imarcy: (Default)
Greetings! This journal will probably be a bit sporadic. Mostly because I'm a slacker and what was once a big joy of mine (writing), seems to be dwindling. This is my attempt to get back to it!

I am trying hard to get back to the land of the living, really am, after my dad's passing (almost 4 years ago). So, this is my little spot to try to do that. If you'd like to be a part of the journey, please friend me (and I'll friend back). Below the cut is a photo + about me + bullet point about what I normally do write about (and what I hope to going forward).

All About Meeeee )
imarcy: (Miss You)
Couldn't sleep and was still up around 4am with thoughts running through my head. The below was done into notes via voice at 4am so it's not clean nor grammatically, correct but it's raw, so I'm leaving it as it is.




Six years ago today my dad passed away from stage 4 rectal cancer. Not a day goes by that I do not miss him. Not a day goes by that I do not have conversations with him still. And even though I know he can’t answer me, deep in my heart I hope that he can hear me. I love you so much dad. I miss you so much. Some days are so much harder than others. Time has eased the grief of losing you. Every day I look around me and I wish you were here. I look at my niece and nephew, your grandbabies, and wish you were here to spend time with them and cherish them like you cherished your children. I wish so much that we could still communicate. I hate this thing that separates us. I hate death. I hate losing those that I love so much. You were taken way too young and way too early. I know that nothing can be done. That this is part of life. But it doesn’t mean that I have to like it. I worry every day about who might be next and I hate living like that because it’s not really living. I wish you were here to share your wisdom. I wish you were here to give me one more smile. One more laugh. I love you so damn much and I miss you so damn much every single day. You are never, ever far from my thoughts.
imarcy: (Q-MustSleep)
Niece is sick with the flu (my poor sweet girl), and so we have the lil guy the rest of this week starting tomorrow. I should be asleep since he'll be here in 6 hours but of course, now that I went to bed at 10PM I can't sleep! I hate it. Not that he's a lot of work... he sleeps, poops, eats, and sleeps some more, but I also don't want to be exhausted cuz that will throw the week off for me.

So yeah, Niece got sick last Friday, and they took her to the doctor on Monday (I was over there to watch the little guy while they went), and our poor girl is just miserable and it breaks my heart. Between Friday and Monday night she got mom, so that's why baby boy is coming to us for the next few days to give mom a little break since both of them at once is rough and Niece is still too sick for us to watch (she only wants mom when she's like this <3).

This is also a rough week for me. On the 9th it'll be six years since my dad passed away and so I'm all up in my feels and hence the lack of posts last few days. I just get so zoned into my emotions I can't concentrate usually to make a post or play video games or do much of anything. I'd share them, but I'd rather not depress passerby's.

I'm writing now because I can't sleep and need to distract my mind and hopefully calm it down enough for sleep. Don't think it worked though... but I'm going to just lie in bed and stare at the cieling. Eventually I'll get bored enough to sleep? HAHAHHA> I'm so funny. I hate you lots of the time, brain!

Bleh Blah

Jun. 2nd, 2022 11:35 pm
imarcy: (Q-blahblahblah)
Meant to post last night, but time got away from me. I signed up back to Warcraft and was catching up on the emissary quests times on 10 characters. The token finally dropped low enough LOL. I do like that I can pay for my WoW sub with WoW gold, so that's a new addition to the game I'm happy for. Saves me $15 a month! Instead I put that $15 toward the ESO subscription for the perks there. So it works out (:

Yesterday (and today), Niece was/is here. I hadn't slept all at Tuesday night, so yesterday was pretty rough. It did help that when the niece napped, I managed to sleep for about 30minutes myself, or else I think I wouldn't have made it the rest of the day Lol.

Spent yesterday and today working on catching up on the Emissary quests, since I missed on those. Made almost all of my gold back from buying the token, so I'm pretty happy with that. It means whatever I make from here on out is 'extra' and will go toward the next token. It's actually not too hard to make decent gold now with all the emissary quests.

Saturday we are watching the little guy while bro and sis-in-law go out. Niece will be having a sleep over with some of her cousins, so they should have some nice quality time together before they come by to pick up baby boy... probably around 9 or 10pm. We told them he can sleep over, but he's still a wee one and sis-in-law doesn't want to do it just yet.

I took a nap earlier, so now I'm wide awake, and it's 4am. Eeep! We don't have nice tomorrow, so that's why I took the nap, lol. Guess I'll go try to get some shut eye. (:

I'll do a 30minute writing tomorrow. My brain juices be lacking these last two days.
imarcy: (Summer-Vintage Beach)
Today mom and I went over to the bro and sis-in-law's house to watch the little guy so that she could go grocery shopping with my Niece. We got there about 2:45PM but she decided not to go anymore since her car's AC is busted and today was 98 with about 60% HUMIDITY! That is a big ole NOPE from me too.

We decided to stick around anyway and help out with the little guy for another hour since bro was coming home soon from work anyway, and they could go in his car. Lil baby boy was fussy here and there, and I have a feeling a toothy is starting to come in, especially since his cheeks were rosy all afternoon/evening (usually a sign, but not always!).

They went grocery shopping, and he woke up from his short nap almost right after they left lol. Which just means we got to make him laugh and giggle that cute little baby giggle I love so much for the hour and a half it took them to go and come back. I have a few videos of him doing the giggle stuff, BUT .. I'm waiting for a super epic one so I'm not one of those aunts that constantly shares HAHA.

They got home about 6, and invited us to stay for dinner, so we ate and helped them get the kids ready for bed, leaving about 740. Mom still wanted to stop in at the grocery since we have almost nothing in the house. I don't know where it all goes since it's just us two and we rarely eat! I think the month just goes by so much faster than we realize lol.

Anywho, got home and had my first ice cream this summer and it really hit the spot on this gawdawful humid-filled day. I try not to eat dairy as much anymore. As I've gotten older, certain things just don't sit well with me anymore, and dairy has become one of those things. I do like my ice cream though, so it can be rough in the summer LOL. Rest of the year it's no problem since I never drink milk (my bones are gonna hate my ass sooner rather than later), or eat things like cheese. I do like yogurts but again, don't eat them often so it's not usually a problem. Getting old SUCKS man! Lol

Anywho. It's almost 1:30am, and niece will be here a little after 7am, so I would like at least 5 hours of sleep (takes me forever to fall asleep lol).

OH ... before I go. I've been playing quite a bit of Elder Scrolls since my WoW sub is currently on hiatus (waiting on a GC to arrive!), and I redid my main character's look. I love it so much, I have to share it here! She's a Magicka Templar and a LOT of fun. My previous main was a Magicka Sorcerer which is also a lot of fun, but definitely enjoying Templar more.

Screenshot_20220531_235252

Screenshot_20220531_235132
imarcy: (Snoopy Write)
My 30 Minutes for today. Thanks for reading! <3 Reminder: No editing, no reading it over. I write, and then click POST.




When the call came, it was too late. By the time I was notified, the virus had spread beyond escape, but we didn't know that yet.

TEN HOURS AFTER INITIAL CALL

"Amber! Are you packed yet?!" I yell up the stairs for the thirteenth time in twenty minutes to my teenage daughter.

"Almost. You still haven't said where we're going, mom." She yells back. I hear a few items thump on the hardwood floor and a few whispered curses.

Throwing some cans of soup into one of the few boxes we have lying around, I ignore the swearing and lug the box out to the car, packing it strategically into the trunk so I can fit more crap.

I glance around the neighborhood where my thirteen year old has spent her entire life and hold back the tears. They have no idea what's coming, and if I say anything, I risk my daughter's life. Watching as the sun sets off in the west, the sky transforms into a rich array of bright colors, the beauty something I often take for granted..

Clearing my throat, I jog back into the house, throwing more non-perishables into another box. I place some sliced bread on top as well as some boxed crackers. Opening up the small cooler, I drop in a handful of water bottles as well as what's left of the cold cuts and sliced cheeses for sandwiches later. I quickly go bring the box out to the car, fitting it just right into the trunk.

After that trip, I head into my downstairs bedroom and pack mostly warm clothes as we'll be headed north after this. I throw in a pair of snow boots and a pair of thick gloves for both myself and Amber.

A bag is thumped down the steps, and a pouty teenager greets me in the kitchen. "Where are we going in such a rush anyway?" She groans in annoyance. Not able to tell her friends anything, Amber's gaze shoots daggers at her uncompromising mom, me.

"I told you. We are helping my job perform a test drill. Part of the test is not telling anyone, anything. That includes you. I can't leave you here alone for a week, so you're with me, Ambylynn."

She rolls her eyes. "I'm too old for that nickname, mom."

I wink at her eye roll and nod out to the driveway. “Go throw your luggage into the back seat. You're sure you packed your warm clothes, right?"

She mutters a confirmation and shuffles her way out the front door to the driveway.

I glance around the kitchen and let out a sigh. Knowing that in a few months, there will be a lot of empty homes like this one, and many not by choice, I try to put it all into my memory banks. That reminds me. I quickly rush into the living room and pluck out two of the photo albums, making sure to put them into a tote so that Amber doesn’t see them just yet. The urge to warn my closest friends vibrates through me, but Amber walks back into the kitchen with a confused look just as I grip the tote against me. .

"Why does it look like we're taking the entire kitchen with us?" Her skepticism speaks to her intelligence. Or, being a teenager.

"It's rough country where we're going. I just like to be prepared," I lie some more. Might as well keep them going.

She doesn't look convinced, but shrugs. I push the small cooler across the counter. "In the front between us, and can you throw my luggage on top of yours?" I roll it forward.

She grabs the handle, and saying nothing, brings everything out to the car.

My mind races over the quick list I made earlier in the day after driving to the store for some quick necessities: toilet paper, hand towels, big jugs of water, and a full canister of gasoline, all packed into the trunk at the moment. The outpost is supposed to contain enough essential items, but I don't want to take any risks. The car already had a first aid kit, so I do not grab the large and hefty one from the storage closet.

I unplug the two charges off the counter and tuck them into my purpose. The power will probably be one of the first things to go, but if they can find generators at some point, they might get lucky and keep communication going until things settle down. Hopefully.

Amber strolls back in, hands deep on her front pockets, worry now etched into her expression. I tug on her arm, pulling her into a hug and kiss her forehead. "We'll be okay. I promise," I whisper.

She tugs herself out of my grasp and frowns. "Mom... is this something I should tell my friends."

I give her a tight smile, trying desperately to portray calm and reassurance. "No. It's nothing, I promise. If we fail this test, when something really bad happens, we might not get picked."

"Picked for WHAT?" Her voice rises a bit. "You have never really told me what you do. Only that it's all hush hush."

I release a deep breath. "Now's not the time. We have a long trip ahead of us, so how about I fill you in on the road?"

She frowns, but knows I won't budge and just stomps out of the house.

Habit has me locking the front door, even though I know in a week or two it won't matter. God. All these people.

I shake my head... No, Jenna. Think of Amber. She is your only priority.

"Hey Amber! Hey Jenna!" Bob, our neighbor, waves over the short white fence, hose in hand as he waters his petunias. "Going on a trip?" He eyes the full trunk.

Amber ignores him and jumps into the car, slamming the door shut. I clear my throat as I toss my handbag into the middle console and give him a quick wave. "Yeah, just a few days up to the cabin."

He nods, his smile wide as he cranes his head at our mailbox. "I'll grab your mail as usual," he offers.
I don't have the heart to tell him not to bother and simply wave my thanks and jump into the car, quickly buckling myself in, and starting up the Toyota four-door.

I pull out a little too fast, getting an odd look from both Bob and Amber, and remind myself that it's not happening yet. That we're both okay, and the changes will take time. We only have to make it to the outpost before Midnight Friday for the vaccinations. That gives Amber and I just over two days to get there, and to safety.

Fully making the next stop sign, I'm not surprised when Amber turns to me, iPod in her hand but pods still in her pockets, and says, "Okay. Spill mom. What's really going on."
imarcy: (Spring Yellow Flower)
First, I just want to THANK everyone who has ever served, is serving or who has lost their life to allow us the freedoms we take for granted. I am so thankful for all the sacrifices, and wish I could do more than to donate to veterans :/



Technically I don't get three-day weekends anymore since I'm not 'working' working. I do watch my niece most days, and soon it'll be the lil guy, but I don't get paid LOL. BUT It was a three day weekend for the bro and sis-in-law, so we didn't have her today.

A kind of friend of mine (long story) threw a BBQ on Saturday, but I just had zero desire to get dressed, and put on fake smiles, and deal with people. I've been pretty emotional last few days, thinking about dad and all stuff we used to do during the long weekend. I just didn't want to be around mostly strangers. 

I stayed home and binged Heartland, and played Elder Scrolls Online most of the night. I let my Warcraft sub lapse since I didn't want to spend more than 150k gold on a token for a sub LOL. I DID win $20 on a stream on Friday, but they haven't sent it to me yet, so no Warcraft for me at the moment.

I don't know when it's appropriate to reach out to them about not getting the $20. I figured I wouldn't bother anyone this weakened since it was a long holiday one, but is tomorrow too soon? I know some streamers can take some time, but this guy's team seems to usually be on top of stuff, so I'm just surprised. Maybe I'll wait the week and see what happens.

Yesterday was a chill day with mom. We hung out in the backyard until it became too humid. Then we had dinner together and it was really nice. I spend so much time with mom these days, and I'm thankful for that. She's not getting any younger, and one of my constant worries is her passing. I'm so not ready for that, especially so soon after dad. :/ I really hate thinking about this. 

Today was disgusting weather wise, and I'm really hoping this heat/humidity doesn't stick around, so we were each in our AC'd rooms most of the day lol. I played a lot more Elder Scrolls, and then mom came to hung out for the last three hours, where we watched Price is Right reruns, LOL. It's super vintage era, I'm guessing the first half we watched were definitely the 70's! It's so crazy to see how items used to look (cars especially). We've come such a long way, and yet in other areas we haven't moved at all.

In positive news, I've been writing! Nothing super good, though a friend of mine said she liked what I wrote on Friday. It had action, so I'm thinking that's why (:  Action is always good in my book too. It still wasn't that well written. I am enjoying that I'm actually writing, but I'm not liking that they're not so great.  I have written some things that have really made me feel like I could be a published author, but then the latest stuff has been so MEH ... ugh. I need a super jolt to the brain! Get the real creative stuff flowing. Hopefully soon. 

Hope that if you had the weekend off, it was a great three days, whatever it is was ya'll did. <3


imarcy: (Default)
My thirty minutes for today. It’s rough (as in poorly written), but I’m feeling a bit emotional today, so forgive me! A reminder that I just write, no editing or reading back over it. I just type it into here and hit POST.




The loud boom of fireworks is followed by an explosion of light in arrays of all colors–bright reds, yellows, greens and blues. Cheers rise up all around me, and a few clap. Little children sit atop their father’s broad shoulders for a better view, and mom’s tug their boys closer to their hips so they don’t get lost in the crowds.

My gaze travels over all the faces gathered. Young and old, all shapes and colors, and all gathered to celebrate the nation’s war heroes. Those who’ve long passed and those who still serve today.

A lump catches in my throat, thoughts of my father coming to mind as another explosion vibrates the night air, and the entire crowd is illuminated in a rainbow of color.

Clearing my throat, I turn to leave, when mom’s hand comes to rest atop my shoulder. She leans down so I can hear her over the crowd’s noise. “You okay hun?”

I give her a tight-lipped smile and nod. “I just need some air, it’s so crowded.”

She nods and cranes her head in the general direction of the car. “How about we meet back up at the car? In twenty minutes?”

I eye the watch on my wrist. “Twenty minutes,” I yell over another boom of fireworks.

I slip away, weaving through the crowd until it’s thinned out enough to actually stretch out my arms. My feet carry me toward the frosty stand, and with everyone watching the fireworks, I’m the only person in line.A young man leans against the counter, “What will ya have?”

“Blueberry frosty, please.” A few crumpled up dollars get placed on the makeshift counter, and I turn back toward the crowd, watching how happy everyone is, and wondering if I’ll ever be that happy again.

Thoughts of Dad and us here just last year, cause tears to pool in my eyes and I clear my throat loudly.

“Here you go,” the guy at the stand says as he places the drink down.

I pick it up and nod my thanks. Making my way further from the group gathered at the fairway, I move toward the handful of trees off the clearing, and lean against a tree as they rocket upward a bunch more fireworks for the grand finale.

Leaning there my thoughts go back to dad. I remember the way his head would tip back and slightly to the left in laughter as mom would always get ice cream on her shirt, line’s of laughter crinkling around his gray eyes. Or the mischievous look he’d get when we’d ride the horses, as he would always try to spook mom’s horse into taking off, just to get her to squeal in laughter.

Brushing away a tear, I eye the time on the watch. Another five minutes, but I might as well head to the car. Pushing away from the tree, I make my way to the path that leads to the main parking lot. It isn’t that well lit, but with a bunch of people roaming around the area, I’m not exactly scared.

The further I get from the loud talking and laughter, the only sound I can hear are my footsteps on the gravel. A snapped twig to the right startles me enough to pull my phone out. Turning on the flash light, I beam it into the trees lining the path. Nothing immediately peeps out at me, and I figure it was just a little critter.

Releasing the breath I hadn’t released I was holding, I keep the flashlight on, illuminating my path. I can see the first row of cars just up ahead and am about to step into the lamp light when an arm wraps around my hips and tugs me into the brush on the right. I let out a scream that is quickly covered up by a hand.

Pressed up against a tree trunk, I squirm, trying to kick my assailant, but all I get is laughter. I’m spun around a few second later, and am ready to punch whoever it is that has grabbed me, when I notice it’s my ex-boyfriend, Travis.

I slap his chest hard, and screech into his face, “You asshole! That scared the crap out of me.”

He leans in and whispers into my ear, “You loved it, Kat.”

I lean forward, making to whisper in his, and instead do a Mike Tyson on his ass and bite his ear. He howls in pain and immediately releases me. “What the hell, Kat!”

“That was not funny!” I take a few steps back, toward the path and am glad a few from the fairgrounds are making their way toward the parking lot now.

He’s holding onto his ear, anger written all over his face. “I just wanted to surprise you. I thought we were going to meet up tonight,” he growls out.

“That was three hours ago, and your ass never showed up. Let me guess, Lisa?” I can’t hide the jealousy, the memory of me catching him making out with Lisa Stillwater still raw. I clear my throat, emotional enough with thoughts of dad, I so do not need this.

He doesn’t deny it and instead pulls his hand away from his ear. I note the blood with satisfaction and step back onto the path, pointing a finger at him then myself. “You and me? We’re over.”

I twirl on my heel and speed walk to the parking lot without actually running, hearing him mutter, “Whatever.”

By the time I get to mom’s car, she’s leaning against it, phone to her ear about to call me. “There you are.” She says relieved, and then notices my facial expression and asks, “Is everything okay?”

I just nod my head and jump into the car, pulling the seatbelt quickly into place as she gets in. “You sure, hun?” Key is in the ignition but she doesn’t start up the car.

“Yeah. Can we just go home?” I stare out the window, not wanting to get all emotional in front of her. It’s bad enough I miss dad like crazy during these kind of outings, but to be harassed by a douche-bag ex, is just puke tasting frosting on top of a dumpster cake.

I never should have agreed to meet up with him tonight, but I’d been feeling lonely, and stupid. Never again.

The car starts up, and mom reaches over to squeeze my arm, not saying anything as she realizes I just need the silence with my thoughts.

Spring

May. 27th, 2022 09:46 pm
imarcy: (Q-EnjoyingtheDay)
Today was such a lovely day. I really do wish our summers were always like this... breezy, warm and the occasional cloud so the sun isn't scorching the skin. I'm just happy we finally had a spring. The last few years it's gone from cold winter to scorching summer with humidity within a week. This year has been super nice.

We had the niece today. I love when we have her because she fills our days with so much humor (the stuff that comes out of her mouth) LOL, and the creativity with her role playing really brings a huge smile to my face. I'm happy to see the creativity continuing in someone around here!

We spent some time outside, but she really wanted to play with the mini kitchen she brought and making food for her 'baby brother' which was her luvee in this scenario. <3 She actually napped today (she fights them often lol), and then we spent the last hour playing a game she likes on the tablet. It amazes me how actually amazing she is at some video games. She actually uses the PS5 controller at home like a freakin' pro (and has since she was 2). I still struggle with those damn things! LOL

After bro picked her up (she was so cute, she was asking me if I wanted to come over lol), I watched a handful of episodes of Heartland. I'm addicted to the show again, lol. Glad there's 15 seasons and I'm only on season 8.

Speaking of television, I FINALLY saw the final season of Lucifer the other night. First, I am just SO happy that Netflix picked the show up after it was cancelled on it's original channel. This show was AMAZING and the fact their original broadcasting channel couldn't see it was their loss, and good on Netflix. I swear they keep the shittiest shows on television now, and actual good stuff gets cancelled all the time.

ANYWAY. My point is... I was sad with the way the show ended.  I honestly think Lucifer and her deserved a better ending. I liked a lot of the episodes IN the final season, and I think they did a really great job overall. I just feel like the very last scene/episode could have been so much better and gone a totally different way. After everything, I feel like it was well deserved, but what can I do? Nada. Overall, I loved the show and am so happy it got the run it deserved. I highly recommend it for anyone who hasn't yet seen it. 

I wrote my 30 minutes today, and I have to admit, it felt great. It isn't at all, my best stuff, but I haven't written in so long, that it felt great to WANT to go longer than the 30 minutes to finish a scene. It also felt good just feeling like things were actually flowing and not forced.  THEN, I watched my guildie buds play Phasmo. One of them streamed it on Twitch and it was funny to watch them. The game only allows 4 folks to play and since one of the guys rarely plays I didn't want to take anyone spot. Plus, sometimes it's more fun to watch LOL. 

Now I'm playing a little Surviving Mars just to unwind but I'm feeling rather tired so I'm sure I'll hit the hay soon. I hope that if ya come across this entry, you had a wonderful day/evening/night...wherever you are! 


imarcy: (writing typewriter)
My thirty minutes for the day! Again, no editing (this one went 15 minutes over because I didn’t want to just end the scene weirdly LOL). This is all just free-flowing and off the top of my head.




Perched high above on the cliff’s edge, the shadowed figure watches the group of men below. A northerly wind moves in, blowing tiny particles of sand back and forth all around them, but it doesn’t obscure their vision.

The sound of boxes being shuffled off a truck and into a large tent in the middle of the desert below can be heard for miles, but out here, there’s nothing but the stars, the sand and the shadows. Hushed voices barely reach the figure above, but they don’t need to hear to know what’s going on.

As with a lot of things in the world, a handful of people assume that everything belongs to them, when in truth, most things don’t belong to anyone, like the artifacts being unloaded below. They will be reviewed, marked for the highest bidder, and resold on the black market to folks who want a taste of Egyptian history, but have zero respect for the heritage.

Anger spurs the figure into motion. Remaining crouched, they make their way down the incline on the left, their footsteps sure, making barely a sound. Covered in head to toe black, they blend in with the shadows of the night easily, and soon, they’re within a few feet of the makeshift thieves camp.

The voices are louder now, men calling out obscure dollar amounts, while others re-box items with new labels.

Tugging the face covering down, a sharp inhale is lost in the hustle of the movement inside. A smaller, more slender, kukri blade is slipped from the sheath at the thigh, the swoosh of metal on leather a whisper on the wind.

Ducking in the back flap, the figure is a blur of motion, as if invisible to the naked eye, they sweep the first aisle in seconds, dispatching thieves as they go. Without a sound, most of the storage area is cleared in minutes, leaving only the central hub with five or six.

Crouched against a shelving unite loaded with boxes, they’re about to move in when a shout rings out from behind. “Hey! You!”

Before everyone can get riled up, the shadowed figure rushes the yeller, knee knocking into the man’s chest and cutting off their air. The body tips back, landing loudly against another fully stocked shelf, creating a loud ruckus. Cursing, the figure drives the blade up the ribs, directly into their heart, silencing them forever.

It’s too late. Heavy footfalls can be heard approaching. Cursing again, they twirl around the shelving, and slip behind it. Two figures skid to a halt near the body. “Call him. We have a problem,” one of them mutters.

The one giving orders rises and moves further toward the back. They quickly check around the corner, but the shadow is already in motion, their right arm throwing a smaller dagger, the aim perfect and piercing the man in neck. Blood spurts everywhere, but that doesn’t slow them down.

The duck low, just as the other guy comes barreling around the corner, having seen his buddy go down.

“What the hell…” They start but don’t get anything else out. A fist has connected with their neck, cutting off oxygen.

A foot connects with the man’s knee with enough force for the sound of bone breaking echoing in the space around them. A scream gets gurgled, and another dagger is shoved into the top of this one’s head.

Four left.

“Don’t split up, you fucking idiots,” the only smart one of the bunch yells. “Everyone to the center. Now!”

Footfalls in sand can be heard, as the figure dances between the shelves to get a better look. Quickly and quietly climbing one of the shelves, the situation is observed from their new advantage point.

Biting their lip, they grab another dagger from the sheaths of their pants, but instead of flinging it at any of the remaining men, it’s tossed across the way.

As expected, they all turn to face the noise, two holding a gun, and two brandishing relics that could do some serious damage.

Jumping down on the nearest asshole, legs wrap around their neck, snapping as they fall to the ground and twist away, avoiding two bullets to the head hiding behind boxes.

“It’s a fucking girl…” the astonishment makes her smile broaden, as she rolls away from the box, barely avoiding another bullet to the arm. The ricochet breaks off a piece of wood, which imbeds into her arm, but it doesn’t slow her down.

As they move cautiously toward her, she pokes her head up like a jacket rabbit and right back down. Once they stop firing, she jumps up again and flings another blade, this one hitting one of the men in the eye. He falls like a sack of potatoes, and the last two duck, cursing up a storm and yelling at each other for missing.

While they’re distract, she rolls away from her nook and crawls quietly beneath a nearby table.

“Stop being a fucking pussy and get her,” one growls.

The other barks a laugh, “You go be the bait, and I’ll take care of it.”

Using their distraction as an advantage, she flips the table over, a few of the artifacts crashing into the sand, and waits for them to let loose the last of their bullets before she vaults over the table and rushes them while they reload.

Right leg snaps out and connects with big and burley’s jaw, dazing him enough to make him stumble to one knee.

The other rushes her, taking her to the ground, but she grabs a handful of sand and tosses it into his face. A hiss followed by a gurgle as another hidden blade is jabbed upward into the man’s skull.

The dead weight is heavy, but she can count on anger to motivate any man who’s getting his ass beat by a girl to come to her rescue. Sure enough, a second later the body is rolled off of her and a gun is pointed at her head, fully loaded and cocked.

“You picked the wrong operation, little girl,” He smirks, blood dripping down his chin, pressing the trigger.

A shot rings out, and suddenly there’s just deafening silence.

A millisecond later, another body lands on her, blood covering her entire face.

Groaning, she calls out, “You took your sweet time on that one…”

A moment later, the body is removed from atop her, and another figure, dressed in all black stares down at her.

“I was just giving you a chance to show me your skills,” they tease, offering a hand.

She clasps his hand, and groans, waving her arms around the tent. “Uh, hello?! Fifteen to one!”

He laughs, and shrugs, pulling a phone from a hidden pocket. “Hey. Yeah. It’s all clear. Call it in to the authorities. Yep. We’ll be gone in five.”

He hangs up and cranes his head toward the front flap. “Let’s get going before the cops show up.”

A quick glance around the room at all of the antiquities they just saved from disappearing from their country sends a jolt of pride through her.

“Let’s go. I really need a burger.” She grins as she pushes him ahead of her.
imarcy: (typewriter)
Here's a little something I wrote in thirty minutes. It's an exercise I'm trying to do once a day or once every couple of days to get my creative juices flowing again. Probably won't be that great, but sometimes might be good enough for me to throw into a book chapter. Maybe.

I do not edit these at all, so please ignore any grammar/spelling mistakes you will most likely find in these. It's just to get the fingers and mind moving.




The darkened sky exploded with color. Shades of flaming red, bright orange and a hint of electric blue.

The explosion could be seen for miles, and that was the whole point. Josh kept to the shadows as people came out of their apartments onto fire escapes, pointing and exclaiming. He listened as sirens fired up and shot their way toward the fire that now raged a mile high.

His fingers tingled with anticipation as half the town's police force headed in one direction, and he in the other.

The night's cool air kept him calm, the breeze blowing through the hair poking free of the black cap on his head. He knew what he was about to do was dangerous, but he had to try. He owed it to her.

A few blocks down, he can't hear the sirens anymore and all seems quiet. Still, not wanting to attract attention, he keeps his steps to power walk, instead of a flat out run.

Finally, roughly ten minutes after the explosion he purposefully caused, he nears his target location--the Lowell Precinct. Normally a small town with only five cops on active duty, it should hopefully be empty except for the receptionist.

He approaches the building from behind, and having taken out the camera a few days ago with bird crap in a paintball gun, he's happy when he notices it's still uncleaned. Kneeling at the back door, he slips the black bag from his bag and pulls out a crowbar.

Gently slipping the prongs near the doorknob, he kicks into the slot, forcing the metal to crack. Holding his breath he waits to see if anyone heard the noise, and when nothing happens, he begins to twist the crowbar until the jam breaks and the door pops free.

That all takes less than a minute, and he's inside the building in seconds. The lights flicker on in the hall, having sensed his motion and he freezes, listening for running footsteps.

After a minute of hearing his heavy breathing, he moves down the hall and searches for the cells. Since it's a small precinct, it doesn't take long. Down another corridor, are three cells. Two are occupied. One, clearly by some drunk, but the other a lone girl, no more than eighteen.

Long black hair covers her face, as she leans forward, elbows on her knees, hands tightly clasped.

He tiptoes toward her, but gently calls her name as not to startle her, "Lizbeth?"

Her head still jerks upward, and she lets out a slight gasp, but immediately her lips form a firm line. She's not too happy to see him.

Her tone proves it. "What the hell are you doing here?" She whispers with a mixture of anger and dismay.

"I couldn't let you get in trouble for my mistake," Josh admits, feeling as if he maybe shouldn't have bothered, she's so angry.

"Great. Now they'll add escaping jail to the charges. Just..." she lets out a long sigh and looks away, "Go."

He's torn. He's committed quite a few crimes to get her out of here, and now she's giving a hard time. "It took a lot to come here. They won't find you, I promise..." his tone convincing.

She scoffs. "Promise. Like I haven't heard that from you before. Look where it's gotten me!" She half yells, waving her hand around the cell.

"Shhh, keep it down," he whispers a bit panicked.

"Keep it down?! How about you actually man up and turn yourself in. That would get me out of here without adding to the charges." She stares him in the eye, daring him.

She's not lying. If he did turn himself in for the robbery, she'd be free to go, but could he swap places. He was on his last strike, and this would mean real jail time.

She must see the torn expression on his face because she laughs without amusement. "Just fucking go already," she yells this time.

Josh hears a chair scrape against linoleum and straightens, shooting daggers at her. "I ... I tried, okay?"

She keeps her fierce gaze on him, even as he backs away from the cell, hearing those steps approaching from the other direction. He curses but doesn't dally, and shoots off toward the way he came, knowing he was making the biggest mistake of his life.

imarcy: (Summer-Rain)
Today Mom and I went to watch the wee one for a few hours while my sis-in-law took Niece to get her eyes checked. Looks like she does have a stigmatism, but it's not big enough to really do anything about or worry about at the moment. She will eventually need glasses though. It seems to run in the family/be genetic, since we all wear glasses, except, my brother Nelson (her dad) lol. But many in my sis-in-law's family wears them and same with ours.

He is growing so fast! I can't believe how big he's already gotten since the last time we saw him (a week ago). I mean, he's still tiny, but he's so different from two months ago when he came home (and my brain can't math! I thought he was turning 4 months on June 10 but he's turning 3 months). Did manage to get a decent photo of him today, smiling (at the end). I love his smile! He is already trying to chit chat with us. Every time I change his diaper, he babbles like crazy and it's the most adorable thing ever <3

In other quick thoughts ... Dad's been on the brain a lot lately. In two weeks exactly it'll be SIX years since he's passed. While the grief isn't as overwhelming as when we lost him, there are still days where it's tough. There are days where I can still cry for a couple of hours, just missing him and thinking of all the good times we had, wishing we'd had longer. As we near the date of his passing, it's always harder to control the emotions.

During this time of year, I tend to pull into myself and kind of shut folks out. Thankfully, a lot of the folks I know, and who know me, are aware of all this and don't give me a hard time about not being around. I'm thankful for that. I just process stuff so much easier in my own little bubble. Of course, it sucks just a tad because last week I started streaming on Twitch again, and now I have zero desire to do it with my emotions all riled up.

Anywho...before I super depress myself, I'm gonna go. We have niece tomorrow all day, so I'm gonna go relax watching some television (Heartland--my latest obsession). I probably won't write 30 minutes tonight as I'm feeling really 'eh' right now...BUT if I'm still awake later, I'll definitely do it.


(The owl next to him I actually got for Amalia when she was born, and she actually lets him use it. She's learning to share! <3)
Untitled


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imarcy: (Summer-Bike)
So I told myself, as I waited for a pick-up call last night, that I'd put aside at least 30 minutes a day to just write. Anything that comes to mind. I just need to get my creativity rejuvenated, and hoping this works. I know some stuff will be craptastic, but I need to just be writing. 




"Elijah!" Beth screeches from downstairs. 

Elijah jolts in bed, his hand smacking the nightstand. A hiss of pain as his vision comes into focus. "What?!" He manages to grouse out, throat dry from oversleeping. 

"School starts in TEN minutes and you're still in bed! Don't you have a final today?" Beth's tone is a bit softer, but still unforgiving. 

Elijah's burry vision catches the clock and he curses to himself, not needing another earful from Beth. His legs swing over the bed and feet thump the hardwood. He's quick after that, throwing on what seems to be a clean tee and a pair of jeans from off the floor. 

Snatching his backpack off the chair at his desk he slides into the hall and rushes down the stairs into the entryway of the small cape he shares with his sister. 

Beth has her hands on her hips and that disapproval expression all over her face. 

"What?" He demands again, not needing this crap from his sister. "It's not like I set out to oversleep," he grinds out. 

Her expression loosens up a bit and she nods. "I know... it's just," she glances at the photo on the wall. The 'family' photo hangs in the entrance of their home. Everyone's expression truly content. Dad's arm around mom as he kisses her temple, kid brother jabbing his big sister's ribs as she tries to give him a noogie. 

A lump rises to Beth's throat, and she clears it. "Becoming a lawyer like dad has always been your dream and I just, I don't want you to lose out on the chance." 

Elijah closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, knowing his sister only wants the best for him. Opening them slowly he nods, and forces a smile for her. "Hey... I am sorry I snapped too. I appreciate the wake up call." He leans forward and tugs her into a hug. "Thanks, big sis..." 

Beth returns the hug, feeling choked up. As her brother pulls away and walks out the front door, she leans against the jam and tries to calm her overwhelming emotions.




imarcy: (Summer-Rain)
So I mixed up the days this week. We watch the little one tomorrow for a few hours. Today, Amalia is with us! We've had some good times this morning drawing, and we just finished watching Encanto (for the 30th time! I still really enjoy the film so I don't mind), and soon it is going to be her nap time. Later in the afternoon we'll run around out back since it's a gorgeous day today (not too hot, a slight breeze--perfect). 

Yesterday I wrote that I don't really have anything to be stressed about except illness and folks I love getting hurt. Well, that was kind of a fib but not on purpose. My uncle (Gdomother's husband), has been having some health issues (prostate), and for a few months now he's been having to go to the ER due to complications. Whenever he needs to go, they usually ask me to drive them there since he's often in pain, which I don't mind at all. 

Well last night around 7ish PM, they called asking if I could drive them to the ER. He was just there like two weeks ago and I feel so bad because they can't seem to figure out WHY what is happening keeps happening, and everyone's super frustrated. I also know they're stressed out with worry about insurance and coverage, and scared that if they keep going to the ER the insurance will consider him too much a risk and drop them. It really sucks living in America (a lot more these days). 

I dropped them off about 7:30, and then my aunt called around 10 PM saying they hadn't given him a room yet, and for me to just go to sleep and they'll take a taxi home whenever they're released. I told her, "No way! I don't care what time it is, you call me and I'll come get you guys." I just don't trust the world we live in anymore man. 

Around 12:30 AM they called for the pick up, and the hospital isn't in the best neighborhood, so I have to admit I was a little scared driving into that part of the town. Every time a car would pull up alongside of me I honestly held my breath. I hate that I felt that way and that it feels like nowhere is safe these days anymore. 

BUT, I made it there and took them home without incident, and got myself home with no problem. I just feel super frustrated that he seems to be going there every few weeks and they can't figure out why. Sigh

In extremely sad news... my heart goes out to the families who lost children in yesterday's horrific shooting (and the teacher's family as well). As someone who looks at her niece and worries like crazy about her going to school in a few months, my heart can't handle the idea of something ever happening to this precious soul that we call Amalia. She is the best of us, and her innocence is something we all treasure. To have that ripped away... I cannot even begin to fathom that type of pain. That said... I can't even begin to grasp the depths of suffering these parents are currently going through, and the fact that some fucker didn't have the heart or conscious to think that way is a serious problem. What the FUCK is wrong with these people and how the HELL do we stop this shit from constantly happening here in the US!? 

Folks say 'better screening', but do they realize how easy it is for people to 'fake' sanity? Unless you force people to sit in therapy for months before they're allowed to go near a gun and even then, it won't stop assholes from getting guns illegally, or even taking guns from someone who got theirs legally (as with the Sandy Hook shooting here in Connecticut). Assault rifles of ANY type should NEVER be available to the public and why they ever were is mind boggling to me.

There has to be a better way to stop this shit from constantly happening! I'm so sick and tired of the 2nd Amendment cry! I HIGHLY doubt our forefathers wrote that Amendment with the thought in mind that KIDS would getting gunned down on a regular fucking basis. I mean, come the FUCK ON! Ugh. I can't anymore. This is so depressing and upsetting (cried earlier looking at the photos of the children lost). Please... let's stop this madness from happening. When is enough enough?! 


Hello?

May. 24th, 2022 05:22 pm
imarcy: (Summer-Bike)
So ... uh. Yeah. It's been about two years since I've written in this blog. I'm not 100% sure why I am writing now, to be honest. I think a big part has to do with my insane desire to WRITE, and not having a real outlet for it, or not really putting my energy into writing a book, I feel really 'stuck'. 

I remember I used to write here a lot! On Dreamwidth that is, under two or three different names. One was Matopa, another was Matopia, and I had at least two sheepie-type names. There were good years where I'd write every day, because I had a lot to write about, but I don't know how often I'll make use of this space again.

I'd like to say I'll be here every day, but I know myself too well. I go through phases of desire. It's been about a FULL year since I've written anything (was working on a book idea, but in true Marcy fashion, I let that slip too).  

What have I been up to? Well...

1. One major change since I last wrote in this blog is that I'm no longer at my job that I often wrote about, and was at for FIFTEEN years. About a year into COVID, and working from home, I couldn't handle the stress anymore, and the fact that NO ONE did anything except my bff there and I... I decided to hand in my two-week notice in November of 2020. Which, was actually within the same year as my last post here so I am surprised I didn't share the news. I think I was still trying to wind down from the body-shaking stress I was living with at that time.

It would literally keep me up all night, and during the day I could barely focus because my entire body would be trembling. I just couldn't continue to live like that anymore. I knew it was just a matter of time before I had a stroke or worse, heart attack. So I did what was best for my health and quit. I've never been happier with a decision in my entire life as I was then, and since then, I haven't regretted it at all. 

2. The other big change is that shortly after that, since I was home full-time, my bro/sis-in-law asked if I minded taking a few days to watch the niece. At first it was only one or two days a week, but then it quickly became every day of the week when my sis-in-law's mother (their other babysitter) picked up more houses to clean for more income. 

Watching a then 1.5 year old, and then 2 year old to a NOW 3 year old has been one hell of a trip! She is a LOT of work, but it is all worth it. It's been great to also be there for so many of her big milestones, and just being such a big part of her life has been an amazing journey and life altering experience. I swear, stuff really does work out for strange reasons sometimes. Often you think a door is closing, but one does eventually open up that enhances life. 

3. We welcomed a NEW bundle of JOY in March of this year! My niece now has a little BROTHER! He is the sweetest, best little baby ever. I'm actually watching him tomorrow for a few hours while my sis-in-law takes the niece to the eye doctor (she apparently has a stigmatism, so they want to see how bad it is, etc.).  I'll snap a couple of photos of him <3

He actually will be FOUR months on the 10th of June. WHERE does time go? Geez. I don't watch him YET full time, but I do still watch the niece 2-3 days a week to give my sis-in-law (who is on maternity leave atm), a couple of days of quality time with the little guy since my niece has become extra clingy since he's come into her life LOL. It's all normal, I know! Plus, sis-in-law needs some sanity days, cuz we love our kiddos but they can be a LOT <3 

Once the sis-in-law goes back to work though, I'll be watching him a lot more (at least 4 days a week if other gramma is working), so I'm pretty excited for that. I'll also have the niece 2 or 3 days a week--it will depend on how many days they put her in school for. 

4. When I'm not watching the kiddos, I'm often relaxing with video games or books. TV shows also take up chunks of my time, especially at night when I can't sleep Lol. I have no work as an excuse anymore for the sleep problems, but I think they're just set in stone now that I've had them for so many years of my life. 

Top games I'm playing at the moment: back to World of Warcraft, that takes up a chunk of time; Elder Scrolls Online takes up another big chunk; Phasmophobia is a great ghost game that I play with a couple of my Warcraft guildies a few times a week; AND a sprinkle of SIMS 4, Surviving Mars, and I'm looking at this new game Project Zomboid! I'm getting a gift card soon so I think I'll use a lil of that for the Zombie game. It's a survival game that looks like a lot of fun! 

Top Shows I'm watching: Rewatching Criminal Minds with my bff Brandon (two or three times a week we watch 3-5 episodes); FINALLY started watching Outlander to see what the big buzz was about (I kinda see it, but I'm not as hooked as some folks I think LOL); really gotten into Heartland--just a big feel-good type show; started up Shadow and Bone finally and am now waiting to see if it gets more seasons before I fully commit lol (really hope it does because I really enjoy it); Legends of Tomorrow is back in rotation since I'm back to being two seasons behind and it's a good BINGE show; picked up Manifest since there are talks of another season finally coming out and I rather like it; AND I' started Vampire Diaries from scratch since I stopped watching in season 4 about ten years ago and can't remember much of it hahah! 

So yeah. A lot, and in the grand scheme of things, nothing much at all has changed in my life. It's at least not a stress fest these days except when someone gets sick or hurt.. so I may not have anything super exciting to write about, but I'm still hoping to use this space to WRITE something. Even if it's just nothing of 'importance' to anyone else but myself. 

imarcy: (Summer-beach/hammock)
So my plan for this weekend was to read, play games and relax. I did all of those, so not a total waste. My other plan had been to forget about work/people ... that wasn't so successful. Saturday morning L text me to say that the head honcho had written to me to confirm I'd be helping him out while L is on vacation the next two weeks. I had to hop onto work email and confirm that, "sure! I'd be happy to..."  I get it though, it IS two whole weeks and he's got a lot going on so it makes sense. But it could have waited until tomorrow? Oii.

But yeah, I actually read this weekend! Almost the entire book (have about 50 pages left of the 342 pages). It's a series I enjoy, so that is probably why. Hopefully, I'll finish it tonight if I don't fall asleep in the next hour.

I also played a lot of video games. Mostly Dawn of Man yesterday and today Surviving Mars and SIMS 4. I decided to go looking for a reference to try to make in the game, and I found this image:


Here is what I attempted and am pretty happy with how it came out. I had to use some of my own creativity for certain pieces (like the garage doors since SIMS 4 does not have cars or garages--real bummer btw)... and the pink on the awnings is quite dark in my version mostly because the game didn't have a much lighter option for the pink stripes--and I don't like using custom content so I never download it.  Considering all of that ... I'm pretty happy with how it came out!


 
So yeah, pretty much the weekend I set out for. The only bummer is that I was hoping Amalia would come over today. I ordered her a chair for when she's over and doing activities. I hate seeing her on the floor lol. It's a really cute chair and only when it arrived did I realize it matches the little owl I got for her when she was born (which she still loves to this day). So I'm hoping when she FINALLY sees the chair she gets all giddy happy over it.  Here's the chair waiting in our living room for our little munchkin lol.
 

Overall, it was a nice weekend. I just really wish this awful humidity would GO AWAY. My asthma has been on the fritz because of it, and it makes me not want to live my AC'd bedroom which really sucks when you have a 3-day weekend. REALLY hope this crap clears up this coming week so I can enjoy the weekend coming up. Hope you all had a lovely weekend!
imarcy: (Summer-beach/hammock)

Work

This morning I had a meeting with our two HR folks, one being my bff (she’s like my sister from another mother). So I got some great news, and some not so great but will be alright news.


Okay-not-so-great-news: Starting July 1st I’ll be helping out the ‘upper management’ team (five people). My primary position will still be supporting the Dean and its Office, plus the admissions Director like I’ve always been doing, but they’re adding 3 more people to the list of people I will support. Some times of the year, a few will get more time from me (as they have bigger projects at those times, etc.).  So yes...even more work. During the summer, when it’s quiet, it’ll be welcomed because I hate the monotony of what has been ‘normal’ for my summer work ...but I have a feeling things will get really crazy at certain times of the year, so… Yay! /sarcasm lol


The-great-news: My new direct supervisor will be my bff (mentioned above). We are literal twins in everything emotional, personality, and work-wise, so I think we’ll get on famously. She knows I work hard, and she also understands the ‘annoying’ folks at the job who (because they do not do their end on time), hold me back from completing tasks until the last minute. 


So this news actually has me not wanting to rush off and quit my job. Reporting to her (she has an empathic heart, is understanding, is laid back and we’ve been working together on MANY projects over the last 14+ years so I know we can work well together), will be a breath of fresh air and I can avoid ‘douche-mcdouchey’. 


So since I am feeling more confident that I’ll be staying, my ‘spending hold’ has been lifted BUT I am going to be more frugal for sure. I've kept most of what I canceled, canceled. I'm also going to be closing out a few accounts I NEVER use (like Hulu), etc. So yeah... not too bad.

Today was pretty busy with all my usual Wednesday meetings, but had an additional two, so the day flew, which is always a plus.

Gaming
Been leveling a gnome rogue in Wold of Warcraft (my inscriptionist)--for my completionist of achievements where professions are concerned in the game. I swear, I only play this game now for completing achieves lol. She's a pretty cute gnome (low level gear--she was only level 20 when I took the SS's)...but then again, all gnomes are pretty adorbs.


Sleep
My sleep schedule is so damn fucked up these days (as evidenced by my writing/posting this around 2:30am). Once work is done around 5pm, I can usually stay awake for another hour, two max, but then I have to sleep (I just can't keep my eyes open anymore). So I usually sleep until 10:30-11PM ... which then keeps me up until around 3am...and back up every morning at 8:45am-- rinse and repeat. It's driving me a little bonkers because NO ONE is up at this hour and it feels very lonely (and considering I'm an introvert, that's a very odd thing for me to say). It's this damn quarantine messing with my ...everything. Emotions, mental and physical state. Sigh.

Reading/Writing
My reading goal for this year was 100 books. That does not look like it will be happening. I've read almost 40 (still 12ish books behind schedule). One would think this quarantine life would make me read a lot more, but I've had zilch desire to stick to my hobbies (other than binging Netflix shows). I've also drafted about 6 book ideas. Have I written any or even plotted any of them out? Nope. Sounds on par for me though... I start a LOT of shit, but never follow-through to the end. It's a habit of mine I really hate but have no clue how to improve upon. Sometimes age does not mean wisdom in some areas of life (like my creative side).

Netflix Shows
Speaking of Netflix. Finally saw Witcher. AWESOME show. I really wish it wouldn't take them 40893748937439874 years to make another season and these 10 episode seasons are driving me up a damn wall. Whatever happened to 21-23 episode seasons?! I miss those damn days.

Finally finished watching all of Voyager. I started that years ago but stopped around season 5ish. Finally I finished that a few weeks ago. Other than season 1 (which wasn't so great but not 100% awful), the show was pretty fun and I miss having a good Trek show. I do have to eventually pick up Picard and see how that one is (I love him, but doesn't mean the show is good...).

Watched the FINAL season (again) of Fuller House. I didn't think I'd enjoy that show (and while it is super cheesy on every level, it brought me back to a more innocent time in my life--like when the original show was on) ... I thoroughly enjoyed this revamp and am sad to see it end. I think if these shows had 20ish episodes, it wouldn't be so hard to 'let go', but at 10 episodes a season, it really feels like it's only been 2.5 seasons instead of 5. But yeah ... It was cute and quirky and definitely super cheesy but I loved it (if you don't like cheesy, I do not recommend).

Cold Case Files had me binging that whole thing in a SINGLE night. I don't know what it is about cold cases that just draw me in. These were all solved (many years later), and my mind cannot comprehend how someone can commit a murder, and get away with it for 25+ years, and live their life like they didn't rip away someone else's? I get that these people are just incapable of feeling any remorse, I do get that... but I still 'DONT GET IT'. And the whole sense of "oh, you finally caught up to me" nonchalance once they're finally caught is just mind-boggling. I guess that's my obsession with these types of shows (I used to watch unsolved mysteries a LOT when I was younger). I think a part of me has always wanted to be one of these detectives, but I dunno if I could live knowing someone got away with murder and I couldn't solve it--that would haunt me. Though in two of the episodes, I figured out who the killer was before they 'released' it at the end of the episode... just saying!

That said, it's probably why I rather enjoy the show called YOU. This guy is so fucked up ... and I can't help but love watching him/this show. What does that say about me, I wonder? Psychologists, don't answer that! It's a great show if you're into psychological--dark--stalker--thrillery type shows.

Watched/caught up on Legacies -- a CW show that I've become obsessed with so I really hope it doesn't get canceled. Ties into two other shows I was really into (Vampire Diaries and Originals and it is SO awesome to see Alaric again. He was my FAVE character and was so upset when he was killed off in VD).

Started watching The Order and so far I've enjoyed it. It's right up my genre so here's hoping it sticks around too--though Netflix is starting to become like SyFy so I just can't trust them when it comes to shows. Like Lucifer was their top running show for MONTHS and they're still going to cancel it after this (thankfully slightly longer) season 5. If a show is your TOP show running for MONTHS (and still in the top 10 after that) ... why on earth would you cancel it?! So yeah. I really need to give their own series' a chance to get at least 3 seasons before I start it.

Spenser Confidential - Movie that was way better than I thought it would be. Mark Wahlberg does a really good job of humor in this film and action. He needs to just stay away from the drama movies lol... he's not so great at the teary-eyed dad stuff. But this? This was pretty great and I highly recommend it.

Grace and Frankie. Watch this show. It's freaking hilarious, cute and just goes to show that age doesn't matter for shit. These two lead women are just amazing in their roles and I love this damn show.

Blacklist - FINALLY finished the latest season. I fucking love this show! Red is my favorite man to love/hate. Usually, shows have one or two people that I just cannot stand but the rest of the cast makes up for it. This show? nope. I love EVERYONE in this show. They did great with this cast.


Shows I want to check out:
I'd like to finally finish Once Upon a Time. I was really into the show when it originally came out, but then kind of stopped watching around season 3. I'd like to start it back up and hopefully, finish it.

The Umbrella Academy. Another show I wonder if Netflix will keep running. I rather enjoyed the first couple of episodes I've seen so far.

Finish V Wars. I like Ian Somerhalder and the show has a very interesting premise/version of vampires, but I have a bad feeling Netflix is not going to renew it.

I've heard mixed reviews on this Space Force show, but I like Steve Carrell so I want to give it a try.

Outlander is up on Netflix and kind of what to see what the big deal is about this show, so it's on my list too.

And I'm sure a lot more will get added to the list once I have more time to browse through after these are done.

Yeah... too much television -- gonna rot my brain, I know.

Anywhooooo... I probably should get a little more sleep (if I can), since Amalia will be here in less than 5 hours and while I'll be working, I'll also be helping mom watch her and she a ball of energy that is hard to keep up with when I've had a good nights sleep so I'm totally screwed tomorrow lol.

Life Update

Jun. 9th, 2020 04:32 pm
imarcy: (Default)
I haven't really written in a couple of months. One would think, that working from home, I'd have plenty of time to set aside and scribble some entries but that has clearly not been the case.  So yeah ... we were officially sent to 'work from home' back in late March/early April (truthfully, it feels like it was 100 years ago, so I can't remember exact months). It happened shortly before the first death in Connecticut of COVID-19. Which by the way, is just scary as fuck and I don't really like to think about it and enjoy living in my little bubble called home.

Work
That said ... The first month of working from home was absolutely awful. I always thought I would be that person that LOVED working from home (and I do now so going back is going to suck ass) ... but that first month was really rough. I think it was mostly due to them constantly throwing more and more things on my plate when I already had a billion and one things to do and doing them remotely had a harder twist that took some getting used to. That, and I think because we were 'home' they probably thought people were going to slack off and not work (hence why we also track each hour in the day and what we worked on now--yeah fun times). If you cannot trust your employees, maybe it's time to get new employees, not bury them under 'busy' work so not a single minute a day is wasted on a break. I swear to you, I worked harder that first month at home than a couple of months put together this past year.

Anyway, by that second month, I was in a flow and things were slowly becoming more easily accomplished at home. They loosened the knot a little around our necks and I guess FINALLY began to trust that hey... we really ARE working even from the comfort of our homes.  May was a hot mess again because we decided to do a virtual graduation (which was fine because it's nice to celebrate the accomplishments of those who have worked really hard the last 2-3 years to complete their degrees) ... but since they laid off the chick who usually runs graduation, I got roped in to do a LOT more with two other people... so it was a hell month for the three of us (plus still sticking to our daily duties/projects that came up, etc). yeah... May sucked.

Thankfully, these past 2ish weeks things have calmed WAY down, so I can work on some smaller projects that weren't a 'needs to get done now' type of thing (type of minutes, clean up duplicates upon duplicates of eFiles, etc).

We're having a meeting next week and they'll be discussing a 'phased return to work' plan. Since I'm high risk, I'll probably be one of the last people heading back into work. Personally, I think they should hold off another week or two ... with all that is going on in the world and quarantine rules being broken all over the world (and for good reason--Black Lives DO fucking Matter!) ...I have a feeling there's going to be a resurgence of COVID and that's just really awful ... because more people are going to die and that's never a 'good' or 'positive' thing ... ever. It's just an awful mess that the world is in right now man ... but I can't get into a political/social rant right now because this post would be 400000000 pages long.

Leaving The Job?
That all said ... I've been contemplating leaving this job. I've been working here a LONG ASS TIME ... (14+ years), and I have loved what I do and the people (yes, I've had my fair share of drama, issues with folks, and stress/anxiety/anger at situations...but what job is ever free of that?). Lately though, with upper management changes, and with the new 'head' guy, we've all be under laser point pressure. It just gets to a point where the stress is so bad, you cannot sleep at night, can't think clearly during the day, and lose all general desire to TRY SO HARD already... when it's still 'never enough' in this person's eyes.  So yeah ... I've been working on a resume (first time in freaking 16 years damn) ... and I've been poking around on job sites. With the economy the way it is atm though, this is the worst time for this and so I really feel stuck between a rock and an even bigger/thicker rock.

I have days, where I just want to type up my two-week-notice and shove it into their mailboxes and take a year or two off working ...but then I don't want to deplete my savings. Other days, I tell myself to put on my damn big girl panties and suck it the fuck up because other places will be bad too and probably 100x worse. Lately, the latter has been the theme (but that's because I found out I'm going back to reporting directly to someone I really like--so hoping I'll have very little involvement with the other dood).  That, and this economy right now is legitimate shit. I could take a $10/hr pay cut and go work in customer service if I'm really desperate enough (all that's offered atm) ... or I can plug away and just do the best that I can each and every day, and if some douche still thinks it's not enough, then I'll never please that person and it just shouldn't matter (because I work damn fucking hard).

Family
 Amalia is the most precious, wonderful, beautiful, little trouble-maker in my life. She has made the loss of my dad a little easier to bear ... with her laughs and smiles and omg the girl loves to DANCE. She also loves to climb stuff (the number of times we go up and down the stairs when we watch her is my workout for the month). We have so many photos and videos of her and my phone memory is hating me for keeping 90% of them on it ... Maybe I'll post a couple this weekend especially since I have some pretty funny ones saved.

We're watching her on Thursday which will be a little difficult considering I'm also working and she loves computers, so my mom will have to watch her for a bulk of the time and I'll take little breaks here and there to check-in/watch her.

Mom's eye surgery went well, thankfully. She does say one of her eyes still feels a little off but she can't describe what she means by 'off' so there's that. She does have 20/20 again so that's a plus other than the 'off' ... again not sure what it is.

Both brothers and Trisha have been working from home too, so for the last couple of weeks we've finally been getting together once or twice to hang out. As an introvert, I never thought of myself as someone who would miss social interaction but I really have. I think I'm one of those introverts where its on 'my time' and even after a few weeks of solitude I still desire social interactions... so it's been great. Especially since we didn't see Amalia for three months so at first she was like who are these people but she quickly remembered (by the like 4th visit she didn't JUST want to be in momma's lap).

Gaming
I've been playing a lot more 'solo' games and solo play in Warcraft (ironic considering what I just wrote above). I've been binge playing SIMS4 and building a bunch of stuff and uploading them to the Gallary. If anyone actually plays the game and feels like checking them out, the ID is: iMarSeeYa. You'll clearly note my earlier work versus stuff I've made recently lol.

Also started a new game of Surviving Mars -- there are some expacs out for it, buuuuut... with my job uncertainty in my head I am trying hard not to spend any unnecessary money. If I feel confident enough to stay put, then maybe I'll buy them.

And in Warcraft, I've been taking advantage of the experience buff (100%), and leveling a bunch of toons, especially three for my final three professions for the big meta achieve that I'm still missing. I have a feeling with the crunch coming in Shadowlands, those achievements MAY become legacy in some way, so I'd like to get them done and over with ASAP. This is actually what's kept me busy the last couple of weeks with a smattering of SIMS4. If the Legion expansion professions weren't such a pain in the damn ass to max out (involves quest after quest, dungeons, and in some cases raids for recipes to max out professions--most annoying expansion for professions but awesome for everything else)...I would have been done with this a month or so ago! oiii.

Wrap-up
So yeah ... Pandemic, riots/protests, killer bees, locusts ... I mean you turn on the news and it's just one awful thing after another and to someone like me ... it really feels like the world is building up to a boiling point, and it's just all so very scary that it's really feeling like "The end is nigh..."

I want to just curl into the fetal position, throw the covers over my head, and hope it all calms the hell down soon but that's not very grown-up is it? If my immune system wasn't so damn compromised and eff'd up, I'd be out there in the streets with everyone. I've done what I can from home (donated, sighed petitions, made signs for friends, etc)... I still feel so very helpless and worried that once things 'calm down' NOTHING will actually change and the Black community will continue to suffer on for more and more generations ...and it breaks my heart to be so pessimistic, but humanity has given me no reason (especially these last 4 years), to think otherwise.

I dunno ... it's all just absolutely the worst possible (understatement of the year) 'hot mess' of a year. I pray peace can be achieved, that we can begin to all look to one another as equal HUMANE beings, that we can work together to build a society our future generations can be proud of and build upon ... I hope this is the time for these changes and they actually DO happen... I really do.

Really didn't want to end on a crap note, but considering the world is in the literal shitter ... I guess it's appropriate.
imarcy: (Spring -2)
Four years ago today, we lost our father and my mother lost her soul mate. Not a day goes by, where I do not miss him--some days a lot more than others--but the ache is always there in my heart. It's a wound that I will live with forever, and while time changes the intensity of the ache, it will never disappear. He was a man with few words, but when he spoke, he meant what he said. He was a man with a tough exterior for most of his life, but he had a heart of gold ... a heart of love, compassion, and honesty. A heart that not many were lucky enough to glimpse but those of us who were are now stricken by the loss of that light. As we got older, and perhaps the stress of raising three children lessened to a different degree (we were now adults and responsible --mostly--for ourselves), he began to let go a little of that rigidity and laughed more ... smiled more ... GOD I MISS THAT SMILE! He had a quirky sense of humor (see the image where he's trying to --teasingly--push my mom through the window with the wheelbarrow), but I would never have changed him...ever. He was the perfect father. He taught us right from wrong ... he taught us mistakes had consequences and he taught to is carefully think through life-altering changes that we wished to make (new car, a future home, etc.). While the perfect father, he was not perfect, and neither am I, and he taught me that was OKAY too. We all make mistakes, but it's how we learn from them that shows us who and what we are capable of. My father was (and still is) loved by many and I know that not a day goes by that those who knew him and loved him ... miss him so damn much! And in a cruel world, where cancer destroys beautiful families --loving families--with a twist of fate that forever changes their lives ... I can now (four years later), finally look at photos of my dad and while I do tear up, it's from the happy memories we had and there were so damn many. I love you so much dad... and miss you with all my heart. I pray that you can see us now, and are able to enjoy from where you are, that you have a grandbaby who loves you too! ❤️

(Apologies that's a blob of a paragraph ... I just wrote out my emotions). A 'life update' post incoming with Amalia Videos/pics.

Squirrel!

Mar. 3rd, 2020 10:46 pm
imarcy: (Q-WheeeSheep)

So we had kind of a crazy weekend.

Squirrel!

On Thursday evening my mom was telling me she was hearing a crazy ruckus in our basement roof (we have tiles that cover up the wires, wood beams, etc), and she thinks we have a squirrel in the house. I thought she was just being dramatic and maybe it was a little tremble because there’s a plant up the road that blasts into the rocks there for material for construction and often their blasts shake our home.

So Friday morning, super early, I hear this crash downstairs that wakes me up. I’m wondering what my mom is still doing home as she’s usually gone by that time so I get up. I’m halfway down our stairs when this furry tail flies by me from one of our rooms toward our upstairs dining room (which thankfully we don’t use). The damn thing WAS a squirrel and it was HUGE. Of course, I screamed like a little girl and ran back upstairs to my room where I huffed and puffed as my heart raced.

Holy shit, we have a squirrel in my house … yeah. So I grab my work clothes and slowly come back down and make it to our bathroom without being attacked (he ran off and hid somewhere). Trapped in the bathroom now, I text my brothers like WTF do we do?! LOL Of course, they think logically and said I had to get someone to come get him.

Showered, made a huge ruckus on the bathroom door to warn the damn thing I was coming out and fled my house like it was on fire lol.

At work, researched companies and found one that humanely captures and releases them back into the wild. They said they would come Saturday morning. Of course, Friday night we went to sleep at my brother’s house LOL.

Saturday morning, head back home and the guys came around 9am. They tried to capture him, but since he was back in the basement in the tiles, and scurrying around, it was really hard for them to nab him with their nets, so they put out three traps.

Long story short, the sucker finally fell for the trap on Sunday (we spent weekend at bros). When we got home Sunday evening around 7PM, we could hear him rattling around in the trap downstairs so I text’d the guy. He said he’d pick him up Monday morning.

He let me snap a quick photo because Nelson really wanted to see the little bugger (and I refused to go downstairs on Sunday night to snap one for him—cuz I’m a chicken poo)… but I almost felt bad for the little thing. He was huddled in the corner of the trap, his little paws up to his eyes, shaking like crazy… this look of “I didn’t mean to do it, I swear” on his face… but I am thankful he is gone! He made quite the mess of my mom’s stuff lol and last thing we need are baby squirrel’s (if it happened to be a gal instead of a guy lol).

Our house now smells like disinfectant as mom and I spent alllllllllllll evening/night last night cleaning everything the little bugger could have even ‘possibly’ been around/walked on/touched/etc. Which has basically been every single thing in the basement and main floor… (main floor still has a lot that needs cleaning but it was almost midnight and mom had to work today at 5am soooo yeah). So today we’ll probably finish off the main floor. I’m just so glad it didn’t get up stairs into the bedrooms cuz I always close the doors.

So yeah … that was our excitement this weekend.

Eye Surgery

Tomorrow mom is going to have eye surgery on her right eye for her glaucoma. Then in two weeks, they are going to do her left eye. So she’ll be home for the next month on short-term disability leave. I know they do these types of surgeries all the time, but I’m still nervous. I mean… it’s my mom, so yeah. *Fingers crossed* everything goes smoothly.

It will be nice for her because she’ll be home and able to rest a little too (work has been driving her nuts). I wish she would just retire already, but she keeps saying her retirement isn’t enough to allow her to live …and the sad thing is, it’s true. She’s worked so hard all her life and what she’s supposed to collect is absolutely hilarious in a very sad way … how do they expect people to survive on that shit retirement stipend?! Ugh.

It’s why I’m learning now and putting as much as I possibly can into my savings. No way I am NOT retiring at 62! I’m already ready to retire now, never mind another 30+ years LOL. And it’s not like my mom doesn’t have savings (she does), she’s just stubborn. She COULD retire now, but she would hate it. She’s one of those old school people who need to constantly be busy/moving around – not like me… I could lazy better than most. I can easily find plenty of hobbies to take up my time …but she has very little hobbies.

Still.. I hate to see her working so damn hard and coming home exhausted just for some extra dough to spend … so yeah. I’m hoping she retires soon.

Other Stuff

Otherwise, life is same ole same ole. Work is the same. Friendships are the same. Life is just … a lot of the same. Excitement, I do not live. :P My Amalia is my joy and I love her so much. Brother shared a new video that I literally watch at least 15 times a day… always brings a smile to my face (I’ll post it at the end of this entry).

I am trying very hard not to allow someone’s treatment of me lately to ruin my days, but it is becoming a losing battle. It’s all online, so part of me is like “Just disappear” like I always do, but no! I refuse to let ONE person make me completely toss my life online upside down again, especially when it would affect stuff I’ve worked really hard to build (like my Warcraft account is 22k PLUS achievement points—which is not easy—and my Twitter is almost at 350 followers and from people I really like and enjoy interacting with)… so yeah.

Last time I had a falling out with someone, I completely disappeared and started allllll over and fresh/brand new and I refuse to do that again and let THEM win. They can avoid ME this time, if it is an issue.




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