an uninspired heroine

Anyone who is so inspired has my permission to translate, podfic, remix, draw fanart of, write a sequel to, or otherwise create fanworks based on any of my fanfic.

Just drop me a line with a link to the completed project!

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I've spent the last few months doing nothing much. I bought that sunlamp, but was feeling low enough that actually using it seemed like too much trouble. Instead of trying to make myself better, I usually opted to crawl back into bed and sleep away as much of my day as possible.

But it looks like spring is finally here! I'm feeling like a halfway decent human again. Woot!

*

I'm playing Dragon Age: Origins on hard for the first time. I am not actually enjoying the experience, but refuse to lower the difficulty. On some level, it seems I do buy into that "real gamers play on hard/nightmare!" mindset. I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I got through Redcliffe and the Fade, and am slowly crawling my way through the Brecilian Forest--where the Revenants kicked my ass from one end of the map to the next.

I've been lurking on the BioWare forums, hyping myself up for Inquisition. I think I'm going to have to cut down on the time I spend there soon, because I can easily see the bickering there impacting my enjoyment of the game itself.

I'm currently reading Dragon Age: Asunder. I had no interest in the tie-in material, but people kept saying that the book presents a more balanced view of the mage/templar conflict that DAII does. I'm not seeing it for far, honestly.

I picked up Minecraft, which I'm playing on creative mode. I'm just flying around, building myself more houses than any one person needs. I also picked up Saints Row IV, which ah hah hah, no, I can't drive. Or run at super speed. Or follow street signs. I'll let you in on something totally shallow: I bought the game for the character creator. If a game lets me play as a woman--and create her myself, at that!--I'm in. I might pick up Dragon's Dogma, too, although I'm not sure the combat is up my alley, based on what I've watched on YouTube.

*

I am debating whether I should delete my Tumblr and start a fresh one. It's been a long time since I actually checked in on my dashboard, and I was there for all of a minute before some untagged bullshit slipped past Tumblr Saviour. I'll have to be ruthless at unfollowing people this time, if I want to survive Tumblr. I'm not sure it's worth the hassle, but. . . I do miss having a fannish gathering place.

I was more artistic as a child than I am now. Sure, a lot of that "artistry" came from boxes, but still. Today, I went out with a friend who is a firm believer in the importance of art for the benefit of one's mental and emotional health. It doesn't matter whether or not you're any good, so long as you're trying! I picked up some coloured pencils and a sketchbook in a surge of nostalgia. I drew a hideous looking cat, and while I had fun doing it, my immediate reaction upon finishing was to tear the page out and destroy it. I'm not sure when I started feeling ashamed of my own creativity, especially the stuff that isn't meant to be shared, and is mine and mine alone.

Some time since I left the the tag wrangling team, the canonical for "Noir" became "Noir (Anime & Manga)." As far as I know, there is no manga version of the series. I looked it up on Wikipedia and Google, with no results. Before writing in to tell the tag wranglers that they are WRONG, WRONG, KEEP OUT OF MY FANDOM* -- are they wrong?

*Disclaimer: Not how I would actually phrase it.

Guess who gave in and started Mass Effect multiplayer? Of course, I had no idea what I was doing--I hit the wrong button, and my level 1 character ended up in a silver-level mission. I spent most of my time dying. But that was yesterday!

Today, I spent a good four hours on the same map, leveling up my character. Bronze makes me feel almost competent.

I'm just stupidly proud of myself for doing something I was worried about. So yeah, this is basically a post to say: Go, me!

I don't actually dislike Mass Effect 3--in fact, I'm often excited to get to it--but playing it gives me the urge to go back to the first game. Vanguard!Shep is currently chilling with some ex-Cerberus scientists while Adept!Shep plowed through ME1 and into ME2. Adept is a pretty cool class, although I miss my vanguard charge so, so much. I barely used it in ME2, but it's the Best Thing Ever in ME3. I should probably turn up the difficulty level, because my squadmates are saying, "We're getting overwhelmed! Try flanking them!" and Vanguard!Shep says, "Guys, they're all dead. Calm down."

(Very important discovery: do not change your pistol during the Mars mission. I traded the predator out for the executioner, where the super slow-motion reload animation during a certain key sequence got me killed. And killed. And killed. I checked the wiki, and yes, the scene really is that difficult with the wrong pistol.)

Adept!Shep is my first DudeShep, and my first renegade--although he's a bit of a softy at heart, because I can't help but rack up the paragon points. Partly because there's a limit to how much of a jerk I can be, and partly because going the paragon route gets you some nice war assets in the third game. Is it possible to get the maximum amount of war assets if you play a pure renegade?

I spent most of ME1 in Ashley's company--I wanted the "soldier ally" bonus, and DudeShep was romancing her. I know Ashley gets a lot of flak from the fandom at large, but I really do like her. Unfortunately, I can't stand what she looks like in ME3: Bigger lips! Bigger tits! Who cares if she's a marine? Give her long, unbound hair!

I know I'm spoiled. BioWare produces some of the more non-straight-white-male friendly games out there. And then you get a loving closeup of Miranda's butt, and her skintight bodysuit crawling up the crack of her ass.

**

What are you currently reading?

The Water Rat of Wanchai, by Ian Hamilton - The first book in the Ava Lee series. I've heard good things about the book, but I'm having trouble getting into it. We have an older white male writing about a Chinese-Canadian woman, and some of the writing makes me twitchy. You have the familiar "PoV characters checks herself out in a mirror" scene, where Ava notes that her breasts are fairly large, for an Asian. She doesn't even need to wear a padded bra to get people to check her out. And then, you have lines like this: "Eventually, as always with the Chinese, more begot more, until you could walk into nearby Markham's Pacific Mall and believe you were in Hong Kong."

What did you recently finish reading?

The Cuckoo's Calling, by Robert Galbraith - This is a book I might have picked up on my own, even before the Rowling reveal. I'm oddly defensive about JKR--I've seen some of the garbage heaped on her, both by fans and professional critics. I went into this book determined to find something good about it, and ended up honestly enjoying it.

Something From the Nightside and Agents of Light and Darkness by Simon R. Green - I found these quick, entertaining reads, but the plot felt like a sketchy excuse to string Green's interesting ideas together. ( Spoilers for book 2 ) I read these for the Nightside and it's strange creatures more than the plot or characterization, both of which I found flimsy. I do intend to pick up the next book at some point, so despite my complaints, I certainly didn't dislike the series.

Bioware games can be emotionally manipulative, but oh god, do they ever get me straight in the heart. I spent the last couple of hours playing ME3 with tears in my eyes. Stupid game. My poor Shepard! *sobs*

Fucking Rannoch. Fucking Rannoch. Stupid Reaper, with it's stupid lasers.

I turned the difficulty all the way down to narrative, and the damned thing is still killing me! I can get the first strike, but I keep getting zapped before the second air strike. *cries*

(I looked up the fight on YouTube. It looks like I'm actually running too far in both directions? IDK. I'll try giving myself a bit more room once I've regained feeling in my hands, and am feeling brave enough to pick up my controller again.)

*

This is a really gorgeous Mass Effect fanvid. Multiple Shepards, multiple choices, but in the end, "all Shepards choose to save you."

I'm almost finished with Mass Effect! Despite my best intentions, I bonded with my Shepard. Now I'm worried that she won't get the good ending in ME3, because I won't make the right decisions in the next two games. Maybe I'll make an MShep, and he can be my test run for the entire series?

Things were definitely easier once I got used to the controls, and learned to read the status bar for the characters and mako. The fights were so ridiculously easy that I thought about upping my difficulty level--and then came the thresher maws. Nope, easy setting is good enough for me! Fucking thresher maws.

I like paragon Shep better than diplomatic Hawke. She's nice, but she doesn't sound like a pushover. The dialogue wheel still offers up some odd choices. At the final council meeting on the citadel, my Shep was angry enough to go for the renegade option. "You bastards!" turned into "Nobody stabs me in the back. Nobody." Shepard, what are you saying?

All the outrage about ME3 has made me wary of that game. Is it true that you can't get a good ending without all the DLC and multiplayer? I am planning to pick up the DLC, but there's no way in hell I'm getting near multiplayer.