desrosier | Recent Entries

Hello, how is everyone doing? I went to the dentist today and I am currently feeling rather melancholic and somewhat lonely. I want to continue making new friends and be talkative, however.

…Other than that, I’ll save my mindless drabbles for personal journals, not stuff to do with Harpalyce Project. Have some more facts about our titular protagonist, Klaus!

Questions taken from Tumblr, once again.

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Not very long. He is very fidgety. Tapping his fingers, his feet, rocking back and forth for some form of stimulation. Can’t forget the poor smoking habits. He likes to have something to overall mess with. Klaus abhors being left with his thoughts.

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

A fake laugh? Fairly simple!
A genuine laugh? A bit harder, his sense of humor is somewhat warped. Despite that, he can find childish jokes funny. He enjoys puns and riddles, alongside quips.

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Sometimes reading a good book, sometimes overthinking about the day that happened, going over conversations that never occurred.

… Since Autumn was around the age of 2, however, he did tend to creep into her bedroom for nighttime cuddled, avoiding his wife the best he could. Even before his thoughts for Autumn reached a far deeper extent, he normalized this.

[An exert from Klaus’ profile]

How easy is it to earn their trust?

Extremely hard. Klaus holds a lot of his most private problems to himself. I would say the one who knew him the best- that wasn’t his daughter, was his therapist Marcellus.

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Klaus is already always on some sort of distrusting defense. Being a pedophile, he’s aware that his own feelings are something he must hide. Simple words or phrases can cause Indignant emotions within him, so he would rather ‘play it safe’.

Despite this, he is an incredibly lonely man that still craves companionship.

He’s very difficult to process, I can’t help but feel bad for him sometimes and other days I go, “You didn’t have to do that!” (<- About own character, lol.)

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

[An excerpt from his profile]

You can see his outright denial and using his favorite phrase: “I’m not doing anything wrong.” Or “I’m not breaking any law.” Whether he believes that or if he’s just saying it is left to you, dear reader.

Obviously, flexible. While Klaus has always teetered around with the “Technicalities” of his actions, we already know he starts to snap the lines of legal and illegal upcoming to his divorce.

“If no one knows, no one can get caught.”

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

A nice playground, the cold autumn wind that brushes against his skin, German delicacies, even certain notes or chords to classic music can bring Klaus back to being a child, something he misses greatly.

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child

Being rude, mainly by accident.

Klaus was always horribly blunt, even worse so as a child. He had a bad habit of speaking his mind and never telling a lie, even questioning why he should lie, only to get a comment from his mother, “To be polite.” She thoroughly drummed that mindset into his head. No one wants to hear the truth if it hurts. Even he has come to terms with that.

Reading back on this, I think an autism diagnosis could have done him good…

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Of course, not like a sailor (How unprofessional!) but he absolutely curses here and there. Mainly “Fuck” or “God dammit”. (Considering he is also an atheist, the latter holds no issue with him.)

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

“I am not doing anything wrong.” To the point that he has convinced himself that it is true.

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc.)?

It depends on the situation. Typically, he’ll laugh, assuming certain things are jokes- before asking for clarification.

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

Aggressively attempting to scratch, if no one is around then he’ll rub his back against the wall like a bear. If someone is around, he isn’t shy to ask for a good scratch- stranger or not.

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Muted colors and shades of brown. Personally, I agree. But I would love to see Klaus experiment with fashion more. I think he would look good in Victorian gothic clothing.

What animal do they fear most?

He is not afraid of any animal, but he dislikes how noisy dogs are.

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Rehearse it in his mind for sure. His way of speaking is rather calculated, yet prone to rambling and losing the point.

What makes their stomach turn?

Physical child abuse, (Hitting, beating, lashes, Etc.), experiencing jealousy, (Imagining Effie or Autumn or even Allison with someone else makes him want to vomit.), that voice in his head that won’t go away, greasy foods.

Are they easily embarrassed?

It depends on the person. Near adults? No. Young girls? He becomes very shy and fidgety, blushing like a schoolgirl himself.

What embarrasses them?

The humiliation factor is being outcasted or treated differently. A cuter answer? Girls! Always girls. Flirting, playing, joking around, girls who dress up nicely, girls! Girls, girls, girls.

What is their favorite number?

11. The month of November.

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

“Romantic, platonic, familial love… well, it certainly all blurs the lines at times, doesn’t it? Love can transcend any boundary or social norm. One may add that there is a stark difference between all three, but I would disagree. You can count the differences in your head, but ultimately: You do the same act of adoration between all three, right? You kiss your spouse, you kiss your daughters, you kiss your best mate on the cheek. You are there as a shoulder to cry on for all. You tell them the same phrase: I love you. Yes, I love you. Even in my youth, I understood that love has barely any difference between people. Having Autumn, my dear, she further blurred those imaginary lines that we all put up to differentiate love. I love her as my daughter, my lover, and my best friend. You can love anyone and everyone. Just know that those walls you built up were not your own. Think on it.”

Why do they get up in the morning?

Because, despite it all, life is beautiful, and he needs to keep going. He needs to keep a roof above his head and food on his plate. He needs to see whomever he loves at the moment.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc.)?

[An excerpt from his profile]

[Lyrics from The Hush Sound - Sweet Tangerine]

These lyrics fully encompass Klaus' relationship with jealousy. This is also a song on his playlist!

Nauseating jealousy, to the point of becoming sick. To the point of even vomiting. Klaus feels jealousy like an open wound to the gut. Burning and acidic and painful. It is very irrational at times, and he might even bring himself to tears by just imagining scenarios that had never happened. He becomes extremely possessive and controlling which is later revealed when he pulls Autumn out of school, or when he notices the hickey on Effie’s neck.

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc.)?

Envy swallows him to a high extent, but not as badly as jealousy does. He tends to get envious of people he believes are “Normal” compared to him. He wishes he wasn’t like this.

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

Sex jokes come here and there for Klaus, usually surrounded by his coworkers or employees. The actual topic of sex is something he seems to avoid or exaggerate as to not cross any lines. If anything, there is not many people he would discuss his actual sex life with.

What are their thoughts on marriage?

“Marriage is a sacred and important thing for us two-legged beings. Imagine, adoring someone enough to take their surname-- or give it to them. Like the Christians, I do believe it is an act of utter devotion- but, hah! Does it fail sometimes? Of course! Are you damned for eternity if it does? Probably not.”

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

Interchanges between cars or walking. He prefers someone else to drive him, however.

What causes them to feel dread?

The idea of being discovered- or found out for what he is doing behind closed doors.

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

From strangers? Absolutely. From his therapist? Debatable.

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

No, not entirely. Autumn and Allison are two people that break his own ideals, though it is ultimately him that choses these decisions that break his ideals.

Who do they most regret meeting?

Reconnecting with his father, Vladimir. He wishes he never entered his life and often wonders if everything would be more simple without him.

Who are they the most glad to have met?

It is a toss up between Effie and Autumn. Despite hating Allison, though, he is ultimately thankful to have met her.

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke?

Plenty of puns and witty quips. He often tells stories akin to Alice In Wonderland, or some sort of fantastical romance that could be in a children’s movie.

Could they be considered lazy?

Not at all, honestly.

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

[An excerpt from his profile]

He often distracts himself to avoid the guilt-ridden feeling in his gut. It always rears its ugly head, though.

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

Excited, but less so, if he does not relate to it. He will not be rude, however. He lets anyone speak their mind on their interests.

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

Years and years, Klaus waited for it to fall into his lap. I would say the only instances where he sought it out was with Allison, which was due to crippling loneliness. Effie was… strangely, a more consensual situation. They both pulled into each other.

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

He marks dates on calendars or simply keeps it in his head. He has a very good memory, though he will write down notes while at work to keep track of the sales and such.

What memory do they revisit the most often?

The day he met Effie, that cold December.

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

…Depends on his personal opinion of the person. If he already despises them, he can be incredibly knitpicky about anything they do. Anything else, he might make a comment here or there.

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

Extremely defensive to it if it is brought up.

How do they feel about children?

Loves them, so, so much. Specifically girls, but he thinks all children are special and beautiful.

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

His end goal, ultimately, is to settle down with a girl, whether that was Effie or Autumn… Ah, I shouldn’t spoil it.

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

Flips flops around like a fish out of water. He usually assists to, “Ah, well, two men do not normally make a child, do they? Haha!”

However, Klaus finds comfort in never fully confirming nor denying his sexuality. He is heterosexual, yes, but he will gladly allow someone to view him as homosexual- or bisexual, any flavor of queer really, to avoid any allegations to his true nature.

Phew… this took, uhm, way longer than it should have. A lot has happened in the process of writing this, but it is finally done! Hope you enjoy these facts, I am about to make another journal featuring art I have received of Klaus, so look forward to that!

Current Music: The Hush Sound - Sweet Tangerine

Greetings, everyone. I finally updated my profile with links to other websites I use, alongside my Discord for anyone who would like to stop by and have a chat.

Other than that, I have felt quite melancholic lately. I'm taking a break from Twitter as it mainly shows me topics that will upset me, alongside just a general annoyance with the platform overall. It doesn't help that Bluesky doesn't entirely speak to me, but I'll probably attempt to make a Baraag account to find more likeminded individuals. I'm trying to get more used to Dreamwidth, it reminds me of the old era of internet that I greatly miss, such as Deviantart journals.

Today I slept in late, until 12pm. With fall break starting, I had no reason to wake up at 6AM like I usually do. Weirdly enough, even though I enjoy the extra hours of sleep, I highly prefer to have the same schedule every single day. Wake up at the same time, do my little chores, then be free to do whatever I want with zero people in the house. (I have two cats, but they don't count as interaction.) I know this is incredibly contradictory to my lonely statement, I know. I'm unsure why I am like this.

I'll blame it on autism.

Misc updates:

What I ate today: A grilled cheese for breakfast, a bowl of Apple Jacks cereal for lunch, some Doritos with humus for a snack. The biggest meal I had was Chinese takeout! Vegetable Low Mein, some fried dumplings and some cream cheese wontons. I did not finish it all, but I plan to eat more later.

I'm unsure if any of this was exactly healthy.^ I struggled with disordered eating (Anorexia) since the age of 10, so I wonder if writing down what I ate every day would help push me to make sure I eat more. I used to supply myself on ensures, applesauce and granola bars when I lived with my parents. (Who often did not feed me as punishment.)

What I read today: Old web journals of abandoned blogs from people that struggle with sexuality disorders. It's interesting to get an insight on other people, even when I do not deal with what they struggle with.

I should pick up manga again.

What I am realizing: I am most likely dissociative to an extent, or simply psychotic. I'm unsure which, but I might post an access locked journal about it, as I don't feel too safe posting about it anywhere else, alongside the fact I still don't know for certain.

Other than that, look forward to more Klaus posts as I continue to write his profile.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Taking Back Sunday - Spin

TW for: Vague discussion of minor attraction / pedophilia, CSA, incest and noncon.

Greetings, everyone. I've been focusing on drawing more reference sheets for Harpalyce Project, alongside still writing Klaus' profile. I’ve recently recovered from a bad flu so I can finally start working on stuff again… Alongside posting more stuff to Dreamwidth, perhaps find more likeminded people!

I saw an OC questionnaire on Tumblr and thought, “Well, why not!”

1. Does your OC have any difficulty distinguishing between love and lust?

Arguably, yes, at least for the first half of Klaus’ life. Fleeting crushes on young girls have always been a thing, but an actual relationship? Surprisingly, not many. Simply due to the fact of his own attraction- and being aware of the legal issues with it.

Klaus could be described as ‘Involuntarily Aromantic’ for a long period of his life, up until he meets Allison. (If he ever knew what the term aromantic meant, that is. LOL!)

And even then, she was the first girl- at seventeen, to show an interest with him enough to say “Yes.” When he asked her out.

But that was a whole can of worms itself. It was basically forced. Klaus would refer to it as, “This is the closest I can get, might as well settle.”

Allison would be the main factor of him confusing love and lust, overall.

2. Is your OC at all romantic themselves? Or is romance something they expect others to perform for their benefit?

Contradictory to the aromantic statement, yes! Klaus is heavily a lovesick romantic. He adores romance movies where he can relate to at least one of the characters. He’s the type of guy to write poetry, lament on his love for someone. Heavy gift giving is his love language as well. He’ll proclaim how much he adores someone every single day if he could.

…He does want the same to be given to him, but due to his state of affairs- I would say that he’s pretty used to not receiving his amount of overwhelming affection in return.

3. What does your OC look for in a romantic (or perhaps purely sexual) partner? Is this always healthy?

Haha.

Young, fairly innocent (Doesn’t have to be entirely innocent, mind you.) waifish, frail and someone that will reciprocate his love. A perfect young girl!

Is it healthy? No, considering the maturity gap between him and the girls, I would say it is far from perfectly healthy. Klaus wants the upper hand no matter what in the end and he simply prefers to get along with young girls compared an adult woman.

4. Does your OC consider themselves to be attractive? Do they put much effort into achieving this?

Nine out of ten times, yes. Klaus is a heavy narcissist, always viewing himself as better than others. That also goes into his opinion of his own physical appearance. Coming from a rich, aristocratic family- it comes at no surprise that he always wishes to look his best. He is always well dressed, splashes of expensive cologne on him, tries to keep a healthy weight, etc….

5. Would your OC ever take advantage of someone's romantic feelings in order to manipulate them?

Absolutely. Whether it was with his ex-wife, or with ex-kind of-girlfriend, Klaus is 100% an emotional manipulator to get what he wants. Even if he is unaware of it, it is still true.

6. Has your OC ever had their heart broken? Have they ever truly recovered?

Of course. Klaus has experienced several small heart breaks over the years- mainly from looking longingly at girls across the playground, his employee’s daughters, girls that catch his eye only to disappear into their own little world.

A more serious answer would lie with his daughter, Autumn. She does not love him in the way that he wants, which is also what pushes him to his limit- driving him madder as the day passes. He’s delusional enough to convince himself that there is some form of love on her side, though.

7. What is the most romantic gesture your OC has ever performed? Alternatively (or additionally), what romantic gesture would they most like to perform?

I could lie and say, “Oh, when he asked Allison to marry him, of course!” But that is not the story I’m trying to tell with this man.

Arguably, the most romantic gesture would be when he takes Effie on extravagant dates to get her away from her own abusive father. He asks her to tell him of all the places she has never been to, or the places she wishes to go to. For as short as their relationship was, he truly had her experience a lot of joy and new wonder. Not only did he rescue her- for the time being that is, he allowed the abused girl to feel genuine happiness.

I would say that is the genuine, nicest and kind-hearted thing he has ever done- out of the bottom of his heart. Even if Effie didn’t view these as dates, Klaus was happy just being with a child that he could take the pain from.

8. Does your OC pursue only monogamous relationships? Or are they open to other, more creative, options?

This is a hard question to answer. You could say that his mutual fixation on Autumn and Effie is inherently polyamorous, but I don’t think I could label him as that.

Klaus is inherently selfish by nature, dating aside. Of course, he would fantasize about a harem of sorts, but he is aware of all the problems and ramifications to come from that…

I think there is a possibility of it. In a world where he successfully whisked Effie away from her horrible homelife, taking Autumn with him… but the problem is… that Autumn could never love him the way he wanted. Making it a mutual, flourishing OT3 relationship…

9. If your OC were ever to fill out a Dating Site (or pamphlet or newspaper) profile, then what would they include?

Nope. Even if he did know how to navigate those websites, he prefers the old fashioned way of meeting up out of the blue.

10. Does your OC have a type? Have they ever been surprised by their feelings for someone who doesn't fit this?

To be put quite bluntly, Klaus has a specific type that he chases after.

Pale skin, long hair, frail bodies that he can easily manhandle. Personality wise? He tends to go after a mixture of spit fire girls that will push back and ‘play around’ with him. A good back and forth dynamic. In his words, he enjoys “brats”.

His other type seems to be the opposite; he adores an innocent type of girl who allows him to take full control of her. Whether it is mind, body or soul… you know how it is.

11. Has your OC ever been the object of someone's affections that they did not (or could not) reciprocate?

Of course. He slowly fell out of the forced love he felt towards Allison, I imagine he fell out of love first, surprisingly. While Allison- despite her faults, continued to try to make it work until she ultimately gave up before their divorce.

… He is very handsome, in a weird way. I imagine some older women have crushed on him or even asked him out, just to get a polite no in return.

12. If your OC were in love, how might they recognize this? Or would they be too much in denial?

He is in love; he will always be in love.
Klaus recognizes the symptoms of a heart attack, so to speak. It’s a gradual build up, his breath hitches, he starts to feel itchy and sweaty and clammy. When he fully falls in love he falls hard. Like he just got hit with a stack of bricks. It’s painful for him, even if it is requited. He is used to the pain by now, though.

13. Has your OC ever written a love letter (or text message or whatever the case may be)? Perhaps they have even composed a love poem or song dedicated to their beloved?

Hmm, Klaus definitely has left love notes around the mansion, or diary entries about his crushes- whether it was for strangers or Autumn.

I imagine Autumn ripped up most of them before reading them, much to his dismay.

14. If they wish to impress someone for whom they have romantic (or at least sexual) feelings, does your OC attempt to present themselves as more confident, wealthy, popular or otherwise impressive, than they truly are?

This is a difficult question to answer, considering Klaus is already confident and wealthy. He doesn’t have to fake much of his wealth. Personality wise… It’s hard to say. For the ones he genuinely loved, he was more earnest and honest about his own pathetic qualities compared to someone like Allison, for example.

15. Is your OC easy to love? If not, then what are the barriers?

It depends on who you ask.

Out of his love interests, I imagine the one who believes he is most easy to love is Effie.

Allison loved Klaus after their first few dates, getting to know each other… they didn’t instantly say the “L word”. Both didn’t know if this would work out, two lonely people who were seeking comfort and companionship. It was never to the highest extent that it could be Klaus’ end, however.

For Autumn… She loved Klaus as a child would her father at first, but he slowly broke out of that. I would say the love they felt for each other is incredibly difficult. Did Autumn love him romantically? It’s debatable. If she was, it would beg the question if it was from grooming, Stockholm syndrome or an actual natural build up from all the abuse. You can come to that conclusion when his profile is complete. All I can say is, that sometimes it will look mutual and sometimes it won’t. Love is a strange thing!

For Effie, this would be the most requited romance on both ends for Klaus. As short as it was in the beginning, there was a mutual attraction and understanding of each other- this isn’t to say it is healthy, however! That’s a 24-year age gap with an Elementary Schooler and a CEO of an alcohol company. A girl from a broken home.

Despite this, Klaus wasn’t exactly trying to be manipulative. He liked her- he would have taken away from all the horrors, and he definitely kicks himself in the back for not acting fast enough.

So, overall, it truly depends on who you asked.

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Just some character analysis and thoughts... Enjoy!

A doodle, featuring a post-argument between Klaus and Autumn. I imagine she blew up, he told her to go to her room, then finally walked in after she 'cools off'. She probably blew up over something completely reasonable, but knowing Klaus, he's going to twist it- or at least put it as how he genuinely views it.