words from a flying cat

Hello friends. This post is entirely winter holiday stuff. ( Read more... )

Repeating a practice because I want to not anxiety-fail out of posting.

Am very very very grateful for everyone who has said hello, shared their updates, expressed their concern etc! Am not very words because anxiety.

Grateful for: Smell of snow. Warm house. Mom knitting while hanging out over Zoom with her knitting buddies. Dad being around and giving me mini-lessons on his household DIY projects. Tasty food. A cat deciding this is a week when she will nap on my bed.

Missing Looking forward to future opportunities for: spending time with friends/extended family in person.

I think it was under the furniture somewhere?

No seriously, (insert vagueblogging here for privacy reasons) there was a situation that wasn't a bad thing but was requiring significant energy from me, and that has moved on and is now not absorbing the same energy from me (end vagueblogging)...

...and also I got my meds refilled after several days more than I ought to have had without, and even though it's getting Dark out there I have coffee and sun lamp and granola bars and heater and blanket and coffee, and it's not the first six weeks of school any more, so all the things my stupid brain wants to panic about can maybe move over a little and let me enjoy feeling like I can get from one end of a thought to another for a change, please yes? And also having eaten breakfast and not woken up in a panic last minute to get to work, whoa.

I swear there's a sometimes-functional person in here somewhere, sheesh, they just seem to have been saving up all that function to Not Fall Apart at work and it's really nice when some of the functional can take care of itself and let me be able to do things without holding myself together with string.

Anyway hi, I'm not trusting myself to keep updating this and answering things but I would certainly *like* to.

Called in sick. Too many cumulative small-ish physical and logistical Things.

TMI and complaining ( Read more... )

I am appreciative of:

Indoor plumbing.

Drinkable running water.

Electricity, chargers that work, wifi, and internet access.

Having a reasonable bed and a safe place to live.

Sunlight, rain, and green growing things.

(combined gripes and gratitudes) ( Read more... )

The process of journaling as a way to work through stuff.

Soft cozy blankets.

Pictures of small fluffy animals.

status: alive, well enough, emotionally-compromised by relationship angst, what's new

skip the angst if you like, *I* would like to
( Read more... )

Watching Black Panther was fun! Eating fancy vegan ice cream was tasty! Some of the clover I put in a pot along with some violets seems to be blooming, though the violets themselves are not, at the moment. It was warm and sunny and pleasant today. I got to be outside at recess with the kids and nothing dreadful happened on my watch, though certainly kiddos I know struggled at various points during the day. I got some groceries; not a complete list of what I need but some. I continued to have not gotten done various things I mean to get done. I made it through the day. I am grateful in both complicated and uncomplicated ways about different things.

Some good things:

Watching a gray and white cat explore the side lawn.

A hug and comfort when I really needed them yesterday; thank you to the friend who provided them. Crying about my break-up is a VALID LIFE CHOICE. ( Read more... )

Waffles.

Small plants growing and being alive, for now, even when there is unfortunate landscaping choices happening next to them. It being warm enough to go be outside (although it is also TOO sunny and LOUD and human-y for best sensory-things). I have, at the moment, in some combination of the side yard, the indoor pots, and now some outdoor pots: lettuce, kale, mizuna, bok choy, spinach, chard; runner bean sprouts, plantain, clover; basil, oregano, thyme; sweet potato vine, clover, violets, plantain; (pots only, more or less) a small but growing pine tree with assorted moss and sedums, also attempted transplant-to-pots of bronze fennel, achillea, violets, and thistle. I want more but I also want *these* plants to be successful and not ( Read more... ) So right now I'm focusing on expanding/dividing plants to whichever LARGE pots I can muster and considering other portable options.

LOTS of sunbeams. It is nice out, I can get toasty, I probably shouldn't burn my nose but I like going outside, yay sun, I am not a vampire, I get way too lost in woegothic angst when I do not go outside during daylight, despite this I would ABSOLUTELY stay up all night if I didn't have a day job, ha ha what are sleep cycles, I should live somewhere with audible ocean waves someday. ( Read more... )

Coffee, coffee is tasty even if I really need to be careful with dosage and timing, but it is LIFE.

I did do the dishes! That was a good thing to get done!

Some difficult things: ( Read more... )

CW: illness, hospitalization, sadness, worry, not knowing how to people effectively

I want to look for some resources with ideas/checklists on what to do ( Read more... )

I cannot freaking focus ( Read more... )

If anybody local to Portland would be able and willing ( Read more... )

problem with meds ( Read more... )

...

Of course this happens week of taxes and job applications. Of course. I do not like this. I am scared this will mean Bad Things because I won't/can't do Stuff I Need To Do like this.

Set alarm for rest time. Then more coffee. Tryyyyy to do things.

...

ETA: Dizziness is down, disorientation is up, but mostly I seem to have stabilized at 'generalized blargh'. ( Read more... )

Also there are PICTURES of an ACTUAL BLACK HOLE as made visible by its enormous glowy accretion disk. Such admire. Science is amaaaaaaazing. Also-also I want someone to make An Tactile Art based on its orangey shininess. I think that the use of thick velvet and loopy raggy embroidery would better convey the color-shifts in the image (which itself is a data-composite adjusted for normative human visual range) than a high-low map.

Today I went to a job fair. ( Read more... )

I made time to leave the building and walk around so I didn't start to panic. It turned out that there is an animal shelter right across the street and next to Starbucks. I got to go see the kitties in their social room.

I came in and knelt down to say hello and immediately had a lap full of a white-and-tortie who purred and rubbed her head upside down on my hands and turned around and around on my lap and insisted I skritch her chin. Her name is Bianca and she will probably be adopted soon which is good because she is made of 110% pure melting-white-chocolate-and-caramel loving sweetness. I said hi to some other kitties too but Bianca made me so happy.

I left a donation for the shelter; they are doing good. I think I did my afternoon round of the tables while wearing cat hair, and I'm glad because I needed that boost of comfort.