"She expected the world"

So I've been employed for over a month now, and employed full-time for two weeks now. Over this time my tagging motivation and general time to do so have completely dropped as time passes and it's only gotten worse for me with working full-time. Add to that my increase in volunteering at church as well as my booming social life and I honestly have no time or energy to even think about RPing right now.

Copycat's dead silent and Anna's getting there as well, and I don't want to leave people hanging. With some regret and a heavy heart, I've decided to mostly withdraw from RP until further notice. What will this look like exactly?

BEYOND THE RIFT: Anna will not be coming back before the game closes. She's officially back home in her New York City with her Season 9 Flack and company.

TELEIOS: Anna will be disappearing like the others without warning and hoping that Reid will be okay. This is probably the toughest one for me because I love the CR she has with Reid and Castiel but it's for the best.

THE GAMES: Copycat's death in the arena is permanent so she'll never really get to face Shatterstar in the Capitol or make sure Blaine's okay. Anna is still there, as I'm not ready to let go of this game yet, but I will be on indefinite slowatus until I can get things balanced and figured out.

HEROES & THIEVES: Pretty much on indefinite hiatus already, so doesn't exactly affect anything there.

MUSEBOX/PSL/MEMERY: Non-existent, but if people want things and are okay with my epic slowness, I'd love to do something.

I just really want to say a big huge THANK YOU to everyone for playing with me and giving my babies a chance to shine. I will miss you all a lot at Teleios and hope that if the spark returns I'll join you again soon.

Advocating Creator

( about you )

( how you relate to others )

ANNUAL CHRISTMAS REQUEST POST

It's that time of year again, and I'm in the giving mood for graphics and such, since I'm too poor for real presents. ;;

Step 1: Leave a comment with the following information and I'll try to get it to you by Christmas if I can!

<b>Name:</b> self-explanatory <b>Preferred contact:</b> aim, plurk, journal, etc. <b>Requested subject(s):</b> ship, muse, pb, etc. <b>Type(s):</b> icons, headers/banners, manip, etc. <b>Specific request(s):</b> "I want it to say this", black & white, etc.

Step 2: Feel free to go crazy, but know that I might not be able to grant every single one due to time restraints, content problems, etc. If you have multiple requests, please prioritize them so I know where to start. ♥

Step 3: PROFIT.

RP;

Finish Copycat app for thegames

Finish tags

Link bakerstreet threads in tracking post

[bleep] it, I'm lazy

Finish setting up fightformyown

Create journal for Johanna

Find PB for Johanna

Update PB for Copycat

Start Anna & Haylie's apps for teleios

BTR!CR chart for Anna

ICONS/GRAPHICS;

Copycat manips

Spitfire icons/manips

Anna/Eliot manips for PSL

Arena-style Anna icons

Find caps from Baytown Outlaws

More Anna iconnage

GIFs for Wasp, Johanna, and Copycat

Track down the Flack/Anna manips Make new Flack/Anna manips

Shawn/Anna BFF icons

Stalk the internet for Catching Fire set photos

MISCELLANEOUS;

Check Tumblr

Re-read THG trilogy for Johanna character notes

Play fandom catch-up: Supernatural, White Collar, Hawaii Five-O, Leverage, CSI:NY

Watch The Hunger Games

Quit being a baby and pick up paycheck

OVER HERE @ bulletscatchinherteeth

TEAM-X; an X-Men Origins Based RP
The RPG MODS RPG OOC Directory Rules Apply Character Directory PB Directory Most Wanted Characters James 'Logan' Howlett David 'Agent Zero' North John 'Kestrel' Wraith Fred 'Blob' Dukes Remy 'Gambit' LeBeau Henry 'Beast' McCoy Warren 'Angel' Worthington III Scott 'Cyclops' Summers Alex 'Havoc' Summers Ororo 'Storm' Monroe Kurt 'Nightcrawler' Wagner Katherine 'Shadowcat' Pryde Bobby 'Iceman' Drake Wanda 'Scarlet Witch' Maximoff Pietro 'Quicksilver' Maximoff Any X-Men members Any Brotherhood Members Any Morlock Members	Team-X is a group PSL based on and around the X-Men Origins: Wolverine Movie. Started based around the Team-X group the game has expanded in setting and direction. Movie-verse and Comic-verse X-Men characters are welcome; including Alternate Universe and Original Characters. Set in a military camp, each character is recruited to work for the military using their 'special' abilities and receiving a special kind of privilege. Not all the members of the team are here at their own request, and there are plots afoot to try and harness this powerful group to meet the military's own end. Each members' motivation and loyalties are tested with the continuing influence and interference of Military Major William Stryker and associates. Team-X is a character driven game and over arching plots are encouraged; while there are storylines provided within the game, character development and interaction is the goal. Participation in plots and stories is not mandatory, but we encourage as much activity as possible. At current applications are open and we welcome all characters based in the X-Men universe.
Game Active for Two Years! All new characters and players welcome!

MARVEL: Art of War
The RPG MOD RPG OOC Directory Premise Recent History Rules Holds Apply Character Directory Friending Button	The year is 1963. It is a time in history like no other. There are those who feel that they are standing on the dawn of a golden age while others feel that the threat of nuclear war will tear the nation apart. The fire of the Civil Rights Movement is beginning to blaze with men and women standing up against oppression at home even as a new fight looms ahead in Southeast Asia. Against this backdrop of conflict and change, a man named Charles Xavier is searching for others of his kind. Xavier sees the turmoil ahead. He believes that a war against mutants may soon be coming--he sees it in the reaction of Americans to the threat of the bomb and the fear of mutation. His friend, Erik Lehnsherr, argues that violence should be met with violence, that mutants should strike first and enslave those who would harm them. But Xavier is not a man quick to anger and instead, he is preparing a sanctuary for those who would band together for protection. It is not children that he seeks but men and women--in case the battle is brought to their front door. As movements march on and wars erupt, Xavier’s dream turns from fantasy to necessity. Where will it lead mutantkind?
MOST WANTED: Scott Summers (Cyclops), Warren Worthington III (Angel), Bobby Drake (Iceman), Ororo Munroe (Storm), Piotr Rasputin (Colossus), Sean Cassidy (Banshee), Alex Summers (Havok), Lorna Dane (Polaris), John Proudstar (Thunderbird), Shiro Yoshida (Sunfire), Alison Blaire (Dazzler), Betsy Braddock (Psylocke)... and those not listed on our taken list. GAME BEGINS APRIL 16. Join today>>>>>

Gift Meme
*Alex O'Loughlin icons (x5)
*David Krumholtz icons (x2)
*Ioan Gruffudd icons (x1)
*Clive Owen icons (x1)
*Rob Morrow icons (x1)
*Sam/Anna fics (x1)
*Sam/Anna icons (x4)
*Vincent D'Onofrio icons (x5)
*Stella Bonasera icons (x5)
*Tye Moehawk icons (x5)

Icon Challenges (by due date)
December 1st
ilove20in20 Round 03: TV Show - Episode [LOTS 2.01 - Marked]
pokechallenge Challenge 55: Dragon types

December 4th
hfive0_icontest Challenge 01: Promo Pics

December 19th
hfive0_icontest Challenge 02: The Job

December 20th
wcollar20in20 Round 05: Neal Caffrey
disneytheme Surprise Challenge: Christmas
greys20in20 Round 08: Free-for-all

December 23rd
pokechallenge Special Challenge 03: Secret Santa

December 31st
tvcharacter20 Round 05: Kahlan Amnell

January 5th
actors20in20 Round 08: Two Persons - Jessica Lowndes & Matt Bomer

TBD
ncis_la_stills

Gift Meme
*Alex O'Loughlin icons (x5)
*David Krumholtz icons (x2)
*Ioan Gruffudd icons (x1)
*Clive Owen icons (x1)
*Rob Morrow icons (x1)
*Sam/Anna fics (x1)
*Sam/Anna icons (x4)
*Vincent D'Onofrio icons (x5)
*Stella Bonasera icons (x5)
*Tye Moehawk icons (x5)

Icon Challenges (by due date)
November 10th
disneytheme Round 26: Lady & The Tramp

November 12th
pokechallenge Round 54: Quotes (Part 2)

November 20th
wcollar20in20 Round 04: Character/Pair/Episode [2.03 - Copycat Caffrey]
evrything20in20 Round 01: Female Celebrities [Eva Longoria Parker]

November 21st
crimeshow20in20 Round 04: Characters [Adam Ross]
sprntrl20in20 Round 14: Castiel
greys20in20 Round 07: Season Finale [Season 05]

November 25th
disneytheme Round 27: Disneyworld & Disneyland

November 30th
every20in20 Round 04: Ships [Dean/Bela]
actors20in20 Round 07 [Minka Kelly]
tvcharacter20 Round 04 [Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett, Hawaii 5-0]

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I... I can't stop listening to this song. I haven't slept more than 4 hours a night all week, my insides are on fire, and I'm nauseous to the point I can barely eat. My acid reflux is out of control, my jaw and teeth are killing me because I can't stop grinding my teeth and setting my jaw, and I now get my monthly "gift". I can't even get to sleep until four or five in the morning. No matter how exhausted I am. I'm lethargic to the point I shut down today after listening to my father throw a tantrum because God forbid my mom recycles 75 pounds of crushed pop cans for money to buy food for tomorrow's today's? grad party. He proceeded to slip back into the emotionally and verbally abusive douchenozzle I remember from my childhood except he's not drunk. Which might be worse. I'm not sure at this point, nor do I fucking care anymore. The fact that I had to sit there listening without saying a word while I can see my mom on the verge of crying just broke me. I was functioning, damnit, and now I'm a lifeless blob leeching misery off of anyone who dare come near.

I don't wanna do the whole grad party thing tomorrow, or my birthday party Sunday, or Valleyfair on Monday. I just want to sleep. Is that so wrong? I'm physically exhausted but no way am I allowed to sleep this week. Too much work to be done and of course it's me and mom doing fucking everything while the boys throw tantrums and mess up the house and Brittany runs around like she's the fucking Queen of the World because it's HER party. Well guess what, Squish? This was supposed to be MY weekend. My birthday party was supposed to be today, but NO. I had to move it to Sunday because of your spoiled ass. On top of it? She thinks she's entitled to blow her college money on clubbing, casinos, and getting drunk. Oh she shouldn't have to lift a finger for her own party. Nope. But it's perfectly acceptable to expect ME to spend four hours slicing fruit and hollowing out a watermelon for fruit salad while mom has been up since four A.M.

I'm past the point of caring about this weekend. I don't care if my birthday is Sunday. Or that I'm supposed to go to Valleyfair on Monday. Sunday is just a reminder that it's been a whole year since I last spoke to Joey. That his last words to me were "do what you want, I don't care". I keep hearing about all these little moments he shared with Anna and I feel... robbed. I never got the chance to have those memories because he chose her. He gave up on me because he was afraid to hurt me. God, it hurts. It hurts so much more because he loved her and they have all these little moments she can hold onto. I'm supposed to celebrate his life on Tuesday, not the anniversary of his death, but... how the hell do I do that when it feels like all the memories I have are of the hurt he caused me? And when his last words to me before he died were words of spite.

Anna can heal and live her life knowing she was the love of his life. She knows how he felt. I never got closure from our relationship. I never got to know how he truly felt under all of that guilt and fear and anger and self-loathing. And that's selfish of me to want to be jealous and angry at her because she had what I wanted -- what I NEED to be able to move on. But I will never stop loving him, and I don't know if I'll ever love someone as deeply as I loved him. I know he's in a better place now and he's watching over Anna -- quite often from what she's told me -- but what about me?

I'm still here, damnit! I loved him! He broke me in ways no one ever has before but I forgave him and he knows that! I was happy for him and Anna! I truly wanted their relationship to be the one because I know it made him so happy! It didn't matter if he was with someone else, as long as he was happy! So what about ME?! I hardly ask for anything for myself. But why can't I have this one thing?!

I just want to feel his presence, to have one last talk where we're not fighting and he's not accusing me of trying to break him and Anna up. I just... I need to know that he forgives me, that he understands and he loves me.

( In the pain, is there healing? In your name, I find meaning )

And you know what?
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay
That part of the song pisses me off, because he said to me the morning of his funeral and then a few months back, that it's gonna be okay. But I have yet to feel like it's okay. He keeps saying that, and it's not!

It's not okay. I'm not okay.

Okay, so I was bored and rented a bunch of movies, including New Moon.

I'm pretty sure I'm "Team Jacob". Also? Totally not pleased with the lack of Cullen-Hale clan-ness.

Today I drove past the rock quarry between Elk River and Zimmerman where Joey and I spent most of our time together before he died.

And for the first time in nine months, I didn't cry or feel any pain. Instead, I could smile and feel some semblance of peace.

I think I'm finally starting to heal.

Bri Blaine wrote on Joe Kritzeck's wall...

I dreamed about you last night. You were about to leave for some trip and I remember fighting through a crowd to get to you. When I got to you, I grabbed your hand and wouldn't let go.

I said I knew it sounded crazy, but an angel told me you were going to die once you left for this trip. You just held my hand and were so calm about it. It was like you knew.

You grabbed Anna's hand and took us to a section of seating when they said to bring your loved ones with you before you leave. You just held me as I cried and begged you not to go, but you said it would be okay.

God, I miss you so much. And it's not okay! I can't even function anymore. I need your help. Please, Joey, I can't do this without you.

I felt him with me for the first time since his death, but then I woke up and he was gone. I got so angry because he said it was gonna be okay, but it's not. I'm not.

I cried today. For the first time in months, I truly cried.


Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

If you were a pokemon trainer, what 6 pokemon would you carry in your team? Which one would be their primary pokemon, like Ash's Pikachu?

Dear brain,

While I'm nothing shy of ecstatic that you've given me back my muse and creative urges, I do not appreciate you waking me at 2:30 in the morning with the sudden urge to write a ton of prompts.

...Especially when I have to be up at 5AM for a 6-3 shift.

You kept me up til 4AM. I'm not supposed to have caffeine because of my fibromyalgia.

Right now? I fucking hate you.

No love ever,
Me

So Bri's been having a bad day. But when she goes through the BK drive-thru to pay for her food, she learns that the woman in front of her paid for her food.

I'm still a little shocked at this.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

Joseph Kritzeck
January 22, 1988 - July 20, 2009
Beloved boyfriend, son, and friend. May his soul find peace.

I can't believe the news today...

Visitation will be Thursday July, 23rd from 4pm to 8pm at Peterson Grimsmo Funeral Chapel in Monticello. There will be a prayer service during the visitation at 7pm.

The funeral will be held at Our Lady of the Lake in Big Lake. A viewing will be held from 10am to 11am Friday Morning with the Mass following at 11am.

So in the spirit of various LJ prompt comms and because Bri is having yet another day from Hell - I present to you, my flist, a prompt of my own for you to respond to (if you choose) in this entry or another post in your own LJ. If you do this in a separate post, I kindly request that you comment here with a link.

Ten reasons you love Bri
-or-
Ten reasons you stalk Bri's Livejournal

Feel free to list more than ten and/or do both prompts.

I was outside talking to my mom by the Koi pond today and my brother walks over. He started asking me about my boyfriend and surprises me with this conversation.

Brandon: You two should get married.
Me: *pause* ...You do realize that we've only been dating a month as of tomorrow, right?
Brandon: Oh. Well, you two are really cute together.

...After nearly tripping on my way to my car, I managed to pick up my jaw. My brother practically adores Nate after having met him maybe once. He called my boyfriend a "sweetheart".

I hope Nate realizes that this is the highest compliment you can receive in my family.

Bri: Wow... medical science at its finest.
Nate: Lolz.
Bri: I just saw a commercial for the Pos-T-Vac. It's like a penis pump. Apparently the vaccuum-like suction gets men erect within minutes and makes sex last longer.
Nate: Ookkkkk.
Bri: We can't cure cancer but we can think of twenty different ways to make your penis happy. AND? It's apparently covered by most medical insurance companies.
Nate: Omg! Wtf?
Bri: Yes. And most of the guys in the commercial are like 50-70 years old.
Nate: Ookkkk.

Bri: ....and now I hit a commercial for Extenze.
Nate: Lolz I dont wanna know.
Bri: Comedy Central: We care about your penis.
Nate: LOL!!
Bri: ...next episode of Comedy Central Presents that comes on? I'm counting how many penis-related commercials there are.
Nate: Lol!