i saw the ocean in you | lucemil
pairing: emil | patient/luca balsa | prisoner
rating: G
warnings: dehumanization, captivity, hurt/comfort, implied/referenced self-harm
word count: 12,100
AO3 link: link
the human’s lips part, brows furrowing, and emil can practically see the thought crystallizing behind those exhausted eyes:'this is a person.'
emil, a mermaid drifting through the ocean waves, is captured and taken away from his home. when he meets an empathetic human, hope returns as fresh as the sea.
( i saw the ocean in you )
10 True Loves Table
| 01. | Stay. | 02. | Warm. | 03. | Peace. | 04. | Choice. | 05 | Home. |
| 06. | Laughter. | 07. | Forgiveness. | 08. | Love. | 09. | Life. | 10. | Joy. |
✿ | introduction
✿ welcome to my journal ✿
you can call me mike or joker!
she/her | mid-20s | neurodivergent & disabled
☆ photographer ☆ writer ☆ artist ☆
⚠ !! adult content warning !! ⚠
journal is +18 onlymy writing often explores heavy, dark themes: incest, rape/noncon, dubious consent, age gaps, toxic/power dynamics, physical abuse, psychological torture, kidnapping, drugging, and yandere elements. i also have a deep-seated interest in forensic and crime procedurals, high fantasy settings, and intricate worldbuilding.
i use this journal as a safe space to explore these dark tropes and "deadly" dynamics. i am not responsible for what minors may stumble across.
fiction ≠ reality | dead dove: do not eat
✿ about me
( the basics, byi & dni )✿ interests & currently
✿ yumejoshi policy
thank you for reading! ✿
last updated: january 2026
request box, future writing
I've gotten maybe 2 requests, but neither of them are actually specific enough for me, since they don't have an actual prompt. I think people might not be aware what a prompt is, somehow. I think it would be fun to sometimes get those, but I haven't really shared it much besides the initial time when I made it. I'll probably put the link to it in my pinned entry here too. I do need to update the ship lists too, mainly the Limbus one.
With canto 9 now properly done, I am not okay still, lmao. Way too many stuff going on, without saying too much, imma need an intervallo follow up on everything that happened with Gregor because what the fuck? I often joke how I love torturing him in my writing, but after that, the most he's gonna get is mild inconvenience for the next few months. Let the man rest. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but still. Lets just say that the next few fics will be a lot less intense than I initially planned to.
I was initially thinking of writing 'Psyche Luger' once Febuary was done alongside the 'Sinclair lies about his age' fic, but I do think that after all of that I'll move it for later just a little bit. I do have a specific gregclair fic that has been on my mind for a while that I want to write for Gregor's birthday (my boy has the worst case scenario for everything with the birthday being 29th Febuary) which I initially wanted to write for gregclair day. It feels like it fits more for the birthday as it's from his pov and how he feels about Sinclair compared to what I wrote for their ship day. I think it's better this way, not to mention I wasn't particularly in the mood to write that one at the time.
I also went back to the project moon kink meme after a while, I'm already seeing canto 9 stuff. That last one as of the day I'm posting with Gregor is quite interesting, I'm not gonna lie, but I don't think I have the skills for that. I would love to write some of the fills from there (i have some marked for writing but I haven't gotten around them yet) but I always feel like my personal ideas kinda go first. There are some neat ones I'd like to do sooner or later though.
snowflake challenge #7

Challenge #8
Talk about your creative process.
A lot of my process involves staring at a blinking cursor and wishing for the will to write. Does that count? But seriously, it depends on whether I'm writing for myself or am working on something related to an exchange. The former hasn't happened in a while and I keep hoping for that to change but there is a difference. When it comes to writing for myself, a lot of my fics do end up starting with me daydreaming about a particular scene and then end up thinking of a whole story to work around it. Sometimes a 'what if' idea will hit me. Like currently, I've been brainstorming a 9-1-1 (TV) story about platonic Hanahaki, centered around Christopher & Eddie (with Buck/Eddie) and it really came to me because I was thinking about Hanahaki and that led to me wondering about the platonic version and from there, the Eddie & Chris plot bunny struck. I'm sure many other people can relate to having their ideas and motivation to write at the worst possible time too! When I'm in front of a screen it is easier to get distracted by my phone or other tabs.
When it comes to writing for other people, I'm working based of their likes and any possible prompts they may have so I tend to let it linger in my head before narrowing it down to an idea and then I just sit down and write.
If I want to get into a certain mood to write, I will often listen to the type of songs that will help a little. I can't write with music though unfortunately, or at least not when I'm not a deadline. If I have a lot of time, then possibly, but if I am wanting to focus, I need silence. Sometimes, I just need to force myself to write and then I put myself on timed increments and just turn my phone face down and write. It will be something like "okay, I'm going to write for about ten to fifteen minutes straight and then take a couple of minutes break". Once I can get started, I can usually just keep going. If I need a breather, I'll take the break, but often times, I might not need that first one or I'll take the first one and then won't need as many subsequently because I'll be into the story.
For me, it's easy to just fall off writing, even if I enjoy it, so I'm hoping to find some sense of consistency this year. I tried last year but I was a little all over the place so my goal to write a bit every day, just so I can keep it going and not get into the habit of not writing unless I need to. Also I am going to try to remember that not every idea has to be a big story and then just stick to a scene that I want to write, and hope that takes off some of the pressure. Maybe in doing so, some of my routines will change as well.
Hoping for a productive and fun (because this is a hobby and should be fun!) 2026 either way! :D
FAKE Ficlet: Passion And Desire [NSFW]
Title: Passion And Desire
Fandom: FAKE
Author:
Characters: Ryo, Dee.
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 654
Setting: Back Stage Pass 2.
Summary: Ryo is never this uninhibited, but he really wishes he could be this way without the help of cold medication and alcohol.
Written For:
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
Ficlet: Proper Appreciation
Title: Proper Appreciation
Author:
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Herman, Owen, Team.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 733
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Jack has decided that, as the owners of the only known dragon in existence, celebrating National Appreciate a Dragon Day is a must.
Written For:
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
About me
Age: I am 39.
Birthday: April 29th, 1986.
Astrological Sign: Sun: Taurus, Moon: Capricorn, Rising: Libra, Sidreal: Sun: Aries, Moon: Sagitarius, Rising: Virgo, Chinese: Fire Tiger.
Spiritual Beliefs: Okay, so I grew up learning about Jehovah's Witnesses. This is something my birth mother tried to ingrain in me but I was always drawn to the occult, witchery and other religions. I learned about other religions while steadily learning about the JW God. At first I stuck with the JW God, but by 28, I ended up renouncing God and accepting the universe as the creator. I believe the christian God exists, but he's the sun and also the universe. He is also a she. I also believe in taoism, shinto, wicca, catholicism and several other things as well. Even Hindi.
Ethnicity: Black Biracial with a hint of Hispanic.
Ancestry: On my father's side I'm Nigerian and Hispanic. On my mother's side I'm French, Breton, Welsh, Scottish, Italian, German, Irish, Norwegion and English.
Gender: Transman.
Pronouns: he/him.
Living Arrangement/Family: I am currently living in a nursing home, that is for the forseeable future until I'm on my feet. I intend on getting my own home within the next year, if not sooner.
Education: 8th grade unfortunately. I'm in tutoring now to take the g.e.d.
Job: N/A. I'm a student though.
Romantic/Sexual Orientation: Demipansexual. I don't want to date cismen except one man, who I trust and it's gonna be a moment before we're finally together.
Relationship Status: Single. I'm looking incase someone I love and I don't end up together.
Hobbies: Writing, Watching TV and Films, Watching video games online, playing video games, watching youtube videos of animals, reading books, coloring.
Interests: veganism and vegeterianism, dream intrepretation, tarot reading, astrology, coloring, painting, drawing, animals and pets, tv and films, video games, music, writing, reading, youtube, tiktok, shinto, taosim, wicca, catholicism, exorcisms, psychology, photography, pregnancy, children.
Health: My physical health isn't the best as I'm dealing with a bit of heart problems but they're not so bad, I also deal with weak legs, short breathiness and frequent colds.
Mental Health Wise: I'm doing better than usual. I deal with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, A.D.H.D, Anxiety, and Depression.
Other Things About Me: I am an INFJ. I can read you like a book, and even if you think you're hiding well, you're not. I'll read you, tell my family what they can't trust about you and you'll always be found out. lol
Things I like:
TV shows: Supernatural, Riverdale, Reba, Golden Girls, Beat Bobby Flay, Guy's Grocery Games, Diners, Drive Inns and Dives, Wildcard Kitchen, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel The Series, The Vampire Diaries, Being Human, Bobby's Triple Threat, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Adventure Time, Regular Show, Teen Titans and Teen Titans Go, George Lopez, Friends, Aqua teen Hunger Force, Sailormoon, Naruto, Death Note, Big O, Furi Kuri, Mr. Robot,
Movies: Labyrinth, Legend, Dirty Dancing, Carrie, Maximum Overdrive, Silver Bullet, Lucas, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Manequinn, Hotel New Hampshire, Flowers in the attic, Double Impact, Sudden Death, Lionheart, Universal Soldier, Cyborg, Terminator, the Little Mermaid, Beauty and The Beast, Rapunzel, Princess and the Frog, Anatasia, Bob's Burger's - The Movie, Zootopia, The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, Finding Nemo, The Matrix Trilogy Girl - Interrupted, Fight Club, 23, Mulan (animated Disney movie from the late 1990s), The Truman Show, The Crow, Twister, The Craft, Dracula - Dead And Loving It, Speed, The Basketball Diaries, Demolition Man, Interview With The Vampire, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Sister Act (both parts), Hocus Pocus, Back To The Future (all three parts), Teen Witch, Beetlejuice, Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure, Flashdance, Footloose, Rose Red, Cell (Stephen King), IT original and newer version,
Music: The Birthday Massacre, Enigma, Three Days Grace, Shinedown, 2Pac, Eminem, Beyonce, Jay-Z, Creed, Staind, Goo Goo Dolls, L'Arc'En'Ciel, Hyde, Utada Hikaru, Hoobastank, 311, sublime, Eve6, Tonic, the Wallflowers, No Doubt, Smashing Pumpkins, Alanis Morrisette, Duncan Shiek, Delirium, A Perfect Circle, Bauhaus, Billy Idol, David Bowie, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran, Foo Fighters, Garbage, Incubus, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, Joy Division, Lady Gaga, Linkin Park, Michael Jackson, New Order, Nine Inch Nails, P!nk, Queen, Rihanna, Rob Zombie, Siouxsie And The Banshees, Switchblade Symphony, Tears For Fears, The Killers, The Weeknd, Tool, Trent Reznor, Gackt, D'espairs Ray, Dir En Grey, Guns and Roses, Poison, Boston, Winger, Elvis Presley, Etta James, Lighthouse, Fuel,
Books/Authors: J.K Rowling, Stephen King, Edgar Allan Poe (I haven't read thoroughly in years....)
Games: Sims 2, Sims 3, Final Fantasy 7-8-9-10-13-15 and Tactics, Fatal Frame 1 thru 5, Sudokien 3, Silent Hill 1 thru 6, Onimusha Series, Resident Evil Series, Until Dawn, Legend of Zelda (any)
Other places you can find me online:
→ Instagram: Username is "khaoskitten". The profile is private, for the reason I am paranoid about being found by people I don't want to be found by... I hope this makes sense. If you like, you can add me, though, I will likely add you back when I know who you are.
→ Bluesky: when I remember it, I'll put it here.
→ Discord: caspian5405
Goodreads: I need to get an account. D:
Snowflake challenge #8

Talk about your creative process.
It's kinda all over the place really. I usually don't outline much, but rather have a general idea of how I want the story to go. How it starts and how it ends is usually the main thing that I need to get the story going, and how I get from point A to B can change during the writing process. This is very noticeable with my longer works, since they change their overall shape a lot more. One shots are more stable as they take less time and aren't as broad as longer works. I've been trying to outline some things, as it might help with actually sticking to a more cohesive plot, but it's still rather loose.
Quote...
"Be master of your petty annoyances and conserve your energies for the big, worthwhile things. It isn't the mountain ahead that wears you out - it's the grain of sand in your shoe."
"I have no doubts that the Devil grins, as seas of ink I spatter. Ye gods, forgive my “literary” sins – The other kind don’t matter."
~ Robert W. Service
Not quite 365 days questions for day 16.
16. Do you have a favourite genre of music?
I like so many things that it would be hard to pinpoint. I love musicals and love to listen to them while I work on a story. The next music is soft rock and classic rock. BTO, CCR, and ELO are three examples. I love some hard rock, but not too much. I listen to Christmas music all year long. I've even liked some by country artists. When it comes to Christmas music, I'll listen to just about anything. What about you? What is your favorite music?
106 ☆ nov - dec 2025 reading
New Year's resolution to start titling my posts: already achieved, A+
The final roundup for last year's reading! November and December book reviews. Lots of graphic novels and a highly anticipated sequel in this one. I don't know if I'm going to bother with a book 'year in review' or just do a general review meme, or maybe neither if I keep slacking off lol.

( Read more... )
current fandom events
snowflake challenge 08

hmm... this one i'd have to really think about, since i'm a huge pantser and i tend to just wing all of my fics. in my previous snowflake entry, i mentioned that a lot of my fic ideas are based off dreams. which is true! my joscarl fantasia au was actually based on a dream i had about the manhwa, the queen's knight.
but let's talk about the process. which... isn't a lot, to be honest.
( my writing process )
Hmm
snowflake challenge #7

Challenge #7:
LIST THREE (or more) THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF. They don’t have to be your favorite things, just things that you think are good. Feel free to expand as much or as little as you want.
I kind of struggle with these things but I'll try. :D
1. I'm punctual. I like that I'm on time and even if I stress myself out a little when I work backwards, it's less stressful than the alternative. I don't mind being at the airport two hours early and I'm glad I can tell someone a time and unless there are certain unforeseen circumstances, I will be there then.
2. I'm fairly easy to talk to and am a good listener. I am best with at one on one or a couple of people, but I can carry a conversation if they're engaged and am happy to listen to other people/be a shoulder/offer advice if needed.
3. I'm a good baker and a decent cook. I can follow a recipe and can make the right modifications if needed and am aware of my limitations/can do what I know how to do well.
