Borderline Reminders

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

I am currently writing a book about BPD! You can find my blog for it here @borderlineremindersbook

Hi, I’m April!

  • 32, Canada
  • Diagnosed with BPD, ADHD, autism, cPTSD, bipolar disorder, and a couple of physical disabilities
  • Married + proud dog mom to my Tosa, Kumi

Tags I use so you can filter them out if you want are: ‘april answers’ for asks, 'allaboutapril’ for personal posts and 'april’s poetry’ for poetry.

About My Approach to Asks
I try to answer even difficult or hurtful asks with compassion because that’s the tone I want for this blog. I assume good faith, knowing that if an ask wasn’t in good faith, responding kindly still denies them the reaction they were hoping for.

If an ask genuinely upsets me, I block and delete it. I only respond to the ones I feel safe answering. So if you see me reply to something that seems harsh, know that I’m okay and I’m choosing to handle it this way intentionally.

Resources & Support:

A Few Boundaries

I’m not a professional. Just someone sharing peer support and personal experience. Please take what helps and leave the rest.

I don’t answer “Do I have BPD?” questions, but you’re welcome to use any of the resources here no matter where you are in your journey, or whether you have BPD or not.

Advice and validation are welcome via asks, but I can’t respond to everyone. Sometimes I clear out my inbox when it starts feeling like too much. It’s not personal. It’s just how I protect my energy so I can keep this space going.

This blog is recovery-focused. When I share something hopeful, I want it to stay that way, not because I don’t care about the hard stuff but because I need this to be a space that gives me (and hopefully you) a little bit of light. Constant negativity or hopeless replies can weigh me down, and sometimes I block to protect my own headspace. That’s not a punishment or judgment. That’s just me looking out for myself.

I also want to say that it’s exhausting to wake up to multiple asks about why something I posted doesn’t work in someone’s household or relationship, or to see people being unkind about it in reblogs. It’s okay if a post doesn’t apply to you. You can just scroll past. You don’t need to explain why it doesn’t fit or try to argue your case. I will also block for this to protect my headspace.

I will also block for:

  • Rude, mocking, or condescending messages or reblogs
  • Arguing with or dismissing my lived experience
  • Using my inbox to vent anger or frustration at me (venting itself is fine, but please don’t take it out on me.)
  • Reblogs that twist my words or spread misinformation

This blog is a coping space for me as much as it is a resource space for others. I want to keep it kind, honest, and sustainable.

Find Me Elsewhere

Link to some of the FAQ I get asked.

Pinned Post new pinned post

Anonymous asked:

Sometimes it feels like you're inside my head, how accurately you know my exact fears and insecurities and give calm reassurance against them. Thank you so much for what you do.

I hope it can be comforting then to know I’ve experienced most of what I talk about. They’re my fears, and insecurities. I’ve learned to manage them and still have a life I’m happy with. 🩷

april answers

Anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips for getting over an ex-fp? He has bpd too. We had a falling out years ago... I think I've done a lot of healing and I'm sure he has too. Things ended between us because he would date this girl who wasn't very healthy on and off but felt very slighted when I started going out with my gf despite having a hard time managing his bpd anger or staying consistently in my life. I figured I'd never be a priority especially when he started distancing himself and flirting with his friend due to his own abandonment anxiety so I got hurt/scared and let him push me away, When he did, I got close with my now-gf (whom he thought was bad for me for having her own BPD (yes I know. what are the odds)) and fell in love.

I look back and regret how my fears of abandonment kept me from being stable with how I handled him lashing out. I hate that I wasn't more vulnerable. I hate that we involved romance when we were immature. I don't wanna date him, I don't even know if we liked each other or if it was just having a mutual FP. I've tried everything to get over our friendship but I haven't connected with anyone the same. I haven't had an FP since bc I think my brain is scared. Not my beloved gf or friends, which I should be grateful for, but I feel alone. I don't know if I miss him or an FP connection. I wouldn't even want him back in the FP way, I'm much healthier and more stable, I just miss the healthy times and bond. Ik there are more connections out there but idk. I feel pathetic and like a bad person for being caught up on this.

(Also if this doesnt send as anon pls dont post... I hope you have a nice day and ty for even considering answering <3)

I want to start by saying this clearly: you’re not pathetic, and you’re not a bad person for still being caught on this.

What you’re describing sounds like grief for a very specific kind of connection, mixed with regret and the awareness that you’ve grown since then.

When it comes to working on moving on:

It can help to gently name what you actually miss. From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like you miss him as he was, or the instability, or the hurt. It sounds like you miss the moments of closeness, the feeling of being chosen, the bond that existed during the healthier times. Missing that doesn’t mean you made the wrong choices.

Second, regret doesn’t mean you failed. You were navigating abandonment fear, emotional intensity, and everything else you described with the tools you had at the time. Looking back and seeing things you’d handle differently now is a sign of growth, not proof that you ruined something.

Third, not having another FP since doesn’t mean you’re broken or incapable of connection. Sometimes after a painful FP loss, the brain becomes cautious. It learns, “that level of intensity cost me a lot,” and it hesitates to recreate it. That can feel lonely, even when you have loving people in your life. It doesn’t mean those connections are lesser. It means they’re different. (And for me personally, I don’t have FP’s anymore and it works just fine for me!)

As for coping with the feeling itself, sometimes the work isn’t forcing yourself to “get over” him, but allowing yourself to grieve the loss of what that connection represented, without shaming yourself for it. Letting the feeling exist without feeding it with “what ifs” or self-punishment.

You don’t need to punish yourself for being human. You don’t need to choose between loving your current life and mourning an old attachment. Both can coexist.

And finally, I want to say this gently: you’re allowed to outgrow a bond without rewriting it as something you should have handled perfectly. Healing doesn’t require erasing the past or judging yourself for it.

Apparently I’m really used to way the way I interact on Tumblr. Until last year, it’s the only social media where I posted stuff so my tones and phrasing have a supportive, validating vibe I’d say? It’s the focus of my blogs, and it definitely has a certain tone. I use it in real life too. My daily and friends joke that I’m the ‘validation queen’.

Well, I started interacting on book social media the last year or so, and for the third time, just got accused for using ‘AI’ to write and apparently it’s because of the validation I use.

When I’m talking about my views on a book, I might say something like ‘that’s really valid. I can understand why you’d have that opinion. For me, …”

I’m mostly just trying to be nice. Like I think different opinions are valid! I’m not upset about this, mostly just still so surprised that this is a thing at this point.

Random more serious note:

So far, I’ve only been accused on Tumblr once of AI use. I will say, I’ve been writing my posts using the same validating tone since before AI was a big thing. I think it’s important to remember the writing used by AI is based off of real people and while the accusations don’t affect me at all, I think we should be careful throwing these accusations around. They can be hurtful and cause problems for people.

personal allaboutapril

You can work on yourself and still need reassurance.

Growth doesn’t mean becoming emotionally self-sufficient overnight.

And it’s normal that you still sometimes need some reassurance even after growing. I might be more capable of self soothing now and challenging my thoughts, but some days are harder than others and I seek out reassurance in healthy ways.

A gentle reminder as you work on asking for what you need: direct communication matters, and it’s a skill worth practicing. But if you can’t in the moment, or you’re still learning how, this is something that may help to remember.

Someone not reacting the way you want doesn’t automatically mean they don’t care.

Sometimes you expect reassurance to look a very specific way. Immediate responses. The right tone. The exact words that quiet the fear. When it doesn’t show up like that, your brain may try to fill in the gaps with meaning that isn’t actually there.

A different reaction isn’t the same as indifference.
A slower response isn’t the same as rejection.
Someone doing their best in their own way isn’t the same as them not trying.

This reminder doesn’t make the fear disappear. It just gives you something steady to hold onto while it passes.