I was reading a fanfic just now and started tearing up—I don't cry as much anymore, but I still read a lot of fanfic— because of the line, "He came out of the blue for me. In the last place I’d expect to meet the love of my life, there he was." That line struck me somewhere soft as truth, because I
remembered, I felt what it was like, three, four years ago, there I was—
twenty eight and in San Francisco trying to convince myself I hadn't created a girlfriend out of whole cloth from an alcoholic who didn't actually like having me around and would've preferred me not inviting myself into her life, trying to convince myself I didn't need to distract my attention from a trash-heap of a family life in the God-fearing All-White Midwest that should be set entirely on fire because I couldn't imagine never coming back to my shithead of a manchild fuckbuddy-I-lived-with who couldn't imagine taking time out of his precious existence to do anything for me, respect me or love me
and the parents who'd groomed me to tolerate that, to expect the least, to go along and do my best for everyone else and have no desires of my own——
getting some texts from someone back There, in White Bread Unhappy Land, go for Sushi and meet them and pretend I have a heart? don't imagine
any of what follows, the ups and downs: a crime against me, a year apart——
and now I'm so very much happy that I asked Travis to propose, that we've been together for four years now and every goddamn day I'm delighted he's around, that his green eyes met mine and he said "Will you marry me", that we laughed and agreed to go to San Francisco for his birthday and a 'real' proposal to tell like a story, to select and savor—despite his family tradition of a ruined pot of soup inspiring a fight & the proposal*— because the
idea of marrying(!) the man I spent a year missing, who I needed so much I had to move him out to California with me, even though I just smeared menthol all over him for his old-man joints—all of him makes me smile so hard my face hurts.
(Happy birthday, Travis. Congratulations on outliving Jesus for realsies at 34; next year I'll have to have some new jokes about how you have the ass of a Pisces.)
I still have to try goddamn hard to take care of myself and Teyla and Travis and be happy and write a little and move around a little more than I might otherwise. It's not easy, nothing's easy; my existential pain is at a quarter of its previous levels and I still crack jokes about how I moved to California because I've always wanted to go out Thelma & Louise style.
When it comes to my intimate partnerships, though, when it comes to Travis? I can't get enough of waking up next to the love of my damn life every morning. Oh my
god, I'm incandescently happy, people. Money and jobs and housing and friends and dogs and
life can be as difficult as they want.... I always wanted a fucking actual partner who could be relied upon and trusted and I finally have one who
means and does what he says. He truly, utterly respects me, treasures my competency, and loves supporting me, not just in ways that come easy but in learning how to do the things in relationships that don't. Every time I talk about him to someone I gush and remember how much I appreciate him.
This man, y'all: every morning he brings me coffee in bed and feeds my dog, and every night he brings me a beautiful bouquet of a dozen earth-shattering orgasms. He's
exactly what I fucking deserve. I finally stopped settling, stopped waiting, stopped forcing. Just
loving.
I'm getting married. How are you?
* His mother made a pot of soup that was so bad
they buried the pot
with the recipe
in the backyard.
His dad proposed
just outside a restaurant
right before dinner,
his mom-type person likes to joke, and say
"I said yes because I was hungry"
and Travis just says
'of course, the restaurant in question was
way better back then, I wouldn't say yes
for dinner at the Brown Bottle now'.
(named&shamed for my hometown natives,
shout out ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
panda)**
** Our fight was that he accidentally
left a giant pot of soup
out all night
(thus, wasting it)
(GOODBYE SOOOOOOOOUPPPPPPP)
that I'd spent hours making the day before.
Travis is delightful, and entirely human. 
