Romantic Abduction

Wow, I completely forgot I ever made an account here, and when I visited the site and saw that autofill had a username and password there for me, I was shocked. I have absolutely no recollection of this site or the two posts I've made here. What a cool find! 

I occasionally reread old journal entries or look at the archives of my old Tumblr blogs, but I have a decent knowledge of what's there for me when I visit them; it's an established canon of my past, and I rarely uncover anything unexpected. It was quite refreshing to find this page. The post about instant coffee gave me a bit of a laugh. It's very much my high school self speaking there... I'm such a different person now, but some things stay the same. I still love coffee, and I even work at a coffee shop now, just like I wanted to back then (albeit not a nice locally owned one, but I still hope for that someday). 

Internet travels are special. I've made my way through many different sites and dusty corners and such online, and I treasure the memories I've made and the people I've been able to connect with. When I was younger, I never made any personal connections online, and I think that contributed in some way to how rootless and discontented I was; the internet was all I had, and I wasn't even making much of it. Over the past couple years I've integrated myself more deeply in online communities and come out both worse and better for it. I'm mostly separating from social reliance on technology at this point because I find the principle of it distasteful. But I have met golden people and rotten people and both types have enriched my understanding of the world.  

I have a golden boyfriend, whom I met online and have yet to meet in person, but I want to be his wife someday. I think he's really the best person in the world. 

The things that stay the same! Would you know that I spent far too much time on the thinspo tag on Tumblr and on MPA in the last couple years of high school and have repeated the same mistake many times over the past several years, and yet I weigh the exact same now as I did when I first looked at those things? I don't do that anymore, and I don't plan to ever again, but it's been just a year since I last crash dieted and let things fall to ruin in the aftermath. And still I hate my body deeply, though more recently I've learned to treat it better with nutritious food and regular exercise. It's been five years since I first hurt myself on purpose, and less than a year since I did it last. But again, I hope to be done for good now. That sort of life and worldview feels alien now, but I know certain misfortunes could easily send me back if I don't continue to work on improvements.

I've come to believe in God, which has transformed my life in wonderful ways. After the new year, coronavirus allowing, I would like to become a catechumen so I may be baptized. 

And another post wanders into the ether...