel the same. You're unpredictable and keep me on my toes. You inspired me to do better at FCW. Standing with you between us in those nasty ass vests was like standing on the top of the world. We were defying everyone and everything and I loved it. Didn't want to fuck it up by thinking with the wrong dick."

Fuck, it has happened so backwards. She knows really that they mean what they say. They have both caught glimpses of her half naked before and know she is hardly pristine porcelain under her clothes. No, she is scars from childhood and wrestling rings and bar fights she didn't start but sure as fuck finished. They have always stood side by side with her as Seth said. Gingerly she picks up the whiskey and throws it back all at once and takes the sting of the moment to stop her brain and just think.

They don't fight as the SHIELD anymore so she can't screw that up. Creative have not sent her packing back to NXT, over to the women's division or down the card so she clearly hasn't screwed that up. Anyone who still harboured any confusion over her gender is now in the know so that can't screw it up. Really it is just about if she wants it.

Many will question whether Dean is a female at all and is where there will be confusion because too many people confuse female with feminine. Sure if Renee, Nikki and Sasha want to attack her with makeup over wine and fatty foods one night in a hotel room she probably won't fight them off but she isn't about to go out of her way to do her face every morning and she won't be searching out Hugh Grant movies any time soon. She's rather watch a game with Roman and listen to him talk tactics in a way that only he can.

Seth is the one who harps on about eating well and getting enough sleep and they have feuded epically. At no point has he let their on-screen separation impact their off-screen friendship. He always seems to appear with a coffee and painkillers when she's considering a self inflicted hysterectomy in the backseat of their rental. Roman carries bags and Dean makes sure they don't fuck up their tax forms. Seth makes sure they don't end up in the middle of the country. Lost. Again.

Really, they have everything in their relationship but the affection and the fucking and Dean has never been one to take too long to think things through. "Dinner. I want some. Get your asses on Yelp while we finish the wine and find somewhere and let's try this date thing."

"What now?" Seth splutters, sounding terrified but Dean only nods, her bangs falling down over her face as she worries her lower lip. She can't lose her fucking nerve.

"Yes. Now. I know you like planning but I ain't a hard girl to please so hop on it."

Roman's hand crosses under the table and squeezes her knee gently. "You should get pleased though. People should wanna do that."

And Dean is not thinking about how much better that tone he can find in his voice sounds when directed at her. Nope.

*
She takes pity, just a little, on the men and asks Seth to let her out to the bathroom so they can plot or whatever. It is a test really. If they drag her off to some late night hotel that does five course meals where the main is a cube of meat and one potato then they can get to fuck. It would be nice to be offered more than a burger though. Maybe a nice burger? She doesn't know what she's doing and suddenly wishes she had changed before fleeing the arena. She could change now, she supposes, but that would give an inkling she feels afraid or threatened or some shit. Nah.

Then she realises that worrying about those things shows that anyway and gets more irritated. Other women in the restroom touch up their make up in the mirror and it draws Dean's attention to her own face. The gloss is faded from her lips but the rest is still perfect due to the skill of the WWE make up team. She hadn't let them put her on their twitter or instagram or whatever the fuck they have but she might go say thanks or something. Privately.

Not that she cares if the makeup has faded but she'd rather not look like a panda. Running liner and smudged eye shadow brings back bad memories she doesn't want to deal with. Teeth chattering. Bruises that can't be hidden. Thin wrists and being roared at as she shoved her drawers between herself and the outside world.

"Want a touch up?" Someone asks from her left. Dean startles and turns to see a young woman offering her a red lipstick.

"Nah I'm good. Thanks." Man. It almost falls on the end and she thinks she really doesn't interact with women does she?

"You look buff! You must work out like a boss!" The woman carries on with a smile, clearly not picking up how fucking uncomfortable Dean is because what.

"Crossfit bullshit."

"Oh like Seth Rollins? Crossfit Jesus. Urgh damn I'd tap-"

And if she's rude Dean for leaving right then and there she gives zero fucks because she is not getting herself caught in a bar with Seth and a weird groupie in her dress. Surely the woman will put it together soon enough and nah.

As she stammers and hauls her ex-teammates out of their seats she thinks she may have been harsh on the woman but still. There is something nervous bubbling under her skin at the idea that someone will start taking pictures of her outside in the real world with a dress.

"I wasn't finished my drink." Seth snaps as soon as they hit the sidewalk.

"You didn't even pay for it asshat." Dean retorts as Roman chuckles. "Just tell me you're going to feed me."

"Sure are. We uh found a burger joint a block away that uses fresh ground meat and you can choose spices or whatever and they cook it in front of you." He says it confidently but he doesn't look it. Dean relishes the attention just a little. Damn they got it right.

"Lead on then, Thor."

"Stop calling me that." Roman says but it is joking and so Dean feels fine about shoving her hands through both Seth and Roman's to create a chain.

"Hey I never started it! But I have seen those Samoan Thor signs in the stands and they amuse me so fuckin deal with it."

"I'm just glad this place is gonna be healthy and we can really see what goes into our meals and stuff. It makes a nice-"

"Shut up dude." Roman snaps. "Leave Crossfit Jesus home for a second yeah?"

Dean's heart stops for a split second but then she's chuckling and demanding Seth hand over his hoodie.

"You have your own in your bag!"

"But I want yours."

"Cool but you ain't getting it, dickhead."

And that has Dean cackling. Seth is his usual self and shoves her up and down the sidewalk like she is in her usual jeans and heavy boots. This might just work. As long as they get through dinner ok.

Seth finds him after the cameras stop and Dean quirks an eyebrow. Seth shifts his weight from one leg to the other and scowls and Dean can't help but reflect on the weight he's gained. The thickness. More scowls and Dean smirks and rolls himself from one shoulder to the other.

"You know....Tonight was bullshit ok?" Seth snaps.

"Ok, princess."

"Don't call me that." Seth spits and it is like every hair he has stands on end. Dean chokes back a laugh and understands why he has been labelled an 'angry badger' after being in the ring for ten minutes. "What the fuck is so funny?!"

There is no right way to answer so Dean just raises his eyebrows again and watches Seth freak out more.

"Asshole. You think you are so smart talking Spanish and crashing me into the table? Yeah? Well you're not."

"Didn't think I was, Justin. I came here and I did my job and if you get in the way well....that sucks for you I guess." Dean states with a grin that has Seth all but vibrating with rage.

"I'm not a fucking J- no. You know what? No. We're not going there."

"Are we? Cause I know you liked it when I grabbed your ass. I know you liked it when we were up close and oh so personal in Japan. I'd say we are already there." Dean's smiling but really he is on edge. It could go one way or really badly the other.

Seth looks smaller in his jeans and hoody and somehow also with his hair dry. His dark brown eyes are wide and conflicted and that should help Dean but it doesn't.

"It wasn't like that." Seth spits out after a few tense minutes.

"Really." Dean drawls. "How long will it take for you to convince yourself of that bub?"

"Fuck you Ambrose." And then Seth is gone. His suitcase is up under his arm as if it makes him faster and somehow that makes Dean cackle. They know each other too well.

It ain't over. There's no doubting that.

The thing about the dress and the makeup and how new it is to Dean is that it lets her blend into a bar after the awards and no one notices her. There is a re-run of the previous smackdown showing her match on the TV but she looks so different that no one puts that together with the red head sat in the corner nursing a bottle of red wine. It felt like a red wine sort of night. Wine takes time to drink, especially if you don't set out looking for a fuckin' hangover, and so it lets her think.

We. She knew Seth and Roman were a thing before they did but she never entertained the idea of them wanting something more. Something like her. Despite her spit out snarls at the show she knows her boys well enough to know they would never say such things that imply such things if not serious. Somehow that makes it harder to handle and ponder. So red fucking wine and a permanent scowl and a phone she is not looking at.

To be fair there is only the one text from Seth and missed call from Roman who prefers a more direct approach.

It is not that Dean does not feel pretty. It is more that she grew up where she did and she had to learn how to survive and that meant jeans and big hoodies and learning a solid right hook at a hell of a young age. Being complimented on her looks tended to lead to her skin crawling. Makeup and hair and stuff costs money she never had growing up so she just never learned that shit. Or at least she never got used to it. There was more cash in taping herself down and fighting the guys. Her voice has always been low and harsh due to a childhood around a chain smoking mother and fuck knows what else her string of boyfriends took on top.

Sure, she agreed to show herself when asked but the reality of it is like a stone in her stomach. It is one thing for Alberto to fist bump her and love their matches but now she feels vulnerable. She's never appeared like that in front of the only two people she has left. And now they want what she both fears and wants. Fuck.

By the time she's come through her thoughts the wine bottle is empty and she's demanded another. She may have also texted Seth.

***

The phone vibrates and lights up and dings on the table and they both stare at it wordlessly. Both Seth and Roman have returned to the hotel and given up hope of Dean getting in touch. A bar is her most likely location and if they are honest they are banking on it taking her at least a day to get into touch so they can get their game plan together. Well life fucks people over doesn't it?

Seth notices first. "It's her man. She is down the street. Wants us to join her. Sounds drunk if I'm honest cause I know she's shit with a phone but she usually hates letting typos getting past her."

Roman does that thing where he shrugs his shoulders and his whole body just seems to apologise and while normally Seth would find it endearing now he just finds it irritating. "Helpful. So are we going or not?"

"If we do what to we say when we see her?"

"Well clearly no comments on her appearance. She's... it should be her thing. I guess. I don't know."

"You act like I do." Roman mutters while looking for his sneakers. " We can only go listen I guess. Shit I mean...she's still Dean. We're still gonna tape her wrists and laugh when she does that thing where she falls half out the ring and comes back in so...maybe we tell her that?"

"Maybe." Seth has no idea. "Should I like...do something with my hair?"

"Don't be a dick."

"Fuck you too." Seth snarls and follows Roman out into the corridor.

***

The second bottle of wine has been left untouched since Seth said they were on their way. Hell, Dean even ordered another two glasses and she doesn't even know if Seth drinks it. She's pretty sure that Roman does. Either way she has three whiskeys sitting waiting just because she thinks they might need it.

Her life feels like it has reached another corner. Her career ain't gonna change and she's been assured of that but she doesn't want one dress and some eyeliner to force her into travelling with Summer fucking Rae or some shit. She needs her boys to be on board.

Dean doesn't know how her phone actually works so she can't distract herself with it. All she can do is either watch a show she has already performed or people watch and she goes for the latter. People are kinda interestin when oblivious. It is nice to watch fans when they are being honest in their reactions. By the time she notices Seth and Roman slink into the bar she is determined to crush some balls and get the women who are actually wrestling women more air time because damn the fans want it.

She's got a speech half written in her head when Seth is pushing her into the wall and Roman is using a backpack to block himself off on the other side. Dean can't help it.

She starts laughing from the pit of her stomach.

She does get it. She does. Block them off. Get privacy . No questions or autographs or harassment but he's huge and blocking himself off with a bag as Seth is trying to disappear into his hoody and dammed if she doesn't need this.

As she tries to pull back her splutters she pushes both the glasses for wine and whiskeys towards the two men. Seth raises an eyebrow and Roman laughs gently so she figures she is fine for now.

"You done Ambrose?"

"Dunno, Rollins I find you pretty funny. Pretty sure I could fit in that hoody with you."

"Yeah, sure you could." And it could have crossed that line but it doesn't. It isn't them now. It is them then then.

"Rome, he's bullying me."

"So kick him in the nuts." Yeah they are back on course.

"Do either of you even drink wine? I just...I wanted some and then I wanted more and then I wanted to talk and-"

"It is good. We got it." Roman states firmly and pours them all a glass as if to prove a point.

"Fuckin good then cause I paid for it." She splutters.

"Ain't no one asked you to do that." Roman states firmly and another muscle in Dean's back relaxes because it is just him.

"You've never been one for shit so... we gonna talk about this?" Seth states. It should be a question but it is too flat.

Dean pushes herself further away from him. Bullshit time is over.

"Well I dunno what you want me to say given...well you guys...said more. And shit." She adds that in for effect but it doesn't work. A conversation clearly took place before she was brought into it.

"We like you." Roman states. "We liked you before. We like you now. Just cause we never seen you like this...kind of a shock. Made us say things we didn't have a plan for yet. I mean...three folks aren't...the norm."

"You afraid of me?" is Deans gut reaction but the glower from Seth settles that down in an instant. Both take a drink.

Dean stares. Then she downs her whiskey. She was right. They are afraid. Of her.

Dean has done a lot of shit over the years. Stupid and dangerous shit that he never told Seth or Roman about. Roman is the first to find the evidence because he is the least experienced and spends his down time at FCW looking up matches on youtube to learn from. The saw and the blood and he got good cash for that ok?

He knows the exact day Roman finds it and the instant he shows Seth. They look like puppies. Kicked ones. Runts of the litter. It hurts.

But then they both force him onto the bed of another nameless hotel and frame his body with kisses and soft touches and the words he didn't know he needed. "Never again."

Most superstars sleep better when they are home and in their own beds with their chosen tog of duvet and the right hardness of mattress. Dean has never been like most superstars. When he gets home to his Vegas pad he hardly sleeps at all because Roman is not there. He has come to depend on the heavy arm across his stomach and the smell of coconut oil as he drifts off. He feels lonely at home. He would pack up his shit and move into Roman's Florida apartment in a heartbeat but he's still nervous and cautious and waiting for Roman to realise how bad his past was and leave. They have known each other four years, fucked for two but still Dean is unsure. He has always stumbled through life from one support network to the next and never kept one in place. He is grateful to every one of them but it has it engrained in his mind that good things don't last for Dean Ambrose. But , Roman stays and Dean changes. Roman deals with Dean's shit. Roman cares and after a while that is enough to get Dean to drop off. The rest of it will come.

Dean is just Dean. Always has been. She was thrown into their stable to be eye candy or whatever and decided screw that and has kicked ass ever since. Both Seth and Roman have seen the tapes from her Indy days and how she'd take on women, men and the fucking environment to put on a good show. Barbed wire across her face and blood running down her cheeks was normal and they respected her for it.

They never question the name. Ok, Seth calls her Deana one time and swears his jaw has never sat right since.

She's Dean. They are Shield. Roman and Seth fuck and Dean makes jokes and they make it work. At first Roman is not even sure the fans realise Dean is a girl because her hair is short and messy and after the sports bra and the vest she's all pinned down. If someone knew they would notice but they don't and so don't want to see and that suits Dean fine. They kick ass in the ring and outside of it Dean is always in big hoodies and big jeans and thinks out-farting Seth is the most important competition of her life.

It doesn't even register to curl up on one bed together and neither Seth nor Roman blink when one ends up sharing with Dean on their own. It is just the way it is. Bank balances and getting more beer in.

Of course things start to change over time. Dean's hair gets longer and she doesn't cut it. It starts to frame her face more and somehow her dimples stand out. The Shield is broken for creative reasons and her attire changes and gets harder to hide her shape. The internet explodes with the truth and Dean drags Seth and Roman into her hotel room and throws things around through tears thinking her career is over. The fans rally and somehow the number of fans who recognise talent outnumber the sexist sacks of shit.

She's still taking on the men and creative and the locker-room agree that will continue but something still changes. Del Rio can agree to fight her but there is still a tension there. Roman fights himself over his desire to protect her because she's Dean and that is the last thing she needs. Seth forces himself not to beat workers to it and rip the sexist signs out of fans hands and tear them to shreds.

She's still Dean.

Creative ask her if she wants to ease up on the sports bras and the bindings and maybe show herself a little more. She storms out the meeting and rants at Seth over the phone for forty minutes before he convinces her it might actually help her performance to not feel so restricted.

Fuck you., she had snarled down the phone but then on Raw Seth saw the differences as she beat Harper up and down the arena.

She sends him a text that night about how it was easier to move but still fuck him>/i> and Seth pays for them to get waffles the next morning. Dean's never done social media so she doesn't need to deal with the fallout but it feels like Seth's phone never stops. Neither does Roman's. They try to turn off well everything but there always seems to be a box that they never bothered to tick.

The Slammys come sooner than expected and the Shield finds themselves up for awards even if not technically together. They feel together. They hope to win things while texting each other and hoping together.

Dean gets asked to hand out an award and Roman and Seth think nothing of it but huddle around a tv to watch Dean do her thing. The music hits, they share a look, and then Dean appears and time kind of comes to an awkward grinding halt.

Dean looks amazing.

Dean does not look like Dean.

The sports bras that pin down her breasts are gone and so are the baggy shirts and hoodies that did the job the rest of the time. Instead she is wearing a blue dress that ties around her neck and flares from her middle. Leggings reach her knees and blue pumps cover her feet. She is far from a diva but she is stunning and both men watch her stunned.

"Damn, she's...well...somethin." Roman states to break the silence. He's half hard and it is awkward cause he can see Seth is too.

"Shit. Yeah. Man I knew she would never go all push up bra and heels but I never even considered a dress."

"Looks damn good in it." Roman breathes.

"We should...probably tell her that. I mean she's...she don't..."

"Yeah. Wait. Are we?" Roman mutters, suddenly unable to meet Seth's eye.

"Been fucked by you. Kind of really want to fuck her. She'd probably slap you while I did it." Seth states bluntly and Roman cringes into his red cheeks.

"Well ain't gonna get that talking like that" Roman huffs. "She doesn't know we...you know."

"Bullshit. She isn't blind Roman. Now...let's go get our woman yeah?"

"She's gonna deck you for that."

"You going to tell her?"

"Tell her what?" Shit. Dean appears with a smile a golden envelope that she smacks off Roman's forehead without a thought. "I'm waiting?"

"You...looked damn good out there. Beautiful." Seth eventually stutters and it takes him perhaps five seconds to realise that was a mistake.

Dean shuts down.

"Yeah. Sure. Dress, tits and ass. All I'm needed for andmgp-" Roman's hand is against Dean's mouth and for a second Dean is still before she seems to vibrate with rage against everything around her.

"Stop. You ain't that to us. You looked beautiful tonight. Just like you do every night. Every night. Right Seth?"

Seth is nodding and Dean is glaring and Roman...well he's something.

"Shield is still us. We're still a group. " Seth states.

"Yeah, but now you're thinking of shoving your -"

"We didn't need to see that to want that." Roman states firmly and that is when Dean stumbles over the pumps she's worn. Seth catches her and she throws out a slap before getting to her locker and shoving in the pin.

Fuck, Dean had known Seth and Roman but we, we, we, we, we.

"I need to think."

And she's pulling things out her locker and there is a big hoodie over her shoulders and Seth and Roman and cringing and of course. She storms out without a second glance to them but she's cursing everything else. She should never have worn the dress. Never have listened to them saying to ease up. Never taken the tape off. Never grown her hair.

But they had done so much. Been so much.

She'll be fine.

569 roman/dean

Fucking hell Uce chill!" Is what snaps Roman out of his rage filled haze. Jey's fingers are pressing into his shoulder joint and pulling him back slightly as Roman blinks. His eyes feel heavy and the empty water bottle he had had in his hand is now a mangled mess. "You need to deal with yo damn feelings."

"Ain't nothing to deal with." Roman grunts, finally turning away from watching Dean get into his gear and more importantly his fellow superstars doing the same.

"Caught you hiding a hard-on too many times in high school to not recognise when you're popping for someone. Man up and talk to Ambrose instead of terrorising the general population with your jealousy."

Roman scowls and shoves his own bag into a corner before heading out into the hallway with his cousin on his heels. "Nothing to be jealous of. He's...you know."

Single.

"There could be if you don't say something. You guys are too close to ruin it if that is where your brain is taking you."

"Why? You heard shit?" Roman demands to Jey's laughter.

"No, but even I can see he's a good looking dude and good looking dudes get chased."

Roman scowls, again, and throws the remnants of his water bottle in the nearest bin before upping his pace, suddenly needing to put a little more distance between himself and Dean. Jey's right and that is utterly infuriating. Dean gets attention. He will get more attention as time goes on and at some point he is going to notice and return it.

Not cool.

Jey is also right in that Roman doesn't want to ruin things. He doesn't want Jack fucking Swagger staring at Dean's ass either but if he does nothing and says nothing then he really has no right to think anything.

"You got a plan for me then? Cause I am clearly useless."

"Well...I'm thinking you could try talking to me and not your cousin." Shit. Fuck. Screw that.

Dean.

There is a slap to his shoulder and he knows Jey is bailing even as he turns to face his crush. Dean has lips pursed and there is a roll of tape hanging off his right wrist where he is fixing himself up for the ring. Roman decides that is a good place for his gaze as he tries to stop the blood rushing to his face and he's glad for the years of training in not reacting inside a ring to fall back on.

"I can see them watching. That means I can see you watching. Ya' know?" Dean says in that quiet sort of dangerous way that he has. He moves forward slowly and takes Roman by the arm and pulls him further down the corridor, smiles at crew member and generally looks like everything is just fine. Like nothing major is happening.

"I'm sorry."

Dean turns them around a corner and then Roman is suddenly reminded why Dean has won titles when he's pressed against the wall with a harsh thud. "Didn't say you had to be sorry. Just think you should do something about it."

A knee between his legs. Heavy breathing against his cheek. Bright eyes he's dreamt of too many times. "I got a match. See you later?"

He's nodding but Dean isn't watching and if he didn't think he'd be caught Roman would be sliding down the wall.

When most of the other superstars see Roman he is either in a hoody or his ring gear. His hair is up and he is beaming or it is down and he's scowling. Working. It is as simple as that. He thinks nothing of stripping off his vests after his matches but most of his co-workers only see him when another shirt has been thrown on top. It is only when he is comfortable in his time as champ that he feels comfortable in walking around without a shirt, another layer of protection as it were.

That is when they start to see the bruises. They all have them but Roman's don't add up. Not to Chris. Not to Kevin. Not even to AJ and he's only just rocked up. Hell, if anyone could call bullshit it would be AJ given he's been the one handing out the bruises.

"You guys are ok? Right Roman? Like...ok?" It comes from fucking Becky and Roman can't do more than stare and nod and walk the fuck on because really? He's well, him.

They 'you' goes unquestioned because everyone keeps fuckin asking. Him and Dean. Dean and Him. Roman he no idea what it means.

It is getting tiring.

"I mean, if you need someone man." From Aj.

Fucking hell.

It is Charlotte who puts it on the line, mostly as she doesn't give a shit. " If my man was knocking lumps out of me he'd be long gone. Just saying."

Shit.

"They think you're beating me, man." Roman states into the dark while he waits on his heartrate calming down.

"What?"

"S'what they think man. That you're beating me. You. Beating. Me." Roman laughs, like it is the most hysterical thing he has ever heard but Dean rolls over and looks serious.

"Shit." Then he laughs. "Scenes need to be more controlled big cat."

You're not going to make it easy for me, are you?

Felipe was automatically the second driver because Fernando had titles and Felipe didn't. It was nothing to do with not liking Felipe and nothing to do with Fernando demanding things. Teams automatically pick a first. Given their histories it had to be Fernando. However, Felipe's personality made it difficult for Fernando to accept and he never expected that. Felipe was happy, chipper, happy to be a in a car in a way that Fernando could never grasp. Fernando had never faced death the way Felipe had and wrapping his mind around the whole thing is hard. Ignoring the scar is harder.

Without him wanting it to Fernando found himself drawn towards the small Brazilian. He wanted to know why he came back, why he still smiled, why he put his life on the line. Then he wanted to know why he looked at him the way he did, why he blushed, why he never spoke up against the things in Fernando's favour. Felipe never made sense and that is what always drove Fernando to understand him.

It is easier when Felipe leaves. Fernando will never know if it was forced or chosen but either way Felipe is gone and Kimi stares at him from across the garage. There was no agenda in going to talk to him, buy him a drink, laugh with him. Fernando learnt things from further away than he ever could have by his side. When he made the podium Fernando found himself happier than if it was himself. His podium would merely be another. Felipe's meant more.

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merenwen

July 2016

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Style: Tropical for Bases by malionette

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never give up

never give in

Recent Entries

blood stained embarrassment. wc500

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